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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find my DH’s use of this phrase odd?

92 replies

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 20:29

‘I didn’t have time to’

The family were talking over dinner about a new piece of garden furniture, which we were all keen to get but DH hasn’t yet used. When asked why he didn’t try it out whilst we were all chilling at home yesterday his reason was ‘because I didn’t have time to’. We pointed out (in a nice way) that he watched the London Marathon for several hours so that would have been ample time to use it if he’d wanted to, it’s not that he didn’t have time to, he just did something else.

DC started laughing but DH maintained that he ‘didn’t have time to’ enjoy the furniture because he was doing something else relaxing instead. We couldn’t get through to him that choosing a different leisure activity (as opposed to doing chores which couldn’t wait) doesn’t mean he didn’t have time to try out the furniture.

This normally rational DH got very upset, said that was only our opinion of how the phrase should be used, and his opinion was just as valid, started shouting at DC for laughing at him, and has gone upstairs in a sulk. He insists he’s not embarrassed either as he hasn’t got it wrong.

Sure there may be variations in some regions regarding different English phrases but this seems a simple one. Wherever I’ve heard the phrase it’s used to demonstrate that they’ve been too busy with necessary things to find the bit of time to do XYZ. If they had time but chose to do something else then it simply wasn’t a priority.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:24

Woa @Nimbostratus100 that’s a harsh accusation. you make it sound like a cloaked murder mystery. We’re forever picking up on each other’s comments, and we explain them so that DC doesn’t embarrass themselves later in life. I got that a lot when my DP didn’t explain basic common knowledge to me and let me look the laughing stock in public instead. So we help out DC and they appreciate it.

The three of us had the debate in private, DC found it amusing that DH was so adamant rather than laughing it off as usual, he’d raised his voice (first) and wanted the last word on it, even though we both knew what we trying to convey to him and he wasn’t listening.

OP posts:
babyblueblanketlover · 24/04/2023 21:28

What was the thing?

I agree with your DH fwiw.

Newmumatlast · 24/04/2023 21:30

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 20:57

I know what you’re saying @Hullabalooza and that’s why I’m questioning. That’s exactly how it was though, starting with a ‘pity me I didn’t stop all day’ sentiment. I think then he realised he actually wasn’t so busy.

DC was laughing because it was nice for the boot to be on the other foot. They get laughed at lots for incorrect use of words (age 12) and we’re not unfalteringly polite to each other all the time cos we’re a regular family @KrisAkabusi

Dh was over the top with his reaction but its never kind to laugh at someone for how they speak. You can kindly correct people without laughing. Its a shame your kids have been laughed at and are mimicking that behaviour tbh

LucifersLight · 24/04/2023 21:31

It’s basic language and rationality. YANBU.

Now, if he’d said “I didn’t have time to, because I had to spend all day doing blah” and that was true, then he would be okay.

But basically he was originally implying he had been busy doing things he “had” to do, and then it was subsequently pointed out that that was not the truth - he should have held his hands up and said yep, you’re right. Not all men can do that.

Original poster
Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:31

Not at all @Ragwort nobody was badgering him to use it. He was trying to get me to order another one when the first one was running a day late, in case it wasn’t coming at all!

We we’re just chuckling that DC has been using it in all weather, and in pyjamas, before DH merely said he hadn’t been on it at all yet… because he hadn’t had time.

I was interest to understand others’ opinions of the phrase, like a lot of the minuscule unimportant matters on MN

OP posts:
Isthisexpected · 24/04/2023 21:33

He was watching the marathon and therefore didn't have time to try it out. He's correct in terms of the meaning of the phrase but logically, I get your point that he chose other priorities.

ExtraOnions · 24/04/2023 21:36

…does it really matter ? Why the need to “win” and prove yourself right?

Freefall212 · 24/04/2023 21:41

You all sound pretty awful. What a nasty way to talk to a family member. You can make a point bur badgering and belabouring and laughing and invalidating and mocking because you disagree is just nastry.

JudgeJ · 24/04/2023 21:47

KrisAkabusi · 24/04/2023 20:45

Presumably he was inside when watching the marathon, so didn't have the opportunity to go outside to use whatever it was. I can see his point. Also it was rude to laugh at him and start the argument in the first place.

Exactly, he was being bullied by his family to do something other than what he wanted to do, if people try that stunt with me I'm afraid I just dig my heels in and it sounds like he's done the same. Why should anyone think they can dictate to others about something so trivial?

MysteryBelle · 24/04/2023 21:47

What a petty thing with which to rake someone over the coals. He didn’t have time to because he was watching the London marathon, he didn’t have the time meaning he wasn’t willing to give his time to sitting in a chair outside, he wasn’t interested in your lawn chair, why keep asking him? because for him, his time was given toward a different activity that spanned throughout the day. His phrasing is fine.

He probably couldn’t fathom why you were clenched onto this like a pit bull and then sicced dc on him. Very strange. Over a perfectly fine phrase. All he wanted was to watch the London marathon in peace. He wasn’t bothering anyone.

