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Original poster

Awkward OLD situation

127 replies

Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 15:23

So I matched with this guy online, I'm late 20's, he's 30.

we got on well and had a date planned for tomorrow night. On his profile he only has one picture, and it was taken from the side, think a candid shot. But he looked good.

anyway, so chatting today and he says he will send some more pics of himself so I can recognise him for our date. I feel awful to say it but I am not attracted to him at all. I can't tell wether he's used a fake picture on his profile, it could plausibly be him (same hair colour, same length stubbley beard) but I dunno, the face on photos don't look good and he also looks older. if I were to see these photos I would guess late 30's possibly 40

I feel really awkward now and tbh I don't really want to meet him anymore. That sounds really shallow but there's no physical attraction there at all, but it's going to be really obvious if I drop out now that it will be because of his looks.

not sure what to do / say really!

OP posts:
BCBird · 23/04/2023 20:45

Asking not adlington 🙈

YesNoMaybeAlways · 23/04/2023 20:50

So his profile said 30 and now when asked directly he’s saying he is actually 33?

That itself would be reason for me not to go. Lying is a really bad way to start a relationship.

Plus you can bet he’s actually 38 and just hoping he can chip away at you to convince you it’s no big deal. You knew he was older form his photos so I bet you are right and he’s nearer 40.

It’s such a fundamental thing to be truthful about something that is verifiable and important if the initial meeting goes further. It would really put me off.

Fuerza · 23/04/2023 20:52

Yeh, 33 still looks ikea "about 30" but you knew something wasn't right. Bet he"s 39 at the youngest.

rosiebl · 23/04/2023 20:55

Sounds like he's tried to get you hooked before being honest (age and appearance) but probably realises now a date is imminent, he needs to start to drip in some honesty. He probably goes this a lot. Now he's confirmed he's lied to you OP, just use this as your perfect 'out'. Chuck him back.

Actupfishy · 23/04/2023 21:02

He lied about his age.
massive red flag.
He has been manipulative and not shown his true self in dating profile…another red flag. Don’t go, the lying about age would give me the massive ick!

Greenfairydust · 23/04/2023 21:19

He sounds odd.

I would not interact in the first place with anyone that does not have clear pictures of themselves on their profile.

I would wonder what they have to hide (older than the age they mentioned on their profile; married so they post a blurry pic or somebody else's pic to avoid being recognised...).

You are not being shallow, there is no point in meeting someone you are simply not physically attracted to.

Ladybug14 · 23/04/2023 21:20

Hes only uploaded a 'reel in' photo

Hes lied about his age

However he HAS sent other photos before you meet.

I think I'd go on the date

See how you feel when you see him f2f. His personality might be cracking

But for me, one more lie and you wouldn't see me for dust

Greenfairydust · 23/04/2023 21:22

''@Escapefromhell

Go, but meet somewhere that you can scope him out before you actually meet. Then leave, block, delete if he isn’t what he told you he is.''

Grow up...

There is no need for her to waste someone's time like this.

She does not find his pics attractive so she cancels the date. Job done.

Cerealkillerontheloose · 23/04/2023 21:25

cancel the date and be honest as to why!!!

sweatervest · 23/04/2023 21:26

literally who was that band in the 80s that sang "please don't go". literally please don't.

better to lose someone than to lose yourself.
he swept me off my feet. then dropped me on my head.
many a muckle makes a muckle

and other helpful sayings. seriously i could harp on for pages about potential disasters but this is one man one time for you so swerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve and i hope you literally have the worst arm ache from patting yourself on the back at the fact that you didn't go and meet him.

Bhyr358 · 24/04/2023 00:32

I just don't know why you would want to go on a date with this man. You don't fancy him and he lies. Not really dating material is he?

ProbablyNotMad · 24/04/2023 13:02

He is definitely older than 33. Why would you bother to lie about just 3 years?

Don't bother with this one.

ELCismyspiritnana · 24/04/2023 15:39

This happened to me twice while online dating. I was embarrassed and very upset. I asked numerous people for brutally honest feedback re my photos and appearance in real life and was reassured I was definitely not misrepresenting myself. Plenty of dates who did show up actually commented that I was better than my photos (I'm not photogenic at all) so I am still none the wiser.

Please don't do that to him OP. Its absolutely fine not to go - I've backed out and been honest when up to date and very different photos were sent and copped a bit of flack for it.

ELCismyspiritnana · 24/04/2023 15:48

ELCismyspiritnana · 24/04/2023 15:39

This happened to me twice while online dating. I was embarrassed and very upset. I asked numerous people for brutally honest feedback re my photos and appearance in real life and was reassured I was definitely not misrepresenting myself. Plenty of dates who did show up actually commented that I was better than my photos (I'm not photogenic at all) so I am still none the wiser.

