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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how do people afford everything?

381 replies

JL642 · 23/04/2023 23:32

Just that. How does everyone afford everything?

Coffee shops etc packed here. Social media full of people doing expensive things.

DH and I ate high earners so I don’t get it.

OP posts:
WomanFromTheNorth · 24/04/2023 07:33

The cost of living crisis disproportionately affects those who are already struggling, I'm afraid. Thank the Tories.

Popsicle42 · 24/04/2023 07:33

High earner. Just back from ski holiday.
We live in a Victorian terrace that has gone up in value since I bought it, but I’ve only remortgaged once, for a loft conversion. I have kept my mortgage low so I don’t stretch myself each month.

Our summer holiday will be a week in a caravan or small cottage/apartment because we prefer to splash out on the winter holiday.

We have a lot of takeaways but there aren’t really any other extravagances - rarely buy clothes and if I do, it’s from Next or M&S. virtually never buy make-up. Get a simple cut and blow dry about every 6 months. Have been a member of an expensive gym but thinking of ending it because I don’t use it enough to justify the cost.

Goldenbear · 24/04/2023 07:33

If we were renting there is no way my DH (in particular) would spend up to £1000s on extras, it would be put aside as savings for a deposit.

Sandunesandseashells · 24/04/2023 07:33

Approx 20 years ago we chatted in an estate agents in St Tropez. One of the things they mentioned is how obsessed the Brits are with the exterior look of their homes - the French are not as long as it is structurally sound so you cannot tell the wealth of the occupant from the outside. Same in cities like Venice. We in the UK are preoccupied on spending big money on things others use to enjoy life.

Hotfootgoose · 24/04/2023 07:35

We have a credit card culture and people
live in debt.

Thatsridiculous · 24/04/2023 07:36

Why do posters here need to be so black and white and jump on one specific part of the post?!

The OP didn’t say she can’t afford a coffee.

Her point was that going out for coffee isn’t cheap and in a supposed cost of living crisis it’s surprising that the coffee shops are still so busy. Ffs.

I get what you mean OP. As a family we would probably be slotted in to the high earner category - while we are comfortable in day to day life I am also often surprised by what other people can afford.

Holidays abroad surprise me the most.

DH has a theory that people get in to debt to cover them but surely that’s not the case for everyone!

Maybe the people I see are frugal in other aspects of their life in order to afford the holidays….I don’t see that though!

Thatsridiculous · 24/04/2023 07:39

This is probably where I go wrong.

I do like to buy clothes but also next and M&S. I do wear make up every day so regularly buy that. I also get my nails done every 3-4 weeks and my hair cut and coloured every 7-8 weeks. I am in no way glamorous btw!!

I suppose if I cut out a lot of that I could afford nicer holidays!

sofamarathon · 24/04/2023 07:39

I think lots of people spend money without saving or spend what they cant really afford

Beautiful3 · 24/04/2023 07:39

I think alot of those people you're talking about are either young and live at home, or in social housing. So they can afford the extras. People who's mortgages have shot up, are really cutting back.

schnauzerbeard · 24/04/2023 07:40

Loria · 24/04/2023 00:25

Well they are expensive. She's clearly spending loads of money on something if she's a high earner who can't buy/do nice things and drugs cost loads.

SOS grange. Do you think if it was drugs op would still come and post about how people can afford coffee? You'd think she would know the reason why she can't buy coffee is because of expensive drug habit?

CheersForThatEh · 24/04/2023 07:40

Priorities. Some friends spend on lots of days out which really add up, others do one big holiday every couple of years.

Get off social media and live how you want to.

Tarantullah · 24/04/2023 07:41

DH has a theory that people get in to debt to cover them but surely that’s not the case for everyone!

Whilst some do most don't, if you book early or are flexible in where you want to go you can go abroad for cheaper than a UK holiday. A fair amount of people are on okay wages as well, despite what MN seems to suggest which is that people are either poor or on huge wages; reality is most are in between. If most people dissected their spending they'd see where they unconsciously have been prioritising, people are shocked we went for a mortgage way below what we could afford because they stretch themselves to get 'the best' they can afford whereas we went for workable and okay as good enough, for example and our cars are fairly old when we could afford leases or whatever.

