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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this a massive turn off from my boyfriend of a year?

88 replies

Untrusting · 22/04/2023 22:45

Been with boyfriend for not far off a year. Both got kids from previous relationships and live separately.
We have a great time whenever we're together and I love him however like all relationships there's been some small niggles along the way.

Last week he was due to go back in work and decided the night before to throw a sick day in - not the biggest crime I've done it a couple of times in my lifetime however he's now decided to go down a 'medical route' and asked the doctors to sign him off for weeks with a fictional injury.

I suppose I'm just quite shocked by it all to be honest. All my friends and family have a good work ethic and I find it really off putting that he's done this.
AIBU to find this a massive turn off?

Don't know if I see a future anymore with this man but I'll be so very sad to end it when there's so much I like about him but I've lost a lot of respect for him from this. He's actually rang in sick for 2 separate weeks in the year that I've known him but this is going to go on obviously a lot longer. Such a stupid risk to take as well when you're a home owner, have bills to pay and kids of your own to take care of.

OP posts:
CryWolf · 22/04/2023 22:47

YANBU. I couldn’t have any respect for someone who did that tbh.

Aylestone · 22/04/2023 22:47

What’s his motive for this? Has he told you? So at best you know he’s a lazy, unreliable liar and not concerned about his responsibilities, including his kids if he loses his job or any income.

Guiltridden12345 · 22/04/2023 22:48

This would be a massive turn off for me too op. No work ethic means he’ll be leaning on you before long. I’d cut my losses!

RelentlessForwardProgress · 22/04/2023 22:48

YANBU. That would irrevocably end things for me.

BCBird · 22/04/2023 22:50

It would be a turn off for me too.

mmgirish · 22/04/2023 22:51

YANBU. This is weird. I wouldn't like it either.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 22/04/2023 22:52

Yeah that'd put me off. I wouldn't like his ethics.

xyxygy · 22/04/2023 22:52

Question: are you sure he was just casually pulling sickies because he doesn't care, or is there more to it that's giving him anxiety about returning to work?

There are many reasons people try to avoid going back to work, and not all of them are because they're work-shy. I've done it a couple of times at my current job, because everything seemed hopeless and the management team are callous, difficult, short-sighted and impossible to work with, and I was on the verge of burnout/meltdown because of it. Pulling sickies was effectively my only way to retain my sanity.

Of course, I'm leaving now for a much better place, which is a far superior solution...that's not always an option, though.

Riverlee · 22/04/2023 22:53

The dishonesty would put me off definantly. He’s cheating his company, and asking the gp (unwittingly) be complicit in this. If if he can be so casual about this, what ever things can be dishonest about. He’s not taking responsibility for his family and home, and expecting others to support him.

HaS he given a reason? If he’s stressed or deopressed, but but would rather give another reason, fair enough.

The doctor may not sign him off if there’s no evidence or he feels your dp can still work. Also, you can self certify for a week.

Acheyknees · 22/04/2023 22:53

I find that most unattractive too. I have a strong work ethic and would never take advantage of my colleagues and employer by doing this. What happens when he does get ill and needs to take time off but has already taken too many sickies?

Back21970 · 22/04/2023 22:54

Might be worth finding out why he’s doing it as there could be more to it.

Does he hate the job or is it just general laziness?

Expo23 · 22/04/2023 22:55

Full turn off.

itsmylife7 · 22/04/2023 22:56

Yes would make me see him in a different light.

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/04/2023 22:57

That would be a complete turn off for me. He should either look for a new job or go in to bloody work! He is a lazy entitled liar. Put him in the bin!

HaggisBurger · 22/04/2023 22:57

That’s awful and I’d be hugely put off. I’m surprised he’s so open about it.

Cut your losses on this one. It’s really really dishonest. And two separate previous weeks - all in less than a year. Hugely bad attendance and all fake. Euuuugh

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/04/2023 22:58

He’s a lazy liar.

Wouldn’t be for me.

Devoutspoken · 22/04/2023 22:58

Sorry to be naive, but how do you get signed off for a fictional injury?

pictoosh · 22/04/2023 22:58

determinedtomakethiswork · 22/04/2023 22:57

That would be a complete turn off for me. He should either look for a new job or go in to bloody work! He is a lazy entitled liar. Put him in the bin!

This for me. He's deceitful and exploitative. Oh and lazy.

Not for me!

Supersimkin2 · 22/04/2023 22:59

How sure is he the GP will cooperate? They can and do send malingerers packing.

FloydPepper · 22/04/2023 22:59

xyxygy · 22/04/2023 22:52

Question: are you sure he was just casually pulling sickies because he doesn't care, or is there more to it that's giving him anxiety about returning to work?

There are many reasons people try to avoid going back to work, and not all of them are because they're work-shy. I've done it a couple of times at my current job, because everything seemed hopeless and the management team are callous, difficult, short-sighted and impossible to work with, and I was on the verge of burnout/meltdown because of it. Pulling sickies was effectively my only way to retain my sanity.

Of course, I'm leaving now for a much better place, which is a far superior solution...that's not always an option, though.

All of the posts immediately slating him for being lazy and workshy are part of the reason people who are genuinely struggling don’t like to take time off.

Loria · 22/04/2023 23:01

I'd be wanting to get to the bottom of why he was doing it. Taking such steps to avoid work is pretty extreme. It could ofc be extreme laziness but if it's extreme stress or despair then that would be different and I'd want to support anyone in that situation.

AnyFucker · 22/04/2023 23:01

The only reason I am ever off sick is if I literally cannot get out of bed

Has happened once in the last 6 years

so yes, this shirker would be fucked right off my radar, for sure

Annoyingwurringnoise · 22/04/2023 23:01

well, he’s not much of a prospect if he’ll go to such lengths to skive off work.

Truestorypeeps · 22/04/2023 23:02

Devoutspoken · 22/04/2023 22:58

Sorry to be naive, but how do you get signed off for a fictional injury?

I'd guess something physical like back pain which is hard to prove or disprove. Or something mental health related like depression? Just a guess as I don't feign illness!

pictoosh · 22/04/2023 23:02

"All of the posts immediately slating him for being lazy and workshy are part of the reason people who are genuinely struggling don’t like to take time off."

He is going to fabricate an injury. Poor man.

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