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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t use hosts en-suite?

119 replies

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 20:37

Uni friend and her husband staying with me last night after an evening in at mine. Slightly odd house layout in that it’s a tall, thin house across 4 floors - on the floor they were sleeping there’s only the guest room and my bedroom with an en-suite. Family bathroom is halfway up the stairs leading up to the next floor that has my dc’s bedrooms.

I wake in the night to hear shuffling around in my en-suite - sleepily call out “wash your hands” as 7yo has a habit of coming to use my loo in the night if he wakes up then getting into bed with me still. Hear a laugh and friend says “don’t worry, only me” before going back to guest bedroom. I struggle to get back to sleep again thinking his bizarre it was and wondering if that means her dh will be coming in to use my loo too - he didn’t thankfully. She came back for another loo visit a couple of hours later. I got up early with dc so not sure if they used it for morning ablutions, seemed to use family bathroom for shower but it’s a much nicer shower so it makes sense.

AIBU to think you don’t go to the loo in your hosts en-suite when you know they’re asleep in bed? I wouldn’t be too bothered about anyone using it during the day but when I’m in my bedroom it seems a bit of an invasion.

Friend and her dh know the layout of my house as they came for my housewarming party but haven’t stayed over before. They definitely know where the main bathroom is though and it’s not much of a hike to get there.

OP posts:
Kyse · 23/04/2023 22:22

Definitely weird
My friends sometimes ask to use mine as it's more private - apartment where the bathroom is opposite the living room - and I don't mind that at all

katepilar · 23/04/2023 22:30

justanotherdrama · 23/04/2023 22:04

This is so weird but then as a grown woman I'm always amazed why adults feel the need to have a "sleepover" and not just go home. Me and my friends never do that!

Perhaps because they live too far from each other to go home at night?

OrangeRock · 23/04/2023 22:31

Fuck no!
For so many reasons. She shouldn’t be coming into your bedroom, or using your ensuite.
Tell her to not come into your room and use the bathroom which is steps away from them.
Just no.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/04/2023 22:31

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 21:46

@Greensleevevssnotnose there aren’t any floors with a bathroom on - it’s a weird layout. Tall, thin town house with high ceiling. At some point someone added an extension on the back that adds a room halfway up each flight of stairs with the downstairs room having a low ceiling (if that makes any sense at all). The stairs all double back on themselves and where the double back, halfway up is a room. Between the floor where my room and guest room is and dc’s rooms are above is a bathroom.

She had to walk past my bed to get to en-suite as it’s in the corner of my room. Although she walked past the end of my bed rather than last my face, which is slightly better, I guess.

@HauntedLady we need a diagram of your house 😂

But yes course she was weird and rude to use your en-suite as enters your bedroom

Maybe tomorrow am say good thing you didn't come in 5 mins earlier or you would have caught dh and I mid bonk

Climbles · 23/04/2023 22:31

I wouldn’t use someone’s en-suit even if they weren’t in their bedroom never mind if they were asleep. So weird.

BorsetshireBanality · 23/04/2023 22:33

I wouldn’t dream of using host’s en-suite but equally I don’t like walking up and down stairs in the dark in case I fall.

BringMeTea · 23/04/2023 22:34

She's an absolute freak. I would be consciously unkindling if I were you.

Original poster
HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 22:36

@justanotherdrama you really can’t think of a reason someone would stay overnight at their friend’s house? It’s not like some teenage sleepover with pillow fights and scary films. They live over an hour away, they came over for a dinner party with some other mutual friends, there’s no public transport round here so either one of them didn’t drink and then drive them both home at midnight or they can stay over. I have a spare room, it’s no inconvenience at all. Well, usually it isn’t. Guests don’t normally wander into my bedroom for a 2am wee.

OP posts:
Original poster
HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 22:37

@Blondeshavemorefun i did consider that but it would have to be some CAD design as it’s hard to do a floor plan of it in 2D

OP posts:
billy1966 · 23/04/2023 22:39

Very rude, really inappropriate, and frankly bizarre.

Schnooze · 23/04/2023 22:44

What would have happened if either of you had been naked and sprawled on top of the bed?

Its just not appropriate. Does she fancy your dh op?

