For leaving my DD at DM's all weekend?

[angiec89]

For context, DD is 10 and can be a nightmare. Never does what she's told, has behavioural issues at school and is often downright spiteful. DH is far better at handling her outbursts than me but this weekend he was away with friends. She was being horrible on Friday night, calling me a cow and a bitch, shouting and screaming, complete meltdown. With DS having GCSEs coming up I'm at my wit's end. So Saturday morning I drove her to DM's and left her. I didn't say when I was coming back but told DM I'd be back on Sunday night. DM was happy to have her, but DD was miserable all weekend feeling abandoned.
I feel terrible now, but it was the only thing I felt I could do at the time. I spent the weekend helping DS revise and sorting the house out, and by the time I picked her up I felt in a much better place. DD is now sulking and refusing school this morning.
Did I do the wrong thing?

As a single mother, I dealt with a DD2 who behaved the way yours does. She would particularly throw these tantrums when DD1 had something of special importance happening - a recital, an important test, etc. I couldn't send her to her grandparents because they lived next door. However, I sent for information about boarding schools for girls in nearby states, opened the info packets and left them around.

I told DD2 that I would not tolerate being spoken to that way - I used a civil tone to her and expected the same. Also, if she refused to attend school daily then other arrangements would have to be made. I even took both girls on a tour of one boarding school. DD2 believed I meant it and straightened up somewhat. She was a very difficult teenager, but she did restrain her language and graduated secondary school.
Twenty years on, she has a responsible professional job, a good partner, and is my best friend (also she lives in her late grandparents' home next door to me.)

How do you know there was never any doubt whether it be ten minutes ,an hour or a day it's still traumatic....and you don't know when gran actually told her. How do you feel if you're out and lose sight of your child for 5 minutes that stomach churning would be there along with mummy doesn't love me.

Probably because physical abuse is illegal here. As it should be.

She left her with her gran, not in the middle of a busy shopping centre. Of course there was no doubt that OP was going back, particularly since her gran told her when she was picking her up.

Why have you apologised? Dd was told by your dm that you were returning. What consequences does dd have for refusing school?

Apologies for the straight talking here but No wonder your child has behavioural issues if that's how you treat her. There is clearly a root cause that makes her behave like this and I would think it's your job as her mother to find out what the issue is and deal with that. Not just toss her aside when her behaviour irritates you. Why does she feel this way about you? How do you communicate with her? She's clearly lost respect for you along the way? How does your DH talk to her that gets a different response?
Feels like both you and your daughter need external help to understand why you are reacting like this to each other.

You think in the rest of Europe parents discipline by beating their children?

Just look at this thread - probably over 80% of posters tell OP she should be apologising to her 10yo after being called a bitch and a cow. Because we need more teenagers making a nuisance of themselves on the streets (or downright anti-social behaviour).

Why don’t you speak to teachers from secondary schools at the wrong end of town and see what they think about young teen behaviour and permissive parenting.