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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my behaviour in A&E?

762 replies

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/04/2023 15:26

So this morning my DD (9) out of nowhere had an anaphylactic shock. I have no idea what from, she has no allergies. But suddenly she was struggling to breathe and came out in hives in about 2 minutes. So I threw her and DS into the car and drove the 2 minutes to the hospital. DH is abroad for work so I am on my own! I parked in a disabled bay because they’re closest to the hospital and this was an emergency.

Went into A&E, there were 2 desks and one of them had a family there - a teenage girl (the patient from what I overheard) and her mum and dad. I went to the other desk and the doctors came out straight away to get DD. I could hear the dad of the other family moaning about the 2 hour waiting time. DD was struggling to breath inbetween cries of pain because of the hives.

Anyway they gave DD medication straight away and she was very quickly stabilised. However they initially wanted to observe her for a few hours - and are now observing her overnight just in case and will be running tests tomorrow to find out what on Earth she’s reacted to as she did/consumed nothing new this morning, or if it’s possibly immune system related. As you can imagine I was absolutely shitting myself whilst also trying to be a calming force for her, and her brother who was upset at his big sister being so unwell.

Anyway once she was stabilised and under observation, they said she needed spare clothes as they’d removed hers in case it was her clothing 🤷‍♀️ I just happened to have some in the car and thought I really needed to go and re park it anyway

anyway this was maybe an hour after turning up and the family I saw on my way in were still waiting. You have to leave A&E via the reception. The teenage girl patient was flicking through her phone and in no obvious distress. The dad looked at me and loudly said “For fucks sake we were before her and she’s leaving before we’re even seen”.

I just saw red and told him to get fucked I thought my daughter was dying before carrying on to the car to shouts of “you can’t speak to me like that”. He was watching me as I moved the car too as the A&E looks out directly into the car park so saw I’d parked in disabled without a blue badge.

Anyway he complained about me and the doctor told me off about using foul language in A&E and parking in disabled bays without a blue badge Blush I said I’m sorry if it’s made their job more difficult but I’m not sorry for what I said. And that the non-disabled spaces are ages away and to me it was an emergency which is why I parked there. But this bloke was kicking off in reception at this point and taking time up so they obviously weren’t thrilled with me.

But IABU to have behaved the way I did?

DD is fine now BTW and happily watching TV in the children’s ward with my mum next to her, I’m in the canteen going silently between abject worry and total mortification!

OP posts:
JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 24/04/2023 23:25

shadowchancesassy · 24/04/2023 23:21

@Harmonypus you've got to be trolling surely? I can't take you serious.

They must be. Along with several others, desperately seeking attention that I stupidly give them.

timetogoawa · 24/04/2023 23:29

I had a similar situation - I told the complainers my daughters been hit by a car and I'm moving mine now.
(And called them halfwit morons under my breath).
Screw them!
You also had a shock- you were concentrating on your daughter and it was life or death.
OK, swearings not great but given the pressure you were under, totally understandable.
And anyone who wants to argue with me can get knotted - wait till, heaven forbid, you're in a similar situation. You won't be fussy about parking then and if you are, shame on u for not considering saving a life an emergency.

ArchibaldsDaddy · 24/04/2023 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NellePorter · 24/04/2023 23:40

Astounded at some of the replies on this thread, even for Mumsnet. Don't give the parking or the swearing a second thought, OP xx

shadowchancesassy · 24/04/2023 23:42

@ArchibaldsDaddy the P word is a racist slur. Disgusting behaviour 🤮

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 25/04/2023 00:14

You werent unreasonable. He was and should expect the response you
gave following his ignorant comment. You were in a stressful situation and were judged. I would have most likely said the same. He deserved to be sworn at. Sometimes people need telling in no uncertain terms to ‘get fucked.’ Well done OP for sticking up for yourself. Some men get a kick out of trying to belittle a woman in these type of situations. Bet he wouldn’t have said the same about a 6ft 5 man in his gym gear!

justlurkinghere · 25/04/2023 00:49

JenWillsiam · 24/04/2023 18:12

I’m the parent of an immuno compromised child who is frequently sent to A&E. If they genuinely couldn’t breathe I would ring an ambulance.

most hospitals have short stay and drop off that are close to A&E. disabled bays rarely are.

