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Original poster

Awkward OLD situation

127 replies

Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 15:23

So I matched with this guy online, I'm late 20's, he's 30.

we got on well and had a date planned for tomorrow night. On his profile he only has one picture, and it was taken from the side, think a candid shot. But he looked good.

anyway, so chatting today and he says he will send some more pics of himself so I can recognise him for our date. I feel awful to say it but I am not attracted to him at all. I can't tell wether he's used a fake picture on his profile, it could plausibly be him (same hair colour, same length stubbley beard) but I dunno, the face on photos don't look good and he also looks older. if I were to see these photos I would guess late 30's possibly 40

I feel really awkward now and tbh I don't really want to meet him anymore. That sounds really shallow but there's no physical attraction there at all, but it's going to be really obvious if I drop out now that it will be because of his looks.

not sure what to do / say really!

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 17:46

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 17:39

I wonder what the responses would be if a woman had posted that a man cancelled a date because of her looks.

Shallow prick I expect.

Not at all.

If you're going to be deliberately manipulative by only posting photos that look nothing like you, then you have to expect people to change their minds.

These people don't know each other - she owes him nothing, and he wouldn't owe her anything if it was the opposite way around either.

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 17:47

Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 17:43

@KimberleyClark of course, go ahead and name call 🙄 there's always one

All I am saying is that you can’t tell chemistry from a photo. Someone might look hot in a photo and give you the ick when you meet and vice versa.

LadyKenya · 23/04/2023 17:47

Go, or don't go, your call. But it is worth remembering some people are very photogenic, and may not look so attractive in rl, and vice versa.

Faz469 · 23/04/2023 17:48

I wasn't physically attracted to my partner when we first met. But he seemed like a good guy so I still went on our first date. He literally laughed me into bed 6 weeks down the line.

Now he's the sweetest guy I've ever been with. I fancy the pants off him and 2 years down the line we are engaged and expecting our first child.

It's about whats important to you. If you can't get passed his looks there's no point in stringing him along.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 17:48

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 17:47

All I am saying is that you can’t tell chemistry from a photo. Someone might look hot in a photo and give you the ick when you meet and vice versa.

Show quote history

It doesn't matter.

OP doesn't know this man - she's entirely within her rights to cancel for any reason she wants.

msisfine · 23/04/2023 17:57

I know it's not ethical, but I would make up an excuse and cancel then not contact him again. Life's too short to go on dates with people you don't fancy.

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 18:01

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 17:48

It doesn't matter.

OP doesn't know this man - she's entirely within her rights to cancel for any reason she wants.

Show quote history

Yeah but she needs to own it and just admit it coz he probably looks nothing like his photo she liked. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're interested in finding someone you find attractive.

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 18:01

msisfine · 23/04/2023 17:57

I know it's not ethical, but I would make up an excuse and cancel then not contact him again. Life's too short to go on dates with people you don't fancy.

I'd argue that's the most ethical thing to do! No one wants a pity date

pinkpirlie · 23/04/2023 18:03

If I had seen my DP online I'm not sure I would have swiped yes based on his photos (luckily met through work). He is the nicest, kindest most wonderful DP I could ever ask for. But he does really weird poses for photos. I've managed to train him out of doing over the years, but if left to his own devices he still does weird looks.

If you got on with his personality in the time you've been chatting, then I would give him one shot. You haven't got a lot of lose other than a bit of time, and you can see if he is more attractive to you in real life or his personality makes him stand out more.

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 18:04

It would be the lies about his age that would annoy me the most. I couldn't get past that.

sandyhappypeople · 23/04/2023 18:16

I had this happen to me once, the guy looked so different to his (strategic) photos that I almost didn't recognise him! He was a good laugh though and we had a good date, but he was quite up himself and that's not a quality I find attractive so it never went any further.

I imagine a lot of men do this because they know if their looks aren't 100% then they know some women won't give them the time of day, when really there's more to attraction then just how someone looks. I can't blame them in a way, the online dating world is so superficial, because its too easy to dismiss someone for something trivial, thinking the perfect person is going to come along.

