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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are school re DD’s earrings?

147 replies

Tygertiger · 24/04/2023 20:10

Totally prepared to be told IABU so please don’t pile on me!

DD is Y5. She had her ears pierced a few weeks ago - deliberately now, so they’ve got ages to heal before she goes to secondary school and isn’t allowed them. I took her to a professional piercer so they were done with a needle not a gun, and therefore have labret studs in (ie flat backs not butterflies). The fronts are really tiny studs, basically flat against her earlobes. They really are the smallest studs she could be wearing and as both sides are flat against her lobes, they are as minimal risk for physical activity as they could be. DD is very active and does swimming, dance and gymnastics and all her coaches are happy for her to wear them.

School aren’t letting her do PE. I can understand that (although I think it’s unnecessary, I’m not going to query it). However, they’re also not letting her do Bikeability. This is a course with external coaches for kids who are already able to ride bikes, which teaches them road safety etc. School are saying she can only do it if she takes her earrings out.

I’ve checked with the Bikeability coaches (not in a weird stalker way, they all work at the local leisure centre so I asked them while we were there) and this is not their policy - they confirmed they go into other schools and don’t insist on children removing earrings in order to take part. They’re not bothered at all. It’s the school’s own policy. DD rides her bike all the time at home with her earrings in.

So WIBU to ask school if she can do it if I sign some kind of disclaimer to say I will not hold them responsible in any way if she falls off her bike and her earring causes damage? Or do we just have to take the earrings out? She’s desperate to do the course so sitting it out won’t be an option.

OP posts:
PassTheDuckie · 24/04/2023 21:25

Clymene · 24/04/2023 20:26

Schools have to have rules. They have to be blanket rules because of parents who try to get round them.

Why do they? Who says? Some rules are absolutely ridiculous.

Wheresthebeach · 24/04/2023 21:25

I'd get a copy of the Bikeability terms and sit down to have a chat with the school. If due to it being run by an outside organisation, their rules can be followed, it might be okay if the school wouldn't be liable for any accidents (for all I know the school will be responsible too anyway but you can ask). I suspect its an insurance/risk issue that won't be about what any of them think, but will be purely a protection from pay outs. Sadly, the more people sue, and hold others responsible for accidents, the more rules are put in place.

The other problem for the school is that if they agree to this - they will then get 10 unreasonable requests based on the 'but you let tygertiger's kid do it'.

HideTheCroissants · 24/04/2023 21:25

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 24/04/2023 20:35

I’d actually love to hear the reasoning as to why earrings can’t be in when playing PE, or why tiny studs are considered as crossing the line with schools. Can’t be doing with nonsense rules around this crap.

Google caught earring injury images…. they aren’t pretty. Yes I’ve witnessed one of these injuries - PE lesson at school and boy do earlobes bleed!

If our school policy was down to me I wouldn’t allow earrings full stop - (speaking as first aider). DD was never allowed earrings at her primary or secondary school - they started being allowed small studs in 6th form. She had her ears pierced with a needle at a piercing studio on the last day of Year 6 so she was fine to take them out by the start of Year 7. A “proper” needle piercing heals better and more quickly than a Claire’s style gun piercing.

Soproudoflionesses · 24/04/2023 21:26

LolaSmiles · 24/04/2023 20:23

If the school policy is no earrings for PE and bikeability falls under their policy then that's the risk you take by choosing to get a year 5 child's ears pierced through term time rather than the summer holidays.

Yeah this.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 24/04/2023 21:26

Tygertiger · 24/04/2023 20:23

Because whatever Claire’s Accessories say, piercings take a lot longer than 6 weeks to heal to the point where they can be left out for hours at a time. So it didn’t seem particularly important to do them in the 6 weeks’ holiday. They’re allowed them in school anyway, just not for PE. As noted, I don’t have an issue with this, even though I privately think it’s excessive. It’s just the Bikeability I think is daft. Do you really think it’s dangerous for a child to ride a bike with tiny studs in?

We will definitely take them out if the school insist on it, but I suspect that will be enough time for them not to go back in again. I’m not going to make a fuss about it. I just think it’s a bit excessive really.

So in my class one child walked past another as he was putting his PE bag on his back. The string got caught on the other boy's earring and caused some damage. Why put your child at risk?

Justapiercer · 24/04/2023 21:27

Lobe piercings do not and never hsve fully healed in 6 weeks. They may look healed but the fistula is forming.

Take this from someone who has been piercing for ten years, doesn't use a gun & has to deal with lobe issues from mistakes with guns and with people giving advice who aren't piercers.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 24/04/2023 21:28

I wouldn't insist on earrings out before riding a bike at home. I also wouldn't ask a child to take off other jewellery. However, working in a school I have seen a really nasty freak de-gloving injury when a student caught some jewellery doing a totally innocuous activity.

After that, the school banned nearly all jewellery, which I know some people might find excessive, but they didn't want to deal with a similar incident again.

At home, I'm not asking other people to deal with a potentially nasty injury.

I know the sort of studs you're describing, and I do think they are safer, but equally schools don't have time for policies that consider every possible type of earring. I think you just have to respect that this is the policy, and go along with it, or find a way around it.

Even though her ears may not be fully healed, if she is careful taking the studs in and out, is that not an option? How long would you want her to leave them in before she takes them out for short periods?

BellePeppa · 24/04/2023 21:35

Tygertiger · 24/04/2023 20:27

I’ve offered that too. Honestly, the ones she has are tiny and flat so actually the same shape and size, so it wouldn’t actually make any difference.