Please don't do that to him OP. Its absolutely fine not to go - I've backed out and been honest when up to date and very different photos were sent and copped a bit of flack for it.

This was meant to quote PP who said to turn up and then leave and block if he's not what you thought. Not sure why it didn't copy.

Conkersinautumn · 24/04/2023 15:53

He's lied because he's looking for younger women only (20s more likely to put a cut off as 30 rather than whatever 40 he really is ;-) ). The lack of honesty also underlines he's not looking for a relationship anyway. So if you don't look at him and fancy him then neither of you are going to get what you want anyway. He's wasting your and his time

STARCATCHER22 · 24/04/2023 16:05

ProbablyNotMad · 24/04/2023 13:02

He is definitely older than 33. Why would you bother to lie about just 3 years?

Don't bother with this one.

This. There’s absolutely no reason for a 33 year old man to lie and say he’s 30. That’s a tiny difference and unlikely to change the women who match with him (unless he’s looking for very young women).
He’s clearly more like 40 (you’ve even said he looks closer to 40) and knows that women in their early 20s wouldn’t be interested.
I wouldn’t go on the date and be clear that it’s because he’s already lied (that doesn’t happen by accident).

Freefall212 · 24/04/2023 16:40

Do a coffee meet and greet, people can look very differnet in person and judging based on a picture is - yes, the premise of OLD, but also very ruthless.

People can look many ways at each age. If you took 100 30 year olds and 100 40 year olds and had people guess their age from a picture - many would be off by years. It is hard to tell from a two dimensional picture.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 24/04/2023 17:28

I met my first ever boyfriend at 18 on a facebook app that was basically a early days dating app.
He had only one photo on his entire account, and he looked alright in it. We got chatting, and it wasn't until weeks later he admitted his pic was a few years old and sent a current one. (both just face pics) When i got the up to date one, i was mortified as i was not remotely attracted to him at all. This was in 2008 so camera quality advancements over those few years between pics was huge. Looked like a completely different person, the bad pixel quality in the first pic had been majorly flattering to him, alongside the fact first pic was taken in low lighting and by someone else significantly shorter than him, at a good angle. His face shape and features looked completely different, and he looked several stone heavier in original pic, compared to being anorexic and gaunt with really bad skin in present day pic. I didn't want to be the "bitch" that rejected a guy on looks, especially as a fat girl myself, so gave him a chance. It was the worst decision of my life.

It was intentional catfishing to get his foot in the door because he knew he was conventionally seriously unattractive, and he purposely waited til i'd invested significant time and the starting of feelings to show what he really looked like, banking on me feeling too awkward or guilty to then backtrack and turn him down. It set the tone that he could lie and manipulate me, and get away with it. He acted like a nice guy for a few months as friends, then a couple more as my boyfriend til he had me reeled in, got his hooks firmly imbedded, then flipped overnight into a lying, coercively controlling manipulator who emotionally, financially and sexually abused me for 3 years til i finally got out.

I've been left with PTSD, and while i know that ofcourse not all people who use an old/intentionally misleading/edited initial photo are like my ex, use of a photo that isnt representative of what they really look like is a major red flag to me now.

Bhyr358 · 24/04/2023 19:52

Freefall212 · 24/04/2023 16:40

Do a coffee meet and greet, people can look very differnet in person and judging based on a picture is - yes, the premise of OLD, but also very ruthless.

People can look many ways at each age. If you took 100 30 year olds and 100 40 year olds and had people guess their age from a picture - many would be off by years. It is hard to tell from a two dimensional picture.

He lied about his age.

WhatToDo2023 · 24/04/2023 20:17

Don't go, block and move on. You need to be very brutal with OLD and trust your instincts. He's telling random lies and being untruthful with his photos. That's odd at best. Don't waste more time on him, you could be using this time to meet a nicer guy!

Original poster
Iiywhsvbsjcn · 25/04/2023 20:23

In case anyone is interested, I cancelled.

I know some people said to be brutally honest about why, but I just felt to awkward doing that. So I kinda just went with not really feeling it anymore etc.

but yeah, the whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth, so even if he was lovely and attractive in person it's already a negative for me so seemed a bit pointless to go

OP posts:
mainsfed · 25/04/2023 20:26

,Good! Don’t waste your time, money and energy on liars.

Stormydanielss · 25/04/2023 22:31

Good for you, follow your gut feelings and put yourself first ❤️👌🏻

Bhyr358 · 25/04/2023 22:39

You did the right thing OP. He's a liar and a time waster. You deserve better.

JudgeRudy · 25/04/2023 23:35

ToBeOrNotToBee · 23/04/2023 15:25

He knows! Hence why he only has one photo.

Cancel the date and if he asks say you were weirded out a bit by his lack of honesty re his appearance.

Spot on of course he knows. I'd feel the same and I'd tell him. I'd have more issues with him being devious than not attractive