Mintchocmabel · 23/04/2023 22:48

Ew no, it way oversteps the boundaries of guest manners and I’d be freaked out at the thought they might have stood over the bed watching me sleep or looking in my cabinets at personal products.

We were hosting Christmas when I heard heavy footsteps upstairs. I headed up to find that my (not close) SIL had followed DC to see their new room but then set off of a tour which included master bedroom and she was ‘viewing’ our en-suite when I sprung her. Knowing from previous visit that we weren’t minded to give everyone a gratuitous tour of our home, she couldn’t be surprised when I told her to remove herself from our private space. I’d have got such an ick if she’d used it too, when there are proper guest facilities.

IntheSnowySnowyMountains · 23/04/2023 22:51

Yes definitely strange, however close you have been in the past! The only guests allowed to use my ensuite are people who need to bathe young children, because the only bath is in there.

Vermut · 23/04/2023 22:57

I’ve just discovered that my husband and his friends hang out with prostitutes, even messaging them to meet, even though he swears he doesn’t sleep with them. We’re expats in the Middle East and evidently he has a thing for women from Africa. My husband has many characteristics of a narcissist and I’ve already put up with so much from him over the past 25 years. Now I feel that he’s gaslighting me (yet again), saying that it’s all just a bit of fun and I shouldn’t have a problem with it because he doesn’t sleep with them. He’s said he’s sorry and expects me just to accept his apology and carry on as usual. For the last 10 years he’s been the sole breadwinner as he has a very well paid job and I’ve looked after the children while we’ve moved country 6 times. My eldest is at a crucial stage in his education so I can’t just up and leave. I’ve just started working but I’m on a very low salary. A big part of me is scared to go it alone but I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine. I know he loves me but he also thinks he can do whatever he likes and then apologize afterwards. He loves to show off that we’ve been together for so long whilst almost all our friends have got divorced but I can’t keep taking the hits. None of my friends or family like him because he’s so self-centred but I don’t know why I find it so difficult to leave. Any advice from people who have been in a similar position?

Stripeyhandbag · 23/04/2023 23:00

And this is why you say - 'Here is your bedroom and this is the bathroom for you to use while you're here', making it very clear.

I always give guests exclusive use of the family bathroom while they're here. Everyone is more comfortable.

Your friend is weird though!!

StrugglingWeight · 23/04/2023 23:00

Even if someone had told me they were okay with me using their entire suite I wouldnt use it while they were asleep in bed!

That's proper odd behaviour. You don't go into someone's bedroom when they are sleeping, you dont use an ensuite without someone telling you it's okay. It's just bizarre

BadNomad · 23/04/2023 23:01

@Vermut you need to start your own thread.

@HauntedLady I can only assume she thought using the loo on the same level was easier than climbing a half flight of stairs then potentially disturbing your children when she flushed. Being friends she probably thought you wouldn't mind.

tinyme77 · 23/04/2023 23:01

Maybe they didn't want to wake your children.

ilovesushi · 23/04/2023 23:01

Hadn't really thought about it before, but now I do, I would never use someone else's en suite unless invited to, and when we have guests, if the main bathroom is in use, they have always asked and I've always been fine about it. Very weird though to come and use it while you are asleep in bed!

StrugglingWeight · 23/04/2023 23:04

Greensleevevssnotnose · 23/04/2023 21:23

Maybe put the guest room on a floor with a bathroom then? I wouldn't think twice about using the nearest bathroom to be honest

You genuinely wouldn't think twice about going through a friends bedroom, whilst they were asleep, to use their en suite in the middle of the night?

You genuinely think that's normal behaviour?

Yolo12345 · 23/04/2023 23:06

Crazy and unbelievable

Thepeopleversuswork · 23/04/2023 23:08

That is odd. I wouldn't have a problem with someone using it during the day but in the middle of the night when people are sleeping in the bedroom it's just rude.

Original poster
HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:09

@Schnooze no husband so that’s not an issue, at least

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 23/04/2023 23:09

no it’s not normal. I can’t imagine using anyone’s en-suite even during the day.
Did you tell her anything in the morning?
I probably would tell that I was really scared when woke up and realized that there was someone in my room to see what her reaction would be.
And it definitely would be the last time she’s staying with me.

ejbaxa · 23/04/2023 23:09

Weird behaviour

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