And now you act shocked “what, little ole me, what did I do?” as a big grinch grin spreads across your face. And come on here to get us onside. Bizarre.

supersop60 · 24/04/2023 21:48

I mock my dp when he asks if I have 'managed' to do something. (get milk, read an article he sent me etc)
Am I a bully?

Original poster
Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:55

@Freefall212 do I need to point out again that he was the one raising his voice and keeping the point going because he wanted the last word?

My query was about the use of the phrase, not about everyone’s own interpretation of how our dinnertime unfolded and whether we are all perfectly behaved individuals. Nobody is.

OP posts:
Freefall212 · 24/04/2023 21:59

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:55

@Freefall212 do I need to point out again that he was the one raising his voice and keeping the point going because he wanted the last word?

My query was about the use of the phrase, not about everyone’s own interpretation of how our dinnertime unfolded and whether we are all perfectly behaved individuals. Nobody is.

He wanted the last word about his own thoughts. He was the one who used the word and you were the ones telling him he was wrong and that how he thinks and whar he meant by what he said is wrong and you are right. How incredibly frustrating is that - to have people deny you your right to attribute your own meaning to what you say.

Now you want to control the thread and what people say....I see a pattern.

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 21:59

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:55

@Freefall212 do I need to point out again that he was the one raising his voice and keeping the point going because he wanted the last word?

My query was about the use of the phrase, not about everyone’s own interpretation of how our dinnertime unfolded and whether we are all perfectly behaved individuals. Nobody is.

He was being polite.

He couldn’t be bothered.

He will probably try it out at a time that suits him.

What else is there to explain?

JudgeRudy · 24/04/2023 22:04

I'm on the fence on this one. It's a bit like saying you can't afford to say go to an out of town wedding. Well you could, if you really wanted to but you'd rather spend your money differently.
I think you OH feels he had already allocated or spent his 'free time allowance' so there was no more 'spare' free time over.
Pointing out he had spent the afternoon in front of the TV might seem the same as you saying you've no spare money and him saying 'but you bought a takeaway yesterday'...yes, that's why I haven't enough money. Seems a petty thing to disagree about.
I think I'd be more likely to say I haven't had time to get round to it because I've been busy.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/04/2023 22:32

Mintchocmabel · 24/04/2023 21:31

Not at all @Ragwort nobody was badgering him to use it. He was trying to get me to order another one when the first one was running a day late, in case it wasn’t coming at all!

We we’re just chuckling that DC has been using it in all weather, and in pyjamas, before DH merely said he hadn’t been on it at all yet… because he hadn’t had time.

I was interest to understand others’ opinions of the phrase, like a lot of the minuscule unimportant matters on MN

Ah, I see now.

He hadnt used it because he was busy avoiding you.

QuickGuide · 24/04/2023 22:37

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. He didn't have time to do one thing because he was doing another. It doesn't matter if you don't think it was important, it's how he spent his time so there was no.time to do the other thing.

What's really weird is that it seems the whole family is badgering him about it and that anyone cares that he hasn't tried the furniture.

QuickGuide · 24/04/2023 22:38

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/04/2023 22:32

Ah, I see now.

He hadnt used it because he was busy avoiding you.

Show quote history

😆

ModestMoon · 24/04/2023 22:40

I think that your DP used the phrase fine.

MMMarmite · 24/04/2023 22:43

I think you all sound a bit mean, laughing at him and nitpicking about a turn of phrase.

In a literal sense, he did have time. But it's very commonly used as a synonym to "i didn't get round to it", and certainly everyone would understand what was meant.

Dontlistitonfacebook · 24/04/2023 22:43

I agree with how he used the phrase. He didn't have time to because he was watching the marathon ( presumably live, on TV, so couldn't be outside while doing so).

Tinkerbyebye · 24/04/2023 22:49

YABU. He was doing something, it doesn’t matter what he was doing, that meant he didn’t have time to use the garden furniture

you and your kids were nasty and need to apologise for laughing at him

BreviloquentBastard · 24/04/2023 22:53

What a boring family, nitpicking and mocking eachother's speech and language all the time. Must be a joy living under your roof.

SophieinParis · 24/04/2023 23:12

Gosh, i didn’t realise so many families and couples took each other so seriously!!!! It’s so dry!

I feel like my husband and 4 children spend a very large proportion of the day
teasing me and each other! It’s occasionally irritating when your entire family is mocking you but it’s quite funny and I don’t take myself very seriously tbh.

I couldn’t live in an environment where it’s “rude” and “bullying” to tease your husband for saying he didn’t have time to relax in the garden, as he was too busy relaxing inside.

OP, it was a slightly ridiculous thing for him
to say and my reaction would have been the same. Except my husband would have rolled his eyes and said something equally
mocking back to me and I would have laughed and that’s that.

Summerfun54321 · 24/04/2023 23:20

It's kind of funny but also kind of strange you tried to humiate him over it. Poking fun at people in front of others is rude when he was only trying to be polite by not saying that he couldn't be arsed to try out the furniture.