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Is it possible to get flesh coloured or transparent ones that can’t been seen? I mean, I’ve no idea but if they’re small and flat it might work but only if you don’t mind ‘duping’ the teachers.

Soproudoflionesses · 24/04/2023 21:35

IVFbeenverylucky · 24/04/2023 20:51

People keep talking about school policies as though they come from God. All policy means is people have decided to do things a certain way. And they can easily decide to do it another way or do it in a more nuanced way.
I think you should set this all out in writing to school - the things you have offered, what Bikeability have said, and make clear that you will not back down. It being a policy does not mean you have to take it lying down. The school are a public body (assuming it's not a private school), and therefore they have to be willing to consider the actual facts, not blindly rely on the policy. It's almost funny they are relying on H&S, bearing in mind the purpose of a bikeability course.
many schools think they can use the word policy and make all sorts of restrictions on peoples lives - it's important to stand up to this.

They come from a headteacher and board of governors who some of which have years of experience. Can l assume you have never worked and therefore have no clue about risk assessments etc? It isn't school trying to control people's lives - just trying to keep children safe.

reluctantlogin · 24/04/2023 21:36

Don’t you think schools have enough to do looking after pupils and teaching them rather than people just obeying policies and not wanting to be special. Don’t be that parent

reluctantlogin · 24/04/2023 21:37

reluctantlogin · 24/04/2023 21:36

Don’t you think schools have enough to do looking after pupils and teaching them rather than people just obeying policies and not wanting to be special. Don’t be that parent

Sorry- should have said people not obeying policies.

SnackSizeRaisin · 24/04/2023 21:38

The policy is excessively cautious but the reason they are so risk averse is to keep their insurance costs down. By all means ask but if they stick to their line I wouldn't bother to fight it.

I think if you knew your daughter would sit out of pe for 6 weeks just to get her ears pierced that is really poor parenting.

CalamityClam · 24/04/2023 21:38

Tygertiger · 24/04/2023 20:38

If you read my posts I’ve been clear we DIDN’T go to Claire’s? I was being disparaging about them! I’d never go there in a million years!

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Apologies - I read that totally wrong!

Hamsterwheel21 · 24/04/2023 21:39

I will never understand why schools insist on such strict policies around ear piercings, like really how many incidents have there been. (Big earrings I could understand)…. But tiny studs, it’s madness. With all the pressures teachers claim to be under I’ll never understand why they waste their time on stuff like this

CheeseAndOnionIsMyFav · 24/04/2023 21:47

Schools have to be so risk-averse these days. I doubt school will let you sign/write a disclaimer without it being checked by the trust/LA legal team. Just because your daughter has sensible tiny studs with flat backs, it doesn't mean that Jenny won't turn up with earrings that aren't so well thought out and rip out of her ears. Who decides what's 'safe' and who checks?

Unfortunately it's a sign of the times, you might be totally sensible but some parents are out to sue and blame anyone and everyone. Sadly it affects us all.

Dixiechickonhols · 24/04/2023 21:47

Can she not just take them out and put them back in after pe/bikesbility. It’s only going to be an hour max and presumably they have already been in a few weeks over Easter hols. They shouldn’t close. If they do then just get them redone at at later date.

SlippySarah · 24/04/2023 21:48

CalamityClam · 24/04/2023 20:31

You said you had done by a professional piercer but then mentioned Claire’s…. definitely not a professional. Look up advice from elsewhere.

I think that was sarcasm...

ReadersD1gest · 24/04/2023 21:49

Tygertiger · 24/04/2023 20:43

Exactly.

I don’t have an issue with the PE rule.

I have an issue with the Bikeability rule as it’s not Bikeability insisting on it. And I wonder if the posters here who support the school would honestly never let a child who is a competent bike rider and wearing a helmet ride their bike with small earrings in.

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The school would be liable for any injuries, not you. It's completely different.
You get to make health and safety decisions for your child in your own time, not when she's at school.

SlippySarah · 24/04/2023 21:50

My DD got hers done in the last term of Yr 5. The only thing she's ever taken them out for is netball and the class trip to Go Ape. She's now yr 7.

gettingoldisshit · 24/04/2023 21:50

Its behaviour like this that is the reason why so many people have no respect for schools and teachers now days! They seem more interested in enforcing petty pathetic rules than actually educating!

moonspiral · 24/04/2023 21:51

Your kid already has to sit out of PE due to your choice so she'll be fine missing out on the bike thing too. If it's fine for PE then tough she'll have to miss the more "fun" thing

CurlewKate · 24/04/2023 21:51

Never known it to take 18 months for pierced ears to heal.....

Callyem · 24/04/2023 21:52

Hamsterwheel21 · 24/04/2023 21:39

I will never understand why schools insist on such strict policies around ear piercings, like really how many incidents have there been. (Big earrings I could understand)…. But tiny studs, it’s madness. With all the pressures teachers claim to be under I’ll never understand why they waste their time on stuff like this

No teacher is 'wasting time' on this. A policy is written by the subject leader or the school leadership based upon their risk assessments and is followed by teachers because that is their job.

By all means, challenge the policy through the correct channels, but let's bit make digs about teachers 'claiming' to be under pressure and wasting time on things outside of their control.

moonspiral · 24/04/2023 21:53

Hamsterwheel21 · 24/04/2023 21:39

I will never understand why schools insist on such strict policies around ear piercings, like really how many incidents have there been. (Big earrings I could understand)…. But tiny studs, it’s madness. With all the pressures teachers claim to be under I’ll never understand why they waste their time on stuff like this

Because its easier to just have a blanket ban than discuss each individual pair of earrings

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/04/2023 21:53

Why did you not just wait for school holidays?