To deal with sister or ignore.

[Offensiveapprently]

Sister has always been bigger built than me and at times overweight, she has struggled with her weight and has at times been classed as morbidly obese. I'm smaller build and sort of average. I have NEVER commented on her body, always stuck up for her when people commented on her and recently paid £7000.00 towards her gastric surgery and subsequent additional skin removal, thinking that it was making me sad that she was so miserable and she said shed pay me back (which she has started soing).She told nobody what she was doing and I have not breathed a word either but she has now revealed her weight loss saying that she is now a size 8 from always being 20 plus. People have commented asking how she did it she tells them diet and exercise which I know is not true. There re several friends who have commented that she is making then feel inadequate as they are bigger and she manged to lose the weight through sheer willpower (she didn't)
It's all going to her head and she doesn't seem to give a shit about anything or anyone anymore.
The last straw has been a facebook status to the effect of " everyone always thought offensive apparently was he thinner of the two of us sisters but that is not the case any more. She has got fatter as I've got thinner 😆 "
Not sure what to say. I feel like outing her but I won't because I'm not that shitty but its so tempting. I need some whitty retort to reply with or do I jut leave it. She is just trying to make me.feel as shit as she has done isn't she?

if I was to be petty I’d say to comment on her status… “well my wallet is certainly thinner now…”

but taking the high route I think contact her privately. I’d just be blunt and direct and say that you are quite upset, after supporting her financially to afford the surgery, that she is using her weight loss to dig at you.

is it common for her to be like this?

How come you paid so much money for her surgery? Are you often supporting her like that?

I agree it is kind of shitty for her to pretend to other friends that she has some special will power. However it is her own information isn’t it so she can keep it secret if she wants.

She’s making an ass of herself publicly. It’s mean, but I would say nothing. She is obviously very unhappy.

She's incredibly rude to make a comment on your body

Do say something to her face

It’s this OP @Offensiveapprently “thinking that it was making me sad that she was so miserable”. Your sister is still miserable, the surgery hasn’t taken away the behaviour and thought patterