100k+ salary, is it worth it?

[Goingtogetslated]

For the record…Not trying to be insensitive…

partner and I both earn approx 150k each. Working long and unpredictable hours with high levels of stress and responsibility.

Yet here we are living in a 3 bed terrace in the east end of london, a basic car, neither of us into high end expenses/dining out/clothes. We used to holiday a lot pre children, I guess would classify as our major expenditure in the past.

But is it actually worth it? A decent 4/5 bed house (with kerb appeal I admit) in the commuter belt seems to be coming in at 1.5 million minimum. Add the commuting costs/ extended nursery hours, paid help required theres barely anything left - relatively speaking.

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the countryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

We appear to be stuck in this middle ground where we earn too much to have any allowances from the state, contribute a lot to the government yet not enough for any real benefits in lifestyle

@Goingtogetslated Jobs in this bracket do tend to own you.. and housing in London is ridiculous, and needs to be tackled from all ends.

I think you have to try and extract the emotion from your situation and tackle it like you would a problem at work

In parallel you need to look at A) stuff that can make your current life better and B) longer term options

Look properly for the cheaper areas of both london and commuter belt. South East London is generally cheaper (and greener) than East. Commuter belt I am out of date but generally north eg Northampshire is cheaper than south or east.

Can you negotiate at work for you both to do at least one day at home? That makes the commute doable.

If your kids are preschool, you will be better off with a live in nanny out of london - not always easy to find but not impossible, so talk to the nanny agencies in your target areas about what makes an appealing gig while you are looking for a house.

Longer term, get a career coach and figure out what you / both of you could pivot into. You may never act on this but it will help you feel more in control while you sort life out.

In the meantime - you sound knackered - can you take a week off work and just get a few days away and a rest. Also, if you aren’t, outsource everything you can right now - extent cleaner hours, use M n s meals, lean on anyone you can to take the kids for a few hours.

Don’t take the comments on here to heart. The UK is becoming a vicious place for people without options, but that doesn’t mean late stage capitalism doesn’t throw up problems for those who do. Good luck with it.

Well no clearly not worth it if you're moaning about it....

Check out CR3. My local station Upper Warlingham is 30 mins direct into Victoria. The trains heaving (but you can always get a seat) so plenty commute, it’s the last station in zone 6 too. Good schools, lots of lovely walks, safe. You’d get a lot more than your money than central london

I think the OP should look at z4/5 or move somewhere with a proper town centre/high street. Caterham & the surrounds are green but nothing much going on & the trains are often delayed or canx.

I have recently left my VERY stressful reasonably well paid (although 1/3 your pay) job and am now working minimum wage jobs. I am 100 x happier, if this is what I could have felt like for the last 20 years than it absolutely was not worth it.

I agree, and part of the joy of living somewhere cheaper is being able to free up income for things like pensions anyway. It honestly baffles me that people who have lots of options choose a lifestyle like OPs if they don't even like it. Obviously there are maaaaaaaany people much worse off, but they don't have the same breadth of choices available to them.

I think ( hope) what you’re trying to say is that for the wages you earn, you should have a luxury lifestyle. And actually that should be a fair assumption.

but 300k a year should get you a very good lifestyle- even in London. You can still move a fair bit out and still be in zone1-6 so commuting not going to be massively expensive

You just need to move slightly further out to an outer London zone and make sure you pick a good train station and great schools and do some working from home. In the long run, you just need to get through this stage but will be far better off than most people. Yes, it is worth it.
For years, every generation has had to move further and further out and as result more and more areas were gentrified. Just find out where people you age in your position are moving to and do the same, job done.

If a 300k income is not going giving you the lifestyle you want then I think you should seriously re evaluate.

I agree that people like yourself who contribute more than 45% of their earnings in tax and NI are the most unfairly dealt with in the UK. You would have worked hard to get to where you are , are "rich" enough to pay the highest level of tax and not rich enough for it not to matter.

A lot of MN wouldn't understand that as they are overcome with jealousy and probably low aspirations that this situation is beyond their understanding.

