I’m addicted to shoplifting and got caught today

[Shamefaced23]

And banned nationally from that supermarket for life .
I am bipolar and did it to get a high - I’ve been addicted to alcohol and cutting myself in the past.
I’m so ashamed , I’m worried my family will find out.
I did wrong and I admit it . Is there anywhere I can get help.

OP, are you by any chance menopausal? I and a number of menopausal women I know have experienced a sudden temptation to shoplift at one point or another, not for financial reasons particularly or because we particularly wanted the items so it's hard to explain. And I read an article I can't find now which suggested it's not uncommon in menopausal women to feel this way!

I know you said it's connected to your BPD, just wondered if hormones could also be playing a part?

Anyway, stop feeling bad about yourself - it's only some objects and you weren't trying to steal them from an individual who would be saddened or materially harmed by their loss. Shop-lifting from a massive chain may not quite be a victimless crime, but it hardly makes you evil incarnate, even if you DIDN'T have a health issue causing you to do it.... I wouldn't for a second judge a friend who shoplifted from Sainsbury's. I would try and help her access help if she wanted to though.

Regarding the lifetime ban, I would just avoid that Sainsbury's and other very local ones for the time being.

Best of luck OP.

I’m crying - yes I think it might have been.

I am not coping with life very well at the moment- a lot of very stressful things have happened and the people I would usually turn to for support have a lot on their plates at the moment.

I was reading the thread and also wondering if your diagnosis is correct. And given how autism presents so differently in women I’m wondering if you are on the spectrum. It doesn’t mean to say you don’t also have Bi-Polar disorder (my adult child has both) but I do believe there are a lot of women and girls out there going through life with a mis-diagnosis. And as it happens I wonder if my ex husband who has two children with autism from two different marriages is one the spectrum, or if he has a personality disorder but I don’t know enough about HFA to be able to decide. My mother also had bi-polar disorder so I’m very familiar with it. I think you need to explore certain possibilities with the help of your GP.

Do you live with your family?
I actually think you should tell them as you obviously need support.

You need to go back to the gp and ask for help.

If you get out in jail then who is going to look after your child.

It is a good thing you were caught because it’s given you a shock.

You cannot go into a shop for a while until you’ve sorted yourself out and so you’ll need to just do online shopping from now which will take away the temptation.

It is highly likely that if you have autism you also have something else, so you could be right.

OP my DH is an alcoholic and attends CGL (Change Grow Live) meetings most days.

They deal with ALL forms of addiction. It's free and you don't need any kind if referral. Look up your local groups and just go along.

DH says they have people with every type of addiction and there is absolutely no shaming. You'll get help and support from the advisors and peer group.

I got banned from Debenhams for shop lifting as a student.
That particular Debenhams (and every other one I've been in) never stopped me when I went in after a while.

However I was on foot, or a passenger in a multi story parked car that was part of the shipping centre complex.

If definitely steer clear of that Sainsbury's s and depending on what information they share with neighbouring Sainsbury's branches ... Other local-ish ones.

As others have said, can you just order your son's clothes online?
Or maybe someone sympathetic could get them for you.

You say you'd risked prison but I do t think you'd get a custodial sentence for low amounts. I suppose it would also have to be going on for a long time, repeatedly (no expert in this area).

You need to get help through whatever routes possible; counselling maybe? CBT or edmr?

Yes, I am pretty sure I’m menopausal. I’m 46, this compulsion has been going on for a while.
I am in AA which I credit for keeping me sober - I cannot drink.

Ive been so stupid- I could have lost my liberty, my child, my job.

I seek to have cycled through every stupid coping strategy- cutting, drinking, stealing - all to try and get some relief from my feelings. This was a really stupid thing to do.

Im otherwise a pillar of the community -I volunteer, I help everyone with their problems- it’s only in AA meetings I can talk about mine.

Are you under the care of a community mental health team? If so, contact them tomorrow. If not, Google your local NHS counselling service and call them instead.