Show quote history

As the parent of an immune compromised child who has been in the position of a child struggling to breathe, it took 12 minutes for the ambulance to be at my door. If my child totally wasn't breathing, I'd call an ambulance because I'd be busy with CPR. No time to spare there. If they were holding their own but in danger, I'd throw them in the car and take them to the medical centre down the road in 5 minutes. Much faster. I would park wherever I had to and move my car once my child was being tended to by medical staff.

Sometimes I wonder if people know what anaphylaxis is and how short a time people can go without breathing.

Pinkychilla · 25/04/2023 01:48

You did nothing wrong you were in an emergency situation and did the best for your daughter and I'm really glad you told that guy off sounds like he needed it! Why should he be allowed to speak to you/judge you like that and you just take it! He deserved it! Hope your daughter starts feeling better soon and you recover from the shock of it all too must have been very frightening for you all

Blueink · 25/04/2023 02:20

YANBU to park where u did to save your DD life

YABU to react that way to the dad who wasn’t addressing you directly and it escalated the situation for everyone, but think you already know that.

mustgetoffmn · 25/04/2023 02:57

Mangogogogo · 23/04/2023 15:30

Sometimes these people just need to be told to get fucked. they can just go round abusing people and not be called out on it. Good on you

I agree. A hospital is a place full of stressed and anxious people, the guy was wrong to have a go given this. He didn’t know your circumstances and should have held his tongue. Mind you we don’t know what he was going through either but he apparently had enough space in his head to go complain and unnecessarily try to shop you about the disabled bay.

ReformedWaywardTeen · 25/04/2023 05:28

Sorry but the doctor is out of order. What right does he have to tell you off like some headmaster?
He clearly saw the severity of your DDs situation to grab her and take her through. Surely he should also recognise that time was of the essence hence parking as near as possible - especially when ambulances are like gold dust which usually would have been your first choice in an emergency.

He should have instead told the other male off. He wouldn't have shouted like that I bet if you were male. He was the one in the wrong. Probably a family who NHS staff term "daytrippers" or "frequent flyers" considering you said it looked like all the family were there for one kid.

I would ask for an apology. You've basically been ganged up on by males and I would be incredibly angry, not embarrassed.

OhNoItsThePinkyPonk · 25/04/2023 06:10

I would ask for an apology. You've basically been ganged up on by males and I would be incredibly angry, not embarrassed.

WTAF?
Check the OP. Women represent nearly half the medical workforce and substantially more of those in training. Assuming the doctor is male is a bit like assuming the nurses would be female. Regardless of whether the doctor actually was male you need to check your head.

nomoredriving · 25/04/2023 06:41

I really don't understand all this stress about parking in the disabled bay, because quite honestly if I thought my child was dying, I would stop the traffic on the M1 if it got them treatment quicker.

It was an emergency situation and that means rules change, because not sure if I could live with myself to follow the rules and then my child lost their life.

And yes, the child recovered but it doesn't matter, because at that time OP seriously thought it was life or death.

Skodacool · 25/04/2023 06:54

OP should put in a complaint about the man swearing at her

superplumb · 25/04/2023 07:57

Yeahbid have said the same. It was stressful for you amd sometimes the stress comes out afterwards. He deserved to be told the twat. Prob wouldn't have parked in disabled space though.

x2boys · 25/04/2023 08:29

Skodacool · 25/04/2023 06:54

OP should put in a complaint about the man swearing at her

Well.first of all.he wasn't swearing directly at he he was was complaining loudly to his family and secondly,what do you imagine might be achieved by the complaint?
the Up has no.idea who the man is,it's an unfortunate incident ,tempers can be frayed in stress ful.situations

ArmatureDramatics · 25/04/2023 08:39

hotdiggetydog · 24/04/2023 23:14

One of the few posts on AIBU where OP is not BU

Only she is...

Everanewbie · 25/04/2023 08:42

OP, if I were in your shoes I'd have done exactly as you did. 100%. If you were calmer, your response to idiot man could have been more along the lines of "Well I'm sorry you've been waiting, my child stopped breathing and was 2 minutes from dying, I'd gladly swap places with you and wait a little longer" But get fucked said it well too.

