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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t use hosts en-suite?

119 replies

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 20:37

Uni friend and her husband staying with me last night after an evening in at mine. Slightly odd house layout in that it’s a tall, thin house across 4 floors - on the floor they were sleeping there’s only the guest room and my bedroom with an en-suite. Family bathroom is halfway up the stairs leading up to the next floor that has my dc’s bedrooms.

I wake in the night to hear shuffling around in my en-suite - sleepily call out “wash your hands” as 7yo has a habit of coming to use my loo in the night if he wakes up then getting into bed with me still. Hear a laugh and friend says “don’t worry, only me” before going back to guest bedroom. I struggle to get back to sleep again thinking his bizarre it was and wondering if that means her dh will be coming in to use my loo too - he didn’t thankfully. She came back for another loo visit a couple of hours later. I got up early with dc so not sure if they used it for morning ablutions, seemed to use family bathroom for shower but it’s a much nicer shower so it makes sense.

AIBU to think you don’t go to the loo in your hosts en-suite when you know they’re asleep in bed? I wouldn’t be too bothered about anyone using it during the day but when I’m in my bedroom it seems a bit of an invasion.

Friend and her dh know the layout of my house as they came for my housewarming party but haven’t stayed over before. They definitely know where the main bathroom is though and it’s not much of a hike to get there.

OP posts:
Strawberrydelight78 · 23/04/2023 23:10

Strange I would be putting a lock on bedroom door. Also prevents any embarrassing interruptions from DC. 😉

ladycarlotta · 23/04/2023 23:11

Charitably I can only think that she didn't want to disturb the kids by going nearer to their room in the night... but if that were the case surely you'd have warned her about it! Only other explanation I can think of is that her partner was in the other bathroom and she was desperate? But honestly I think I'd do almost anything else before I crept into someone else's en suite. Very strange behaviour.

Original poster
HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:14

@Strawberrydelight78 theres no DP on my side and as my youngest is now 7, I love it on the odd occasion when he still creeps in at night for a snuggle as I know he won’t be doing it for much longer. Then I’ll just be left with the cat for cuddles and he fucking hates me.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/04/2023 23:14

Maybe they didn't want to wake your children up?

Had you told them which bathroom to use?

BonjourCrisette · 23/04/2023 23:15

I wouldn't have a problem with this if I wasn't actually in my bedroom but it's beyond weird to do it when you are actually asleep in bed!

Schnooze · 23/04/2023 23:18

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:09

@Schnooze no husband so that’s not an issue, at least

Maybe she fancies you instead then 😀

watcherintherye · 23/04/2023 23:19

underneaththeash · 23/04/2023 20:41

We’ve had the same thing! Very odd as there is a bathroom in the floor of the guest room. We had to make it clear that our bathroom was out of bounds.
my MiL has also tried to use your en suite and been denied!

Your MIL has tried to use the op’s en suite? Now that is weird! Grin

Original poster
HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:21

I think it is possible that she was worried about waking the kids. There were 10 people over for dinner and a couple of times towards the end I had to ask people to keep it down a bit as I was concerned they’d wake up despite being 2 floors up. It’s also a house with very old plumbing and every time you flush the loo or run a tap it sounds like a foghorn going off. My dc are used to it so don’t hear it but she might have been concerned about that.

I wish I’d mentioned it to her but I wasn’t sure if I was just being overly fussy. It’s been niggling me all day though so thought I’d ask here.

OP posts:
Whenharrymetsmelly · 23/04/2023 23:21

So weird, but beyond weird to use it while you were asleep!!

Stripeyhandbag · 23/04/2023 23:25

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:21

I think it is possible that she was worried about waking the kids. There were 10 people over for dinner and a couple of times towards the end I had to ask people to keep it down a bit as I was concerned they’d wake up despite being 2 floors up. It’s also a house with very old plumbing and every time you flush the loo or run a tap it sounds like a foghorn going off. My dc are used to it so don’t hear it but she might have been concerned about that.

I wish I’d mentioned it to her but I wasn’t sure if I was just being overly fussy. It’s been niggling me all day though so thought I’d ask here.

I think you should have. 'Jane, why did you keep coming in my bedroom last night? You know the bathroom for you was up/down the stairs?' cause she won't know she's a weirdo otherwise

user1473878824 · 23/04/2023 23:26

HauntedLady · 23/04/2023 23:21

I think it is possible that she was worried about waking the kids. There were 10 people over for dinner and a couple of times towards the end I had to ask people to keep it down a bit as I was concerned they’d wake up despite being 2 floors up. It’s also a house with very old plumbing and every time you flush the loo or run a tap it sounds like a foghorn going off. My dc are used to it so don’t hear it but she might have been concerned about that.

I wish I’d mentioned it to her but I wasn’t sure if I was just being overly fussy. It’s been niggling me all day though so thought I’d ask here.

I totally get this but she woke you up twice. The first time when you thought it was the 7 year old if it were me I’d have whisperer so sorry, didn’t want to wake the kids up! It’s NUTS.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 23/04/2023 23:28

That is bizarre behaviour! I can't imagine why she thought it was ok when she knows where the bathroom is
Then to come back again, knowing she'd woken you!

Katherine1985 · 23/04/2023 23:30

I was coming on to say it was weird af but also offensive as I doubt she’d do it if you were in bed with a partner

RavenclawLuna · 23/04/2023 23:46

Oh that's really weird. Especially if she knows where the main bathroom is!

Strawberrydelight78 · 23/04/2023 23:56

A family member of mine did this to my brother and wife. They stayed at they're house because it was closer to the airport. After being up in the night with they're young baby. Family member went into they're bedroom early hours of the morning just to announce they were leaving for the airport.

Myself and a friend have stayed with my brother before an early morning flight. But we slept in the clothes we were traveling in to be as quiet as possible. Then went to wait outside for our pre booked taxi.

ClairDeLaLune · 23/04/2023 23:59

That is beyond weird. And the height of bad manners.

whynotwhatknot · 24/04/2023 00:01

did you not say anything in the morning

so weird i would never do that

LadyJ2023 · 24/04/2023 00:11

Erm I wouldn't do it nor would I expect it slightly odd

Wheresthebeach · 24/04/2023 00:37

Wow - seriously weird. I’m amazed you didn’t say anything- I probably would have blurted out ‘you’ve woken me up - use the other bathroom’ and done it grumpily too.

SeekingAdventure79 · 24/04/2023 00:46

What? That is so intrusive and totally not on. I'd be fuming OP

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 01:15

justanotherdrama · 23/04/2023 22:04

This is so weird but then as a grown woman I'm always amazed why adults feel the need to have a "sleepover" and not just go home. Me and my friends never do that!

Amazed….? Wow.

It may (obviously will) come as a shock to you - but some people have out of town friends, and sometimes those friends stay at each other’s house.

‘Amazing’ this needs explaining…

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 01:18

Greensleevevssnotnose · 23/04/2023 21:23

Maybe put the guest room on a floor with a bathroom then? I wouldn't think twice about using the nearest bathroom to be honest

Well, if that involves walking into people’s bedrooms while they’re sleeping, for God’s sake stop doing it.

Or, if you won’t stop doing it, know that people think you’re weird and inappropriate and will stop inviting you to things.

SargentSagittarius · 24/04/2023 01:19

There are some right weirdos on MN.

mathanxiety · 24/04/2023 01:22

YANBU.

Very weird and rude.

sausage767 · 24/04/2023 01:26

Super weird. It’s a big no from me, unless you’re expressly invited to, eg at a party. I don’t mind my sister or mum using my ensuite when they come to stay but not in the middle of the night! I assume these guests do know where the main bathroom is.