Tarantullah · 24/04/2023 07:41
schnauzerbeard · 24/04/2023 07:41

So strange, not SOS grange!

WinchSparkle80 · 24/04/2023 07:42

Or a fair few people earn more than you realise.
I had to come off sm as it annoyed me so much, maybe have a break from it OP? I found it really helped.

Beezknees · 24/04/2023 07:42

Goldenbear · 24/04/2023 07:33

If we were renting there is no way my DH (in particular) would spend up to £1000s on extras, it would be put aside as savings for a deposit.

Not everyone can do that. If you're a single person, you will not get accepted for a mortgage on one low income.

Goldenbear · 24/04/2023 07:42

I don't know why anyone would find it perplexing that two people on a good joint income without children has money to spend. Most of our money goes on our teenager and pre-teen as in holiday abroad now is own hotel room, adult clothes so with VAT, extra curricular clubs and instruments a bit more expensive than the fisher price drum kit!

CheersForThatEh · 24/04/2023 07:43

People dont afford everything.

Some people always have hair and nails done, some people spend on going out, some people choose all branded food and have expensive shops, other people dont.

Others spend on credit or inheritance.

So many people on mumsnet ask about overpaying or paying off the mortgage and there is usually a fairly even split of people committed to it and others living for now and seeing it as a long term cost. Many people cant get a mortgage. Life isnt a formula.

Charlize43 · 24/04/2023 07:44

Take no notice of what you see on social media: I was in West London last week and saw three girls in the Notting Hill Coffee Project taking turns to be photographed with one cup of coffee (I think they were Italian tourists or Influencers... they certainly spent a good deal of time posing).

There was also that woman who faked a whole luxury holiday to Bali by shooting it in her local IKEA store - I think the story is on Youtube.

Social media full of people doing expensive things shit.

TiredandLate · 24/04/2023 07:44

Most people aren't spending constantly every day. I post on social media if I go to an event, beautiful place or meet up with friends I don't see often. I don't post the days/weeks/months in between where I go to work, eat my boring lunch and come home again. But scrolling my account you might think I'm "always" out doing something expensive.

Holidays- book far enough in advance to save up monthly and pay the balance in full by the due date.

Our cars are owned outright and not new, some people spend £500+ a month on this so that is a huge chunk free.

No childcare! Another £500-1000 saving.

QuentininQuarantino · 24/04/2023 07:44

I probably look like I earn loads on my social media. I have 3 ski weekends a year plus monthly holidays, but I live by the mountains and stay in a friends flat and have my own skis so it is just lift passes I pay for, and when I holiday, it’s camping round various European cities or staying in hostels. I don’t put the hostels on instagram I put the landmarks! I had a sunset beach dinner in another country last week, it looks amazing on insta but in reality it’s a 20 minute drive away and I had a voucher. My house is slowly being renovated but by me, and I don’t photograph the bad bits! My car is old and owned outright but I wouldn’t instagram it!

step away from the social media - it isn’t real!

mrsfennel · 24/04/2023 07:45

Many people have money, high earners, family wealth, investments etc. The media would have everyone believe the whole population is on the breadline as it makes a good story.

The people who are suffering are the people who never had any money before and they still dont now.
Government energy help and cost of living payments helped. Many of the headlines of 800 pcm energy bills etc were actually DD and not actual bills.

If you look at food price rises they are not as much as the media loves to report. Many shops closing are doing so due to the fact they over expanded so they are focusing on their profitable ones.
Over easter restaurants, coffee shops etc were really busy in the nearby SW market town im close to. Another coffee shop has opened and local markets were rammed.

updin · 24/04/2023 07:48

They either have more money than you (earned, given or borrowed) or they spend it differently and more "outwardly", it's really not rocket science is it.

mrsfennel · 24/04/2023 07:49

I agree with @QuentininQuarantino as well.

I have 'nice' stuff in my wardrobe and home but most of it is second hand designer stuff and house things from FB marketplace . I do all my decorating myself with farrow and ball dupes. I drive an old car and choose what I spend carefully.

Sissynova · 24/04/2023 07:50

@Thatsridiculous Her point was that going out for coffee isn’t cheap and in a supposed cost of living crisis it’s surprising that the coffee shops are still so busy. Ffs.

Going out for coffee is literally one of the cheapest things you can do to go out and socialise.

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