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Original poster

Awkward OLD situation

127 replies

Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 15:23

So I matched with this guy online, I'm late 20's, he's 30.

we got on well and had a date planned for tomorrow night. On his profile he only has one picture, and it was taken from the side, think a candid shot. But he looked good.

anyway, so chatting today and he says he will send some more pics of himself so I can recognise him for our date. I feel awful to say it but I am not attracted to him at all. I can't tell wether he's used a fake picture on his profile, it could plausibly be him (same hair colour, same length stubbley beard) but I dunno, the face on photos don't look good and he also looks older. if I were to see these photos I would guess late 30's possibly 40

I feel really awkward now and tbh I don't really want to meet him anymore. That sounds really shallow but there's no physical attraction there at all, but it's going to be really obvious if I drop out now that it will be because of his looks.

not sure what to do / say really!

OP posts:
Ilovechinese · 23/04/2023 16:08

Cancel it, I bet if it was the 9ther way aro7nd he would cancel it

Ilovechinese · 23/04/2023 16:09

Also he must know he looks nothing like his profile pic that's why he had ti send you new pics so you would recognise him!

PollyAmour · 23/04/2023 16:11

Cancel, you owe him nothing. You don't have to say it's because he looks older and uglier, just say you've changed your mind.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 23/04/2023 16:11

As someone who photographs spectacularly badly (so badly that I've had people tell me I look so much better in real life) I'd say go along and have the one date. You never need to see him again after that, but he may just be a person like me.

Stratocumulus · 23/04/2023 16:12

Cancel!
Life’s too short to waste on getting ready for a half hope. It’s hard enough to meet someone and if going by the new pics you would not have bothered, nothing’s changed. Cancel.

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 16:12

it's going to be really obvious if I drop out now that it will be because of his looks. and? It is because of his looks so own it.

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 16:14

Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 15:46

I don't know if he's lied is the thing. If I saw the new pics with no other knowledge I would say he was older than 30. But he doesn't look 50/60 iyswim so he could be 30 and just not look good for his age 😬
I feel like the pics could be him and the one on his dating profile was very flattering, or it could be a different person.

god I sound like a bitch

You don't but if you're not interested don't waste both your time

highfidelity · 23/04/2023 16:21

If you no longer want to go and meet him, don't go.

Buildingthefuture · 23/04/2023 16:22

I honestly don’t think you can tell from a picture. And, sometimes these things are a bit of a slow burn. The first time I met my now DH I did not find him attractive. In any way. At all. In fact, I thought he was an arrogant knob. And he was wearing a really horrid brown suit!!! But, I got to know him and almost 20 years on, he still does it for me (I did bin most of his wardrobe early on though 🤣🤣🤣) Go and see what he’s like IRL.

2bazookas · 23/04/2023 16:24

You could message "?? Your new pics look much older than 30. Please explain? "

and go from there.

Plenty of people who look terrible in photos. are really attractive in person in all the ways that matter.

MsRosley · 23/04/2023 16:29

ToBeOrNotToBee · 23/04/2023 15:25

He knows! Hence why he only has one photo.

Cancel the date and if he asks say you were weirded out a bit by his lack of honesty re his appearance.

Yup

Slothmomma · 23/04/2023 16:41

If you don't want to go - don't. Agree with others that he knew he was putting best foot forward with his one good pic which he's of course entitled to but you too are entitled to back out at any point when given all the info.

If you want to spare his feelings then you could say you've got a stronger connection with someone else and are going to back out of the chat with him to see where that goes as don't like multi dating. And in future don't risk the one pic- it's a give away that they don't have any more decent ones.

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 16:43

2bazookas · 23/04/2023 16:24

You could message "?? Your new pics look much older than 30. Please explain? "

and go from there.

Plenty of people who look terrible in photos. are really attractive in person in all the ways that matter.

That's incredibly rude

Crimeismymiddlename · 23/04/2023 17:08

Don’t go, he has been manipulative in sending the new pics-he knows you will feel like you have to meet him because of socialisation, and if you don’t he will call you shallow.
We have all been caught out like this, one photo, strange angles, hats, decade old pictures, and no full length pictures.
I now inspect all pictures for signs they are lying. I know women do this too, but I am assuming men also hate this behaviour. It’s really embarrassing for the poster. I know because about fifteen years ago I did not post any full body photos and used the ones that made my face look thin and the shame of having to admit I am fat bastard before meeting a date still stings.

PappedOot · 23/04/2023 17:17

I wouldn’t go as it’s really cheeky to have sent you the other pics like that, why not have them on the profile? He seems deceitful already.

Littlebluebellwoods · 23/04/2023 17:20

He knows. That’s why he sends the pics so you can recognise him. He knows he doesn’t look like the photo on his profile , if he did look like it there would be no need for more photos for you to recognise him.

you don’t owe him anything but I am with you, it’s very awkward.

Justleaveitblankthen · 23/04/2023 17:21

Slothmomma · 23/04/2023 16:41

If you don't want to go - don't. Agree with others that he knew he was putting best foot forward with his one good pic which he's of course entitled to but you too are entitled to back out at any point when given all the info.

If you want to spare his feelings then you could say you've got a stronger connection with someone else and are going to back out of the chat with him to see where that goes as don't like multi dating. And in future don't risk the one pic- it's a give away that they don't have any more decent ones.

I think this is really good advice - if you want to spare his feelings.

As others have said though, he didn't want to witness your face drop and then go through an awkward 'date' (guessing this has happened to him already, or at least he has been told by other Women, Thanks, but no thanks") 😂

OrigamiOwls · 23/04/2023 17:35

Do you reckon the original one is him, but more than a few years ago?

I'd bring up the discrepancy in the photos up now, rather then later in person.

If he's been intentionally deceiving you then you don't owe him a date, he's been dishonest from the start.

sladys · 23/04/2023 17:37

ToBeOrNotToBee · 23/04/2023 15:25

He knows! Hence why he only has one photo.

Cancel the date and if he asks say you were weirded out a bit by his lack of honesty re his appearance.

He 100% knows. Otherwise he wouldn't feel the need to send extra pics on order for you to recognise him

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 23/04/2023 17:39

He's a total stranger - you owe him nothing.

Just cancel.

KimberleyClark · 23/04/2023 17:39

I wonder what the responses would be if a woman had posted that a man cancelled a date because of her looks.

Shallow prick I expect.

Popcorn121 · 23/04/2023 17:41

Cancel, you don’t have to explain. ‘I’m not feeling it anymore’ seems to be the catch all phrase these days.

He is deceiving people, he has probably lied about other things too.

Original poster
Iiywhsvbsjcn · 23/04/2023 17:43

@KimberleyClark of course, go ahead and name call 🙄 there's always one

OP posts:
Bhyr358 · 23/04/2023 17:43

moonspiral · 23/04/2023 16:43

That's incredibly rude

Show quote history

And he's incredibly deceitful if the first picture he sent is 10 years old.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 23/04/2023 17:44

KrisAkabusi · 23/04/2023 16:02

Guy puts up best possible photo of himself - he's lying, deceitful, you're furious etc.

How many women do you think put up photos of themselves with full makeup, filters, etc? Isn't that exactly the same thing?

Show quote history

This. I feel sorry for some men when they finally see them with their make up off