If you've been talking to him and you think he's date worthy, I'd give him a chance, he might surprise you. But if you think he's lied about his age then ask him outright, and decide accordingly. Outright lying on a profile is where I'd draw the line personally.

Lasouthpaw · 23/04/2023 18:19

I met my husband through online dating. He made contact with me but I didn't fancy him from his photos. I went on the date because he seemed nice and I thought he would be a gentle introduction to online dating.

He was nothing like his photos, way better looking and absolutely my type! I was shocked when I saw him.

I'd give it a go, it's one date, you don't have to see him again if no attraction.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 18:22

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 18:01

Yeah but she needs to own it and just admit it coz he probably looks nothing like his photo she liked. There's nothing wrong with admitting you're interested in finding someone you find attractive.

Show quote history

I don't think she needs to own anything - especially as he's the one being deliberately misleading by using photos that look nothing like him!

ringyloopy · 23/04/2023 18:22

Personally I'd still go because sometimes the in-person chemistry surprises you. But instead of a formal date (which comes with all kinds of weird pressures) you could say that you've been thinking and would prefer to just have a coffee the first time. That way it's quick and over before too long.

BevMarsh · 23/04/2023 18:29

Don't waste his time.
The first picture was posted to try and get his foot in the door so to speak as otherwise he will know he didn't stand a chance. After chatting he has hoped he had made a good impression and felt comfortable to send more representative photos before your date.

Is it only me that feels sad for him?

YesNoMaybeAlways · 23/04/2023 18:29

Why don’t you say you have lost your nerve a bit and suggest you FaceTime for a chat?

Escapefromhell · 23/04/2023 18:32

Go, but meet somewhere that you can scope him out before you actually meet. Then leave, block, delete if he isn’t what he told you he is.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 23/04/2023 18:36

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 17:39

I wonder what the responses would be if a woman had posted that a man cancelled a date because of her looks.

Shallow prick I expect.

I would cancel the date, not because of how he looks, but because the only thing I know of him so far is that he's willing to manipulate me to get what he wants.

vivainsomnia · 23/04/2023 18:36

This is the word for word post I could have written 15 years ago. I went because I felt bad cancelling. Then I saw him as he was waiting for me and he looked nothing like his picture. Yes he looked older but not in a bad way.

I knew that evening he would be my husband to be. He was 4 years later, married now 10 years. Thank God I went on the date!

Damnloginpopup · 23/04/2023 18:37

Fucks sake. It's a night out. It might be great, it might be dull. What else are you going to do?

Spiderboy · 23/04/2023 18:39

Maybe online dating isn’t for you? Everyone puts their best photos on don’t they? It isn’t always exactly how they truly look.

cancel if you don’t like him

Bhyr358 · 23/04/2023 18:41

BevMarsh · 23/04/2023 18:29

Don't waste his time.
The first picture was posted to try and get his foot in the door so to speak as otherwise he will know he didn't stand a chance. After chatting he has hoped he had made a good impression and felt comfortable to send more representative photos before your date.

Is it only me that feels sad for him?

And if he's much older, as OP suspects, you still feel sad for him? A man who sets out to deceive?

Xarrie · 23/04/2023 18:49

I would ask him who the person in his profile photo is?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 18:53

BevMarsh · 23/04/2023 18:29

Don't waste his time.
The first picture was posted to try and get his foot in the door so to speak as otherwise he will know he didn't stand a chance. After chatting he has hoped he had made a good impression and felt comfortable to send more representative photos before your date.

Is it only me that feels sad for him?

Why on earth do you feel sad for him?

He was cheeky at best, deliberately manipulative at worst.

KittyAlfred · 23/04/2023 18:55

MN double standards again!

If a man puts one flattering photo on his profile then he’s deceitful and the date should be cancelled.

If a woman posts that she’s nervous about a date as the profile photos she used were 10 years old when she weighed 5 stone less than she currently does, she’s told not to worry, and that if the date doesn’t fancy her then he’s a shallow twat!