And please don't listen to the jobsworths/trolls/idiots who tell you that YABU for your parking. You moved as soon as you realised your daughter was out of immediate danger. I think you did well parking the car within any recognised bay, if it were me in that situation, as I said upthread I'd have had the car through the doors and at receptions desk. When your child's life is literally in immediate danger, you don't piss about thinking about parking rules and whether someone else might need a space. What was OP supposed to do here?

Does the internal discussion go like this?

Well the plus side is that someone with a hypothetical disability might not have difficulty parking their hypothetical car at their hypothetical A&E visit, but the downside is that I might lose my daughter when there is a chance to save her if we break a few norms. Nope, I'm not risking it. Disabled bays are there for a reason, sorry darling, 15 minutes looking for a space, purse for card, app for paying parking and a 10 minute walk/carry to A&E it is then.

Everanewbie · 25/04/2023 08:44

Good on you OP and I'm glad your daughter is doing well. The only thing you've done wrong here is going on AIBU and giving the vipers a chance to have a go.

x2boys · 25/04/2023 08:46

Everanewbie · 25/04/2023 08:42

OP, if I were in your shoes I'd have done exactly as you did. 100%. If you were calmer, your response to idiot man could have been more along the lines of "Well I'm sorry you've been waiting, my child stopped breathing and was 2 minutes from dying, I'd gladly swap places with you and wait a little longer" But get fucked said it well too.

And please don't listen to the jobsworths/trolls/idiots who tell you that YABU for your parking. You moved as soon as you realised your daughter was out of immediate danger. I think you did well parking the car within any recognised bay, if it were me in that situation, as I said upthread I'd have had the car through the doors and at receptions desk. When your child's life is literally in immediate danger, you don't piss about thinking about parking rules and whether someone else might need a space. What was OP supposed to do here?

Does the internal discussion go like this?

Well the plus side is that someone with a hypothetical disability might not have difficulty parking their hypothetical car at their hypothetical A&E visit, but the downside is that I might lose my daughter when there is a chance to save her if we break a few norms. Nope, I'm not risking it. Disabled bays are there for a reason, sorry darling, 15 minutes looking for a space, purse for card, app for paying parking and a 10 minute walk/carry to A&E it is then.

Funnily enough when your child is in imminent danger of dying you don't have ti.time to.think of witty put,downs🤔
I certainly didn't when my son was critically ill.

hotdiggetydog · 25/04/2023 09:00

ArmatureDramatics · 25/04/2023 08:39

Only she is...

Show quote history

Congratulations for ignoring all the replies

Everanewbie · 25/04/2023 09:01

x2boys · 25/04/2023 08:46

Funnily enough when your child is in imminent danger of dying you don't have ti.time to.think of witty put,downs🤔
I certainly didn't when my son was critically ill.

Show quote history

Absolutely. Was having a proxy "wish i'd have said....." moment on OPs behalf. In reality, if I'd have just left my child seconds after being pulled back from the brink of death and been met with snide stupid comments whether to me directly or via his wife, he would have had an excellent reason for being in the waiting room himself, waiting to have something pointy removed from his rectal cavity.

Dedodee · 25/04/2023 09:09

I don't blame you for parking in a disabled bay bur please dont use foul language in A&E. I say this as someone who isn't normally bothered by it but once when dd was 9 I had to take her to A&E and a woman was swearing loudly and it really scared dd.
No need for it in a hospital.

Wimin123 · 25/04/2023 09:18

Would have done what you did 100%. Cannot believe the holier than thou apologists on here are actually living in the real world. Worried about parking and swearing in this situation is utterly pathetic…

justpushingthrough · 25/04/2023 09:29

This thread is batshit crazy!!

OP, you done exactly the right thing, people up in arms because you parked in a disabled space with your anaphylaxis child, you all sound unhinged.

And anyone that thinks A&E is a first come first served basis is thick, and would have also got a piece of my mind.

On mumsnet theres a common theme of people trawling through your related posts and dragging up everything you've ever said and using it against you.

Anyways be happy in the knowledge that you got your child to hospital safely.

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