Do you have a close family member that you HATE

[user1490969170]

not dislike, but actually hate? I know it is a strong word, and it has taken years for me get to this point. But I hate my brother. I would feel nothing if he died, perhaps even happiness/relief.

He is pathological liar, thief, emotionally abusive, narcissit etc.

I look back and wonder why he has turned out like this, and one of the key reasons (IMO) is that there have never been any consequences for him.

It started in his teens with things like drink driving, driving without a license, shooting rabbits on other people land, and never a single consequnce from either of our parents (he never got caught so no consequences from police/farmer etc).

It then escalated to stealing £100,000s from his own father, being a 'rogue landlord' , incessent lying about big and little things, tax evasion etc.

Btw, if you met him, you would think that he was lovely....until you got to know him

Just here to rant really, and ask for other people's experiences.

Yes I’m NC with my sister and have been for 3 years. Vile person.

I have a brother like that, so yep, feel your pain on this!! I am NC and have been for a few yrs, same with my mother as she is totally unhinged!

Sister. She hated me & made it clear my entire life that I was a nonentity - her actual word for me. Tried to reel me back in to her toxic world a while ago after over a decade of just ignoring me; she thought I would come running. I told her to shove it & apparently she was shocked. So lovely not to have that poison in my life now. I won't give a toss when she dies, I'm just not interested.

I'd love to watch my brother drop dead in front of me.

Yep, have one if them and I can honestly say they're a despicable person who has done despicable things and I wouldn't shed a tear if they dropped dead tomorrow. I try stay as LC as I can, but other family members always try to emotionally blackmail me into having some kind of interaction with them, trying to minimise what they have done, making excuses for them. I'd go so far as to say that life would be a lot less stressful if they did actually drop dead tomorrow. Harsh, I know, but it's a fact

Yeah, my brother. In all honesty I wish him well but have no feelings for him really so maybe I don't hate him, but you can get past hate. I make a token effort for my mum but otherwise not much good to say about him.

Unfortunately yes. Although I'm nc, they are still affecting my life from afar - with their lies and slander. They've won in separating me from the wider family and in the future I can only think of moving very very far away and changing my name to escape. I loathe them. They are the very worse type of narcissist - the vile dangerous type.

I have a second cousin who is an absolute scumbag - a thief, a liar, a drug user and a violent criminal who leaves a string of broken relationships and abandoned children in his wake (what these women see in him I really don't know).

I saw him recently for the first time in about 25 years at a family funeral and hopefully that'll be the last time.

Sister. Haven't spoken for 5 years, even walked past each other in the street. My children frequently get the amount of sisters i have wrong, and I never correct them because she is nothing to them.

If she was on deaths door, and I could save her life for 30p, I'd treat myself to a wham bar.

Thankfully not. Had one who I had minimal contact with and was pleased lived a long way away, who died several years ago.

Similar here - My sister loathed me all my life, and even now in middle age she's indifferent to me at best. But much of the time happy to shit stir and bitch non stop about me to the rest of the family.
Then she wails that I'm not as close to her as my other siblings. Well, yeah you fucking weapon! I don't hate her as such, I've just reached the place where I'm equally indifferent.

I've an aunt that I despise, so I'll make sure I have a celebratory drink when I hear shes finally dead.

I'm very grateful that I don't. I like all of my close family members

My stepfather, I've tolerated him for my DM's sake all my life (they got married when I was 7 and he'd been around for a few years before that) but I loathe him with every fibre of my being. He was lecherous and 'handsy' with me as a teenager and I don't trust him around my DD(15) one iota, he gets nowhere near her and never has.

My DM knows/knew and waves it away as 'just how he is' so it has ruined my relationship with her, she thinks we're close but I don't trust her anymore than I do him, it was her job to protect me and she failed. He is also completely socially inept and the most boring and irritating person I have ever met, he makes my skin crawl.

My DM should would never have looked at him twice if my biological father hadn't cheated on her and destroyed her self esteem so I would hate him too if I'd ever met him but he left when I was a few weeks old. He managed to destroy three people's self esteem (me, my DM and my older DB) when he did that so actually I do hate him too, maybe even more than my step father come to think of it. That actually felt good to get out, thanks OP!

I feel like this thread has come to me at the right time.

Yes I hate my Uncle. If it wasn't for my Aunty I wouldn't even bother with him (which I don't really, he's just there). He's a horrible man child, who has tantrums when he doesn't get his own way. When something displeases him he has to keep on about it constantly. He's abusive and has always been pandered to by others so I suppose he has always gotten away with it. He has no redeeming qualities what so ever. There is far more to this but feel like it could be very identifying.

I would absolutely go NC if it wasn't for my Aunty, and after today very much plan on making it less contact.