I think I have autism too - there are a lot of people I do not feel comfortable around. I force myself to behave as an extravert to make other people feel comfortable.
I find people scary, but I force myself to overcome it .
i definitely won’t get an autism diagnosis on the NHS - my child masks so I had to pursue a private diagnosis for them , but they still aren’t getting any support from their school.

Ive been so stupid- I could have lost my liberty, my child, my job.

You're not going to be imprisoned for shoplifting a couple of times, nor be in danger of losing your child (FFS look at what parents do without losing their kids), and I have no idea what your employer would do, but most people are not that extreme about shop lifting.

However ...... If you keep in doing it, things will get worse and worse for you.

What about some other compulsion that could be healthy? Gym workouts .... I know people addicted to that, the endorphins.
Charity shop browsing & finds?

Please don't be hard on yourself. This is a good time to seek support and treatment.

OP, it’s very common for people to overcome one addiction but to then replace it with bother. Could this be happening to you? It’s like when people lose a massive amount of weight then become alcoholics because they had to swap their food addiction for another one.

But apart from all of that you are obviously in need of psychiatric care. You also deserve it because life is giving you one hell of a battering and you’ll only get better when the workings of your mind are figured out and you receive help.

I used to be addicted to the gym - before I became a parent I was there every night - since my teens it was now I dealt with stress. I had a really stressful teenager years with a lot of academic pressure on me and the
gym was where I dealt with that stress.
I think I’m going to have to channel my current despair into the gym because the other things I do to cope are unhealthy and upset my family.

all to try and get some relief from my feelings.

Sorry I hadn't read this when I suggested alternative "healthy" compulsions; it sounds like you need counselling.

I also saw a documentary about meditation and mindfulness for dealing with trauma/stress etc and people seemed to have good results.

Yes - I have a sugar addiction and type 2 diabetes but have recently had to stop sugar because of the effect on my diabetes - so the shop lifting has started

Oh ok, that sounds like a possibility then.

I know people who enjoy the classes too, and they have a potentially more social aspect to them too.

i just wanted to let you know I’d read your post.

It’s terrible your child isn’t getting help at school and I’m wondering if the help line of the NAS could help you with knowing what to do next for her. And years ago there was an organization called IPSEA that helped parents with issues around schooling and if it still exists I’d give them a call.

Ableist comment.

Please don’t try and white knuckle this - you’re dealing with bigger issues than one person can reasonably manage alone.

We’ve been socialised to understand neurological diversity as moral issues and character flaws. Reaching out for support takes a lot of courage (and we’ll done for reaching out on this thread - as you can see there are many of us here who do understand) but it’s absolutely essential to shine daylight on these things.

In the last 20 years there has been a lot more awareness and understanding of how women present with autism and adhd, and some people diagnosed with bipolar in the past have been reassessed. Comorbidities are also very common but the health services prefer not to dig any deeper once they have a label.
I recommend this quiz as a good way to catch issues that might not be covered under your primary diagnosis, and to give you effective phrases to use with a GP.

There’s also a significant interplay of hormones, and many women find themselves struggling more during puberty, pregnancy, post partum, breastfeeding, immediately after breast feeding and in peri menopause. Are you on hrt? It’s worth looking into.

You need help, support and competent drug titration, not judgement and shame. Hang in there lovely.

Good point!!!

Please don't be so hard on yourself.

You know what you did was wrong, you understand why you did it. You can and should get help.

Far more shameful things in life than pinching some items from a supermarket. It's no big deal in the grand scheme of things either! I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad lately. Avoid that store and consider speaking to your GP

Do you have an AA sponsor?
All these other issues threaten to undermine your sobriety.

You need to tell others in 12 step programmes, people IRL, not just us. To find support you need to own up to some real people who will hold you accountable for what you say you'll do to try to get better.

If they don’t have your home address, a ban can not be enforced for longer than 2 years.
well this is at the major supermarket l work for.
What info does the store hold on you? 🙂

I would suggest that you order online for a while. It will stop you from getting into a bad habit. Speak to a doctor too.