To think you don’t use hosts en-suite?

[HauntedLady]

Uni friend and her husband staying with me last night after an evening in at mine. Slightly odd house layout in that it’s a tall, thin house across 4 floors - on the floor they were sleeping there’s only the guest room and my bedroom with an en-suite. Family bathroom is halfway up the stairs leading up to the next floor that has my dc’s bedrooms.

I wake in the night to hear shuffling around in my en-suite - sleepily call out “wash your hands” as 7yo has a habit of coming to use my loo in the night if he wakes up then getting into bed with me still. Hear a laugh and friend says “don’t worry, only me” before going back to guest bedroom. I struggle to get back to sleep again thinking his bizarre it was and wondering if that means her dh will be coming in to use my loo too - he didn’t thankfully. She came back for another loo visit a couple of hours later. I got up early with dc so not sure if they used it for morning ablutions, seemed to use family bathroom for shower but it’s a much nicer shower so it makes sense.

AIBU to think you don’t go to the loo in your hosts en-suite when you know they’re asleep in bed? I wouldn’t be too bothered about anyone using it during the day but when I’m in my bedroom it seems a bit of an invasion.

Friend and her dh know the layout of my house as they came for my housewarming party but haven’t stayed over before. They definitely know where the main bathroom is though and it’s not much of a hike to get there.

It’s weird but unless the guest is a known transgressor of boundaries, not rude, just … in need of clear unequivocal instruction. She might have misguidedly thought that nearest would cause least disruption. Like some people don’t flush. Next time leave post-its with arrows on the stairs!

Um, I don’t think I’d be trusting her, op. That is very weird.

Fine in the day, bit bonkers at night but on the other hand, it’s a loo practically in your bedroom so it’s the location’s fault. But give her the benefit of the doubt – it’s discombobulating waking somewhere that’s not your own house, perhaps still a bit pissed, brain not in full working order, need the loo, this was a loo, use it and back to bed. Not sure how to explain the second visit though!

I was ready to say yabu because I have a townhouse and the middle floor has the living room, my room and the en suite so when we jave guests, they use thae en suite as it's easier.

But no not when your sleeping, that crossed so many boundaries! You don't enter someone else's bedroom whilst they are asleep, it's creepy as fuck!

It's bizarre and invasive!

I thought it offensive enough when MIL once said that she wanted to hold a family gathering at my house 'because we have two loos'. Like it's ok for her to invite multiple guests to traipse through our master bedroom to crap in our loo which is only a couple of metres from our bed. Ewww. I didn't say anything but closed the bedroom door as a hint & didn't mention it to anyone arriving.

That's so rude and if that was my friend, they wouldn't be invited to stay again.

Completely inappropriate! But it sounds like she was just staying one night? So no need to address it, just don't invite her to stay over again. I doubt you'd have to spell this out to any other overnight guests because it's such a mad thing to do!

Wow. I think entering a host’s bedroom is a complete no-no unless explicitly invited/given permission, even if they are not currently in there. Even with close friends who visit all the time, they ask before using my en suite toilet (if the other bathroom is in use) - and it’s super weird to use an en suite when the person is in there.

Maybe she didn’t want to wake the kids up by going down to their floor.

In anyone's mind that's better than walking into another adult's bedroom without permission while they are in bed...surely? Waking kids vs walking in on an adult without invitation while they are naked/sleeping/masturbating/plucking their b hairs/whatever adults might be doing in the privacy of their own bedroom...no contest for normal people!

It is weird to enter someone’s room while they’re sleeping to go use their en-suite. I’d definitely be going upstairs. She might have not been thinking straight or one of those people with loose boundaries who wouldn’t see an issue with people doing that to her. You shouldn’t have to say but next time tell guests which bathroom to use.

That's weird! What if you were naked and uncovered in bed!

I never heard of such a thing. I can only once recall a guest (apart from very close family) using our en suite, at my invitation, and that was a niece when the other bathroom shower wasn’t working.

I’d be locking the bedroom door! We have a bolt high up on ours, very rarely used though.

If it was in the day, family bathroom was occupied and desperate that'd be alright. But creeping past you and husband in bed, super weird!

When we had friends over once, I went upstairs to get something and met 1 of my friends coming out of my bedroom ensuite.
She said she was just using the toilet. I was surprised and just said there was no one was in main bathroom, so she could have used that. She replied, no she preferred to use the ensuite.

I’d have been tempted to say “well I’d prefer it if you didn’t”.

Very very strange, I would never enter a room where a couple was unless it was the only loo. You and your hubby could have been doing anything!!

Have you ever noticed any other strange mannerisms?

@Chuckydidit no other strange mannerisms. When she lived abroad with her dh they lived in autralia (where her dh is from) in a development that her dh’s family had built and was populated almost entirely with just his family members. I know they were forever in and out of each other’s houses so maybe boundaries are slightly different as a result?

Yeah that's weird.

Just ask them not to!