100k+ salary, is it worth it?

[Goingtogetslated]

For the record…Not trying to be insensitive…

partner and I both earn approx 150k each. Working long and unpredictable hours with high levels of stress and responsibility.

Yet here we are living in a 3 bed terrace in the east end of london, a basic car, neither of us into high end expenses/dining out/clothes. We used to holiday a lot pre children, I guess would classify as our major expenditure in the past.

But is it actually worth it? A decent 4/5 bed house (with kerb appeal I admit) in the commuter belt seems to be coming in at 1.5 million minimum. Add the commuting costs/ extended nursery hours, paid help required theres barely anything left - relatively speaking.

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the countryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

We appear to be stuck in this middle ground where we earn too much to have any allowances from the state, contribute a lot to the government yet not enough for any real benefits in lifestyle

I do understand your frustrations, but I think you need to be a bit more realistic.
I am in top 1% and have made significant sacrifices including renovating two house alongside full time jobs as well as putting off having children to establish my self (almost leaving it too late).
we live 80 miles outside London and still only have a nice but 3 bedroom house but have chosen to reduce debt and increase savings towards retirement. Trust me big houses =even bigger bills. This means we can live comfortably, go on holiday and have 1 child in private school (again made choice to stick with one for money) and we have the comfort to know that with increasing inflation we will not struggle.
However when I think of my parents lifestyle (tradesman and sahm) when they were my age we don’t even compare (large house, nice cars, multiple holidays) so I do sometimes think is it worth all the sacrifice.
Decide what is most important and take it from there.

I agree. Both should be for everyone.

You can buy a 3 bedroom family home where I live for £300k and there's a rail service that gets you to London in 90 minutes.

Everyone can get 15 hours free child care from 3

I agree too. The childcare thing is particularly batshit because people who are using can end up worse off with a pay rise, so of course some of them act accordingly. I also worry about the population buying into beneficial provisions like this less if they're means tested.

A lot of MN wouldn't understand that as they are overcome with jealousy and probably low aspirations that this situation is beyond their understanding.

Yep, absolutely. I am jealous. I’m really jealous, I WISH this was my issue.

People are not being rude to the OP because she’s on lots of money or a woman, it’s the way she has come across asking about government help and the expectations of a big house and fancy holidays etc when she already has a much bigger house and nicer lifestyle than most people expect. And I work long hours and really hard but you’re right, this situation is way beyond my understanding.

I get you OP. Until recently we were on two similar salaries and had a nice enough lifestyle but it still felt like a slog. When I was on a lower salary I imagined that the lifestyle I would have at that level would have been much better than it actually was when I got there! That's partly why you are getting slated - someone on 50k imagines what 150k feels like but it can be different when you are actually there.

We had a detached but unspectacular house in zone 6. We needed a nanny to give us childcare flexibility so a fair chunk went on that. We had one car, a few years old, etc. We are both lawyers. Back in the day, the local solicitor would have one of the nicest houses in the town, a non-working wife and a generally pleasant lifestyle. But life has moved on and now even two senior lawyer salaries only get an above average but still fairly modest lifestyle in London.

Doctors etc DO need to live near their work.

When you put it like that, I can see where you’re coming from, because we earn £50,000 ish between us and are pretty much in the same position of £1500 per month (family help out with childcare, no mortgage or commuting costs because house comes with the job and I live on site, without being too outing). Although we’re stressing about never getting on the property ladder. We feel grateful with our life though and I would say work medium hard.

But the OP doesn’t have “problems”. Together with her husband, she earns 300K . That’s a lot.

Oh are you for real? And now you're criticising the people who are criticising you?? You can't seriously be upset you've got no government help when you have a family income of £300k??

A decent family home within commuting distance to London ~1.5 million could easily be 6k a month on mortgage.
There is no way you need to buy a house that costs this much. This is YOUR choice. I have a 5 bedroom detached house within an hour's direct commute of London and it cost £625k (last year). Dont blame other people because of your expensive choice of property!

For the record, our household income is less than half of yours, but I still consider it an excellent income. The childcare years are obviously tough for everyone but they are almost over for us and then we'll be doing pretty well financially. 5 bedroom detached house within an hour of London, 2 cars, kids in private prep school, holidays etc. So you can definitely cope with £300k fgs! I feel privileged to have such a high family income.

I know how you feel. I’m a single parent and earned £197k last year by working lots of overtime. After tax you don’t get to keep that much. This year I’m thinking not to bother with so much overtime as the tax man takes most of it and redistributes it.
why should I bother working so much and getting the responsibility and stress of work when I see people relaxing around the school pick ups probably getting tax credits while I rush about like a headless chicken.

Everyone assumes you’re rich but I only have a moderate new build with a 8 year old small car. this was through living meagrely for years. I haven’t been on holiday for seven years I just saved what I earned to buy the house.

I think the bottom line is that London house prices ( and uk prices) are ridiculous. Also tax keeps going up and up. Childcare prices are going up and up. You could take a big mortgage and offset it. When you have more money after childcare you can save up and pay it off earlier.

What makes you think there is any obsession.

By the way, why shouldn’t anyone want nicer things. Why do you live in a 4 bed detached. A smaller terraced house would do just fine, like it does for many.

From reading what a lot of people have written, the problem here is not OP or her attitude it’s that housing costs in the south east are completely, irredeemably out of control.

Yeah, I think it was the 30 hours that was meant there which you stop being eligible for over 100k, but agree it could've been clearer.

I think some of it is the dissatisfaction with your work/ life balance. We are a family with that earning potential. However, my son has SEN, so I took a step down. We earn about 70% of what you do. I have never been happier since I took away the extra work pressure. We are both from families that didn't have much so never have been into 'the lifestyle' of what our earning potential is. We live in a 4 bed in North London. Any spare cash we put to paying down our mortgage and retirement plans. We count ourselves very lucky to be able to plan for the future. I'd say the only fancy thing we own is a nice car. We got it last year and its the only fancy car I have ever had.

I think you are looking to what similar earning friends have. My favorite saying is 'comparison is the thief of joy'. The period where you have young kids, nursery etc I'd a bit of a killer. You'll feel different when they are a bit older.

We want our kids to see the value of money. They have a privilege we never had.

I actually think its all relative. You live in an expensive part of the country its all expensive. So someone earning 80k combined living in the countryside and a cheaper part of the country will be living the same life as you for less hours work etc. I think you need to weigh up whats important everything costs so much at the moment and if living in a smaller house and making sacrifices to live in an affluent area are important to you then stay where you are. If you can afford to move out of the area, find a bigger house enjoy life a bit more and the kids then i say do it. The juggle is real and unfortunately 300k doesnt go as far as some people may think! Nursery fees are more in your area, food shopping council tax etc etc. The juggle is real maybe make a list of important things to you and see what outweighs the money? Good luck mumma the juggle is sooo real. I can really relate to you. I earn well so does my husband we took a plunge as he was unhappy with his work a few years ago and he retrained and his now more local, specialised and present now for all of us, doing some a school runs and housework just getting the balance right for your family xx

Everyone can get 15 hours free child care from 3

Everyone can get 15 free hours from the term after their dc turn 3 for 38 weeks of the year.

A full time nursery place for dc under 3 can cost 2k a month.

Yes, essentially.

There are still lots of people in the south east who are shielded from those costs, because of having bought a while back or having SH. But relatively recent purchasers and in particular private renters get the full whack of the dysfunction.

Your problem is where you live not how much you earn

This is it, but it's not just a matter of money, but demand vastly exceeding supply.

So many more people want to live in London than there are houses available. There simply isn't the room for everyone who wants to live there.

If the houses of the type the OP wants in the places she's looking all halved in price, it wouldn't just be her being able to buy them but thousands of other people, so they'd just bid the price back up, until demand reduced as people dropped out of the race due to cost.

Another one who can't understand how you can't get a decent house, even in a commuter town, on those salaries.

Lots of detached 4/5 beds in commuter Kent towns for under £800k (and often £600k).

And can't either of you WFH some of the time to save on commuting costs?

We're in the SE on under a quarter of your combined salary in a five-bed (albeit also terrace) with a decent-enough lifestyle. Manage to save and overpay on the mortgage each month. Admittedly we don't have multiple (or even yearly!) overseas holidays, but neither do we struggle.

Also tax keeps going up and up.

plus income tax is taxed far more heavily then other sources hence why the rich get richer.

YANBU because you can get houses like that commuting distance for £600k, like Welling and Kent. You’re looking at expensive areas. You could lead the material lifestyle you want on £300k combined. £800k in a London postcode can get you a detached arts and crafts house.

I haven’t voted as I don’t know whether you’re being unreasonable, but I will say that DH and I earn just over a third of your combined salary between us, in the South of England, and have a largish four bedroom house, two decent cars and what feels to me like a lot of disposable income. We don’t have designer clothes but I can buy pretty much whatever I want on a day-to-day level without worrying (eg it’s four days before payday and I took DS out yesterday ostensibly so he could spend his pocket money on Pokémon cards 🙄 and bought him a couple of new switch games and some new clothes without even considering if there would be enough money left in the bank), pay for one-off and weekly activities for him without wincing, book and pay for holidays out of the current account rather than dipping into savings, pay for holiday club and wraparound care easily…. we live in a nice area, if the boiler broke it would be annoying but not a disaster… I was raised poor so I do feel we’re rich now.

This example was as if you bought the £1.5m home. You said you live in a more modest house currently, implying you have a much smaller mortgage so you must have much more spare money than £1.5k per month (which is already SO much)