100k+ salary, is it worth it?

[Goingtogetslated]

For the record…Not trying to be insensitive…

partner and I both earn approx 150k each. Working long and unpredictable hours with high levels of stress and responsibility.

Yet here we are living in a 3 bed terrace in the east end of london, a basic car, neither of us into high end expenses/dining out/clothes. We used to holiday a lot pre children, I guess would classify as our major expenditure in the past.

But is it actually worth it? A decent 4/5 bed house (with kerb appeal I admit) in the commuter belt seems to be coming in at 1.5 million minimum. Add the commuting costs/ extended nursery hours, paid help required theres barely anything left - relatively speaking.

Would we not be better off sacking it all in, moving to the countryside and earning enough to pay the bills?

We appear to be stuck in this middle ground where we earn too much to have any allowances from the state, contribute a lot to the government yet not enough for any real benefits in lifestyle

I'm on over £100k and live in a 3-bed terrace in a deprived area (not London). I could move but I don't want a massive mortgage and the DC are settled and happy. We have great holidays though!

Which area of London do you need to commute to OP? I spotted this nice house in St Alban's on Rightmove, train line into St Pancras: 4 bed St Alban's

One of the houses posted is in the area I live in, and yes it is walkable to the staton and then as I mention in the post immediately above, it is then 35-45 minutes into London depending on whether it is a fast train or stopping train.

@tubing the first two you can, within the mile of a station, the Leigh one is further but you could find ones much closer to the station, it was more just to show OP that 1.5 million is not her only option!

I think a lot of parents go through a phase of 'is this it and is it worth it?' when DCs are small.

Whatever salary you are on that stage up to the end of primary can feel like a slog.

@Goingtogetslated What you need is a personal cost/benefit analysis. This isn't simply looking at financial cost/benefit but also looking at emotional and mental cost/benefit.

Do you have long term plans and are you working to achieve them? Knowing that 'this' has an endpoint can take a lot of pressure off.

Your posts seem to be getting lost in translation. To answer your own question YES I think you would be better in a lower paid role or part time. How old are your children OP? We all prioritise different things it's not logical to be spending all your wage on childcare and paying to outsource things if it's literally not viable. What is the logic? Sit down and do a budget of what you are paying from 1 salary.

What job will you do, though? Seeing as your current job is too niche for Stockport

Assume she means she could give that stressful job up and move to Stockport?

My DH tried this but was surprised to learn the 50k job was more stressful than the 120k job because he had less autonomy and he found that really hard. He suddenly couldn’t manage his only diary and was at the mercy of those higher up.

Don’t assume a lower salary = easier. It’s just a different kind of stress.

Yes, house prices are crazy but spare a though for those who work just as hard, or even harder, who aren't rewarded with those wages.

I'm commuter belt, 30 minutes from london in an affluent town.

You do not need a £1.5m house!!
They exist of course, but it's so unnecessary

I was prepared to have some sympathy for the OP as house prices and COL can be absolutely mad in London and surrounds - that’s why we moved away.

Then I saw that her idea of a ‘decent family home’ has 4000sq feet, four reception rooms and five / six double bedrooms and the sympathy magically evaporated

On your joint salary level, it lacks credibility that you're on here talking about your woes - why aren't you commissioning a financial advisor?

Move. Butl don't move so you can afford a cleaner and a nanny and a dog walker. Move so you can live your life. We have just downsized and moved away, given up stressful jobs best thing in the world

Bet you’ve got a nice pension pot.

Im 40 and can’t afford to put anything in.

Well you are on extremely high income. I'm not sure of expenses in London, I hear it's costly. If 300000 isn't enough for an amazing life I would certainly move to country. Depending on mortgage you could most likely buy and pay it off. I expect you will find quality of life far better and cheaper elsewhere. I think that is more important than being in London. In rural areas your income would make you considered rich, so you may have a shock in a good way if you move x

I think I get at what you mean my brother when in London was in a similar situation. And for me there’s more to life than money. We earn about 1/3 of what you do but feel we have the lifestyle that suits us. We live in the country side have enough money for decent holidays etc. But we also give zero fucks about keeping up with any lifestyle.

we have our stresses but I wouldn’t swop quality of life for more money.