I would meet with a good financial advisor OP and discuss all your options and hopefully you will be able to come up with a suitable plan that will work for your family. I agree with you that if you can't live the way you want on what you earn, something should change. Whether it's location or better money management or be less risk averse, I don't know without knowing your particular situation but hopefully a financial advisor will be able to help

I actually do see your point OP. At that salary, you’re both on highest income tax rate, no tax free childcare, no free hours (?) and yes, housing, bills, childcare also v v expensive, especially in London. Would you be better off if you and your DP both go part time, look after DC a day or two each and find a way to bring each of your salaries to £99k apiece? That would bring childcare costs down massively and give you access to childcare support too.

There are areas just inside and just outside of London with the lifestyle that you describe. I’m zone 5, green belt adjacent and 4/5 period houses can be around 1 million.

OP - I get you. You have income but not wealth.

We were in that position 15 years ago - dual earners, good London salaries which went mostly on childcare and we could only afford a terraced house that MIL called a ‘doll’s house’, with a housing association property next door. It felt crazy to me that we worked so hard, with little leftover after childcare. As where you live is so important, it felt a bit mad.

But we managed to pay off the mortgage within 10 years and move to the place we wanted. Childcare costs dropped, and now we have built up pensions, holidays etc.

So 15 years on, it feels worth it.

Shoreditch is massively expensive as you know. Not affordable for first time buyers unless they have family help/property is ex local authority - or both.

I’m living in London on roughly a quarter of that. No government help obv, and leaving a similar lifestyle…

OP is being treated badly by some on here. Like others, I’ve seen posters on other threads saying their DH have a ‘big job’ and nobody says fuck all, but when it’s a woman, the knives come out. I’m surprised some PP haven’t demanded OP pays more taxes as punishment for being an ‘out of touch Londoner’.

OP, buy the Essex/London border house and stay in your jobs, we need as many net contributors as possible! Nursery won’t last for much longer. The money saved from when nursery ends can be used to overpay the mortgage. Also have a look at your direct debits and see if you’re subscribing to things you no longer need or are overinsured. You’re probably too busy to food shop properly so wasting money daily in convenience stores. Stop that and do a proper weekly shop online.

The UK is becoming a vicious place for people without options, but that doesn’t mean late stage capitalism doesn’t throw up problems for those who do.

That's a very neat way of putting it. We live in a deranged system.

You are not wrong OP. People in your income bracket are basically paying for the net takers in this country. But his is MN, where high earners are either considered to be fantasists or loathed for some other reason.

Your problem is where you live not how much you earn.

Do you really need to live in London now with remote working and some areas having good commuting links into London? I don't think so.

Well, obviously the issue is living in an expensive place. I earn £24k as a lone parent, with some benefit top ups and manage fine. I pay £500 a month rent in the east midlands.

Also, childcare will not last forever, it's a few years and then you'll have more spare cash.

i own a 3 bed house in zone 3/4 London- c.500k- OP is deluded that London means you can’t survive on 300k

The UK is becoming a vicious place for people without options, but that doesn’t mean late stage capitalism doesn’t throw up problems for those who do.

yep, really sums it up.

I understand what you are saying. If you asked people would you prefer to earn 50k and have relaxed low stress life, or 150k and be highly stressed and barely see the kids and still only have v ordinary lifestyle then people will say go for the 50k! It sounds like the stress is getting to you, but the problem when you earn more is you end up feeling trapped as it isn't easy to just hop across to another high earning profession and making the decision to take a massive payout is scary. Hopefully you may be able to find a middle ground somewhere.

Not all Londoners earn 100k plus or are in receipt of benefits- people are deluded!

This is such an odd thread.

You want all of nice aspects of a high salary but you feel annoyed that you are sacrificing things for your work. Then you feel that because mumsnet is a supposedly predominantly female environment you're surprised people haven't been more sympathetic to your first world problems?!

Somethings got to give sometimes, if you don't feel your currently life and lifestyle is bringing you joy.. change it.

Why not? I live in North East London and absolutely love it here. Close to the countryside but close to the city. Best of both worlds for me and my family.

😂😂😂

I think if this is your situation then it’s probably not worth it. We earn combined £85k and our lifestyle doesn’t sound that different to yours. We live in the south east in a 3 bed semi in a village. I work part time. Our nearest train station is a 5 min drive and it’s 1 hr to London. Neither of us commute, but it would be easily achievable for a higher salary.