I came to the realisation over Christmas that it was okay to HATE a family member and I'm at peace with that. I will continue to be okay with this fact and urge others to not feel an ounce of regret or guilt for hating a family member.

I have a sister who sounds very mush like your brother. I don't like her, I would never choose her to be my friend, but I don't think I hate her yet.

I think one of the most difficult aspects is how divisive someone like this can be on the whole family unit. My parents do not deny anything, but also just proceed a long not talking about it (& come out with ridiculous comments like 'people are just jealous' or 'he doesn't say these things about other people', or 'there is always 2 sides to the story') .

Lots of other family members & friends also dislike him (i,e. have reported him to police, HMRC etc), which helps make you feel more sane.

I can't imagine how awful it would be if no-one else saw their behaviours.

My 'brother'.

Jealous little bastard has tried to stitch me up many times over the years. Even though I had nothing to do with him, he hated knowing my career (same industry) was going much better than his. But he was never willing to put in the effort, expected it to fall in his lap. He sneered to people about the role I was in when I was in my late thirties. Yet he's in the exact same position in his mid-fifties the loser.

Final straw was when he tried to affect my daughter's career.

I had great pleasure discovering that when he split with my SIL ( who I get on with very well) she re-married and lives in a large, lovely home, and he spent months renting a grotty flat.

And others have said, I wouldn't be bothered if I heard he'd died, only think the world was better without him.

Flipping heck I could have written your post, haven't spoken to my brother in 10 years and wouldn't even know if something happened to him let alone care 💐

Sadly yes my younger sister though part of me loves her. We are NC.

She ran off with our big sisters DH and my sister has been seriously mentally ill since then. She lives in residential care now.

An ex that I am still friendly with has a horrible, toxic family.
His sisters managed to steal his inheritance and lied about it. He is disabled now and they have never helped him at all although they live at the end of the road. They were just dreadful.
One of the reasons we split up-I didn't want my kids to be part of it.

Pretty much hate the entire side of my Mum's family (not my Mum, she is great, but all her living siblings and their children) for choosing to bury their heads in the sand, ignore a paedophile in the family who has abused multiple children, threw me to the wolves and said I have mental health problems to save their own marriages and jobs. The truth will out and they will unravel and I will not feel one ounce of sympathy for any of them.

I had a brother very much like yours- if you add in a little bit of physical violence and emotional/physical abuse of the women in his life. He also repeatedly dragged me in to the chaos that he created. I went NC with him when my first child was born as I didn't want someone that toxic around my child (plus I genuinely would not have put it past him frightening or harming her to get to me). My parents made excuses for his behaviour and/or minimised it. I didn't like to go in to details about his behaviour so I'm pretty sure most people around me thought I was being attention seeking/dramatic/over-protective etc. He pretended to be hurt that I wouldn't let him have a relationship with my DC (he was annoyed about it, but because it meant he was not in control) and it caused huge arguments with my parents. I was genuinely concerned that, as my DC got older, he would try to contact them directly or other family members would arrange for them to meet him without me knowing- and I truly felt that he would be very likely to encourage them to do harmful things and/or directly hurt them. Quite a few people told me that if anything ever happened to him I would regret my stance and wish I had forgiven him. He did die unexpectedly and all I felt was relief. I still have no regrets, other than that I didn't cut him out of my life earlier. On the odd occasion that I have mentioned some of what I have posted here to friends etc in real life (other than DH) I have been told not to speak ill of the dead.

I used to. But I realised they weren't worth the stomach ulcer. NC for over a decade. It's been lovely.

Yes. Trying not to dox myself in the very off chance my sibling is reading this, but If they can get their shit together or try to make ammends I would forgive them. Not feeling hate right now but certainly have in the past after a couple incidents. It's made family get togethers very uncomfortable lately, which is frustrating bc We've lived far away from family for a long time, and my other sibling's family makes the effort to drive for hrs and get a hotel, and we either miss out on seeing them or it's very uncomfortable bc of sibling in question, and I have to listen to him sprout his garbage conspiracy theories and pro russia propaganda. This person has avoided adult responsibility or dealing with their issues for many yrs now, although they are (very slowly) dealing with some things.

They have threatened me in a vague way and refused to clarify. I suggested to my Mom that I try to talk it out with him before the xmas get together but she said he might take off and miss xmas at the mere suggestion (after driving for hrs to visit) so nothing changed. Then last minute he came for easter to and the whole thing repeated. Super frustrating bc I ended up snubbing my other nephew (who has also lived very far away and was visiting from school) in order to not see bro. Super frustrating. Parents should have enforced consequnces but they are very elderly and I dont want to stress them out or burden them more than they already are.

Sorry for the long rant.

I genuinely hate my brother and often think about how great I'd feel to find out he'd died. I always picture myself at his funeral wearing really bright clothes and with a big smile on my face. He's such a manipulative arsehole of a bully.