What's the obsession with moving into progressively bigger, 'better' houses? Our household income is about £225k but we live in the house I bought after my divorce i.e., could afford it easily on 1 income (admittedly it's a 4 bed detached up north so we're not going to outgrow it). We've prioritised being mortgage free over the perceived status of living in a McMansion or a better area. We'll be paying it off completely within the next 18 months and that's worth more than any grand house to us. Horses for courses and all that.

I'd still love to see what your outgoings are, since your take home pay between you should be about £15k a month. You mentioned that a new mortgage on a 1.5m house would be about £6k so presumably yours is significantly less. Where's the rest going?!

OP it feels like you could probably have somewhere in the middle of the terrace house you currently have and the 1.million dream house - perhaps a 3 bed semi slightly further out would give you better quality of life? But it sounds like the overwork is one of the main things too which prevents you from enjoying the money or the children fully. Could you reduce your hours, or move into a similar field that pays slightly less but has more work life balance?

OP, I think I understand what you're trying to say...are you asking what's the point in just work, work, work and earning all this when you don't really have that much quality of life? You're earning great money but there isn't any real joy/time to enjoy it due to stress and pressure.

If that's the question then I would say yes, you'd be far better changing jobs to something less stressful, moving somewhere less expensive and getting the countryside/dog life that you're after. Some people love the energy and vibrant culture of London and others find it hard work. I'm the latter and moving away to bigger homes, more open space, better work/life balance was exactly what I needed.

Yes I see the point you're making.

I take home £2300 a month after tax, NI and pension.

After paying my housing, CT and have no childcare I'm left with about the same amount as you for bills, food etc.

It's not an insignificant amount (but then I also don't live in London!) but I also live in a 2 bed flat so no massive house.

But ...... I understand that you're saying you'd expect to see or hope to see more benefits for a £300k annual income than someone on £36k with regards left overs for luxuries etc.

I guess the question is - how long will you be paying 2k childcare for. Were you hoping with that income to have enough for independent school fees?

I think I'd be looking more at what outgoings you expect the next few years, what your futures plans are etc.

And I think a lot of people forget that you don't take home £300k. In fact you take home half of that.

I think you could get a nice house for 1.1 or 1.2, in the commuter belt. Look south, it's cheapest.

@Figmentof @UnaVaca thanks I was just curious as we have some friends who have moved out to Surrey & Kent, they ended up buying a old run around to facilitate trips to the station. I think for them it was either the station was too far away or no pavement/street lighting to walk there. I know the trains are very good from Leigh.

We earn the same OP, and have a lovely lifestyle. We have 3 children, a home worth about £1.3m in London commuter belt countryside, we don't like going abroad (prefer several UK breaks a year) but never have to think about money and save half our salary per month. I don't understand why you're struggling? I guess we bought well as our mortgage is only £1300 a month as we have a low interest rate and have extended significantly over the years with cash savings to increase it's value almost 3-fold. But I'm still really not sure why you're struggling!

@Goingtogetslated i think you are struggling with which compromises to make. You are working v hard in jobs which afford a certain income but that isn’t delivering on the lifestyle you want or hoped for.
There are choices within your situation (which in itself is a good position).
You can change
work hours and roles-but this may impact on earning, future earning potential, financial security (which may also offer choices), role flexibility (which may impact on lifestyle etc), professional satisfaction, sense of self and well being

location-which will impact on costs of housing, commute distance, type of property, size of property, amenities and lifestyle

lifestyle-you can potentially change some of the day to day costs you have to save money for other things, dog walker, cleaners, holidays, etc are choices you are making (which may be fully justified to make your life function)

aspirations and hopes-these might need a shift, what parts feel palatable for you to change? Home, work hours, job role, lifestyle… are you planning for long term or short? Is your partner on board with your current plan and trajectory

This is a highly personal decision which only you can make, and weigh the points you will be happy to adjust and compromise with. On paper you have a good income but in many ways that is irrelevant (and clouds discussions in this forum) the core issue is you want something you can’t currently have and would benefit from going through a process to see which compromises are the most appropriate for you and your family. Money buys some choice and I understand you may have hoped for more freedom given your salaries but in reality the choices you’ve made so far have not allowed this.

Others here comparing figures and perceived privilege are not helpful and will not help you move forwards in your own situation and circumstance.

Also, you're entitled to 15 hours free when your child turns 3. Everyone gets that if they want it.