To think you don’t use hosts en-suite?

[HauntedLady]

Uni friend and her husband staying with me last night after an evening in at mine. Slightly odd house layout in that it’s a tall, thin house across 4 floors - on the floor they were sleeping there’s only the guest room and my bedroom with an en-suite. Family bathroom is halfway up the stairs leading up to the next floor that has my dc’s bedrooms.

I wake in the night to hear shuffling around in my en-suite - sleepily call out “wash your hands” as 7yo has a habit of coming to use my loo in the night if he wakes up then getting into bed with me still. Hear a laugh and friend says “don’t worry, only me” before going back to guest bedroom. I struggle to get back to sleep again thinking his bizarre it was and wondering if that means her dh will be coming in to use my loo too - he didn’t thankfully. She came back for another loo visit a couple of hours later. I got up early with dc so not sure if they used it for morning ablutions, seemed to use family bathroom for shower but it’s a much nicer shower so it makes sense.

AIBU to think you don’t go to the loo in your hosts en-suite when you know they’re asleep in bed? I wouldn’t be too bothered about anyone using it during the day but when I’m in my bedroom it seems a bit of an invasion.

Friend and her dh know the layout of my house as they came for my housewarming party but haven’t stayed over before. They definitely know where the main bathroom is though and it’s not much of a hike to get there.

Extremely rude.

If you'd said "Oh just use the Ensuite if it's more convenient" then all well and good but assuming you hadn't then friend is out of order.

If you have people staying again, you will have to make it crystal clear that the separate bathroom is available for guest use, and not your own private one.

@WolfFoxHare definitely no mobility problems. The landing light is always on overnight too as youngest gets frightened without it so it’s not like she’d have struggled to find her way there

@Doyoumind we’d had a few drinks with dinner and throughout the evening but none of us were smashed.

Did she walk past your bed to get into your ensuite? I guess that sort of matters.....at a push!

I viewed a house where with the master bedroom you opened the door and ahead was the bathroom but you turned right for the bedroom.

Maybe I could see why that might seem more like a communal bathroom. I still wouldn't do it myself.....but if she was actually walking into your room and past your bed - that's bonkers.

Even if she thought wandering through your bedroom when you were asleep is in any way appropriate (it's not!!) the fact she knows she woke you up the first time makes doing it a second time even worse! Wtf was she thinking?!

So weird. The only thing I can even think of is that maybe they thought they would wake the kids up if they used the main bathroom next to their bathrooms? But even that’s a reach as I would worry about something like that but I’d ask “is it ok to use the main bathroom, I won’t wake the kids will I?”

Are they staying again tonight? If they’re good enough friends to be staying over just say, mate it was really weird coming into our bedroom can you use the main one upstairs.

I once lived in an apartment where the only bathroom was an ensuite.
So when I had people over, I expected them to go into my bedroom to use the bathroom.
Otherwise that would have been a complete no no!

That is astonishingly rude.

are you saying she only had to go up half a flight of stairs?

Maybe put the guest room on a floor with a bathroom then? I wouldn't think twice about using the nearest bathroom to be honest

Even if you have to walk into your sleeping host's bedroom to access it? Surely not!
Breaks all norms and boundaries.

When walking through people's rooms while they are sleeping? Or having sex, for all she knew.

It's a bit weird, but I would just assume that they had got lost / were half-asleep.

That is wierd, but for some reason she must have thought it was ok.

When they visited previously for the housewarming, did you let guests use the en suite?

Have you ever been flatmates, or shared a holiday home where en suites were considered communal?

The only situations I can think of that may have blurred the lines.

Well hopefully you will now that you've had 2 pages of mumsnetters telling you it's outrageous!

So you’d happily walk into your hosts bedroom and wake them up rather than walk a bit further. Thank god you don’t stay at my house, my en-suite is in my bedroom and when you turn on the light a fan kicks in and the sink backs on to the wall next to my bed.

@Greensleevevssnotnose there aren’t any floors with a bathroom on - it’s a weird layout. Tall, thin town house with high ceiling. At some point someone added an extension on the back that adds a room halfway up each flight of stairs with the downstairs room having a low ceiling (if that makes any sense at all). The stairs all double back on themselves and where the double back, halfway up is a room. Between the floor where my room and guest room is and dc’s rooms are above is a bathroom.

She had to walk past my bed to get to en-suite as it’s in the corner of my room. Although she walked past the end of my bed rather than last my face, which is slightly better, I guess.

@DragonDoor we lived in halls together 20 years ago for a year and were really close. Then she emigrated when she met her dh and came back 5 years ago so it’s so of a rekindled friendship. Tbh if I was expecting her to use my en-suite it wouldn’t have been an issue. It was more waking in the night to find someone I didn’t expect to be there having a piss a couple of metres from my face.

Insane behaviour! Walking into someone’s bedroom in the middle of the night for a wee - WAKING THEM UP - when there is another bathroom? What the fuck. I would passive aggressively kill that off with kindness and say oh dear you woke me up twice, please would you use the main bathroom rather than THE ONE IN MY BEDROOM.

I looked at a flat 2 years ago with a strange layout, a 1 bed flat, and to get to the bathroom you had to walk through the only bedroom. I knew it would be awkward if a guest stayed over, so did not make an offer.
It's very strange your guest did not use the main family bathroom, it seems she went out of her way to reach your en suite.

Thats so rude

and to come back in again?!

This is so weird but then as a grown woman I'm always amazed why adults feel the need to have a "sleepover" and not just go home. Me and my friends never do that!

Invest in a lock

It’s usually when they’ve had a few drinks & obviously can’t drive/don’t really live a taxi distance away from home. I don’t think it’s that weird?

Oops forgot to quote @justanotherdrama

I agree it's weird. I think I'd just jokingly ask if they got lost on the way to the loo in the middle of the night.