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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To deal with sister or ignore.

95 replies

Offensiveapprently · 22/04/2023 20:01

Sister has always been bigger built than me and at times overweight, she has struggled with her weight and has at times been classed as morbidly obese. I'm smaller build and sort of average. I have NEVER commented on her body, always stuck up for her when people commented on her and recently paid £7000.00 towards her gastric surgery and subsequent additional skin removal, thinking that it was making me sad that she was so miserable and she said shed pay me back (which she has started soing).She told nobody what she was doing and I have not breathed a word either but she has now revealed her weight loss saying that she is now a size 8 from always being 20 plus. People have commented asking how she did it she tells them diet and exercise which I know is not true. There re several friends who have commented that she is making then feel inadequate as they are bigger and she manged to lose the weight through sheer willpower (she didn't)
It's all going to her head and she doesn't seem to give a shit about anything or anyone anymore.
The last straw has been a facebook status to the effect of " everyone always thought offensive apparently was he thinner of the two of us sisters but that is not the case any more. She has got fatter as I've got thinner 😆 "
Not sure what to say. I feel like outing her but I won't because I'm not that shitty but its so tempting. I need some whitty retort to reply with or do I jut leave it. She is just trying to make me.feel as shit as she has done isn't she?

OP posts:
Catuscatish · 22/04/2023 20:06

Maybe she's provoking you into a massive public social media showdown so that she can fall out with you and not pay you back?

pimplebum · 22/04/2023 20:09

I would say and do nothing definitely not a witty retort as her public comment is really rude . She obviously has been v unhappy for a long time and is carrying a lot of resentment and jealousy, you had the cash to lend and are getting it back
Maybe have quiet word with her about the hurtful post and how I'm helpful and unfair it is to lie about her surgery , while it's her prerogative to keep her surgery private it is mean to lie about it you could offer her more money for counselling sessions to deal with past pain ?? That is the only clap back I'd do

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/04/2023 20:14

I would ignore her, as PP says, until she has paid you back.

newcastleapple · 22/04/2023 20:18

Absolutely ignore, you know the truth, take the high road

Poppyblush · 22/04/2023 20:27

Was it a loan or gift? I’d find it hard to take the high road tbh

Skankhunt84 · 22/04/2023 20:29

I'd unfollow her and ignore.

QueenSmartypants · 22/04/2023 20:30

pimplebum · 22/04/2023 20:09

I would say and do nothing definitely not a witty retort as her public comment is really rude . She obviously has been v unhappy for a long time and is carrying a lot of resentment and jealousy, you had the cash to lend and are getting it back
Maybe have quiet word with her about the hurtful post and how I'm helpful and unfair it is to lie about her surgery , while it's her prerogative to keep her surgery private it is mean to lie about it you could offer her more money for counselling sessions to deal with past pain ?? That is the only clap back I'd do

Agree

PinkCast · 22/04/2023 20:30

Ignore! Only say something if she says it to you in person.

Starhead69 · 22/04/2023 20:32

This is so strange. Just ignore, hide her posts on Facebook. Outing her wouldn’t make you feel better would it? And you are not responsible for the feelings of the people who are feeling inadequate.

maybe ask her though why she felt it necessary to post that? Sounds like she’s always been jealous of you, and she will always be watching you.

HinCogNeetOh · 22/04/2023 20:35

But she still had to lose the weight. So it WAS diet and exercise, really.

You have been an amazing sister, given her years extra of good health. Hold onto that thought.

sillysmiles · 22/04/2023 20:36

Good jesus, she's your sister
Why are you engaging over social media - call over and sit down and talk to her or at least pick up the phone.

Also, did she have any physiological evaluation before having the surgery?

CaroleSinger · 22/04/2023 20:39

Reply to her status with 'Yeah, I'd have some gastric surgery if only I could afford it sis xx'

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/04/2023 20:43

I'd reply but not make it about her weight. Something like "And yet I'm not being rude as fuck on social media"

TheSnowyOwl · 22/04/2023 20:48

Just leave it. She has undoubtedly had years of feeling self conscious and is your sister who you claim to support. Have a quiet word about the comments regarding you.

Coffeellama · 22/04/2023 20:48

I’d private message and say it’s shitty saying comments about you, wouldn’t say anything online though.

Bashshell · 22/04/2023 20:50

Deffo have a quiet word. She’s probably struggling internally a lot with all the changes, not that it’s an excuse but it won’t be a walk in the park for her.

Try to just ignore it all.

Chuckydidit · 22/04/2023 20:51

She’s still jealous of you & always will be no matter what. You don’t need to say anything, she fools no one but herself, no one believes that people lose that much weight by exercise & diet alone.

feellikezerobucks · 22/04/2023 21:00

She might be embarrassed by having the surgery...she might be living in panic that despite her weight loss she will put it all on again...she might not believe the "new her" is really her, especially if it's something she's dreamt of being for so long but never thought would happen.
I'm 7 months post surgery and have and do experience all of the above, apart from the first one.
My DH doesn't want me to make my surgery public knowledge, but when people ask me how I've done it I feel like such a fraud and don't want my results to impact how they feel about themselves.
When some people have asked I've been honest and told them, but other times I'm just so embarrassed that I got to the size I did I just move the conversation on.
You sound like a great sister but your sister is going through a huge life changing transition and I've spent the last 7 months in disbelief that this is now me.
Just take deep breaths and hope she stops being a knob Grin

Lefteyetwitch · 22/04/2023 21:00

I would screen shot and send it to her telling her to wind her neck in and stop this BS before you come with all the recipts.

GettingStuffed · 22/04/2023 21:01

You still need to watch that you eat. All the operation did was make her stomach smaller, she needs to be very careful what she's eating or the pouch will stretch and there's also the risk of malnutrition, so she's not telling a total lie

jbee1979 · 22/04/2023 21:04

Lefteyetwitch · 22/04/2023 21:00

I would screen shot and send it to her telling her to wind her neck in and stop this BS before you come with all the recipts.

Me too. Sibling honestly!

JudgeRudy · 22/04/2023 21:08

I think there's a lot more going on than just her body changes. I'm playing armchair psychologist here but it sounds like her self esteem is at rock bottom.Her weight has gone up and down so likely mood related. Some might view weightloss surgery as an 'easy' option. It's still very hard and takes willpower. It's these types of judgments that has lead her to lie.
Maybe she looks great now but she still has the old fat mind. I doubt her comment was a dig aimed at you. You have not judged her, you have supported her and you know her 'secret'. You're probably one of a few people she feels she can just be her. It was a thoughtless remark. She lis ooking for validation and approval from outside rather within. Sadly that's a battle you will never win. Point it out by all means but try hard to be understanding.

Sparklfairy · 22/04/2023 21:11

Assuming this is real.

What I'd want to say, 'Did your gastric surgeon fuck with your brain too? Your memory loss is concerning. btw you still owe me £x that I lent you for that.'

What I'd actually say: Absolutely sod all. I'd wait until she paid me back then cut her off without a word.

TeenLifeMum · 22/04/2023 21:14

I’d privately message telling her how shitty her comment was when all you’ve done is be supportive. Being skinny doesn’t mean you can be unkind!

DrManhattan · 22/04/2023 21:17

Ignore until you get your money back! By that time she might have put it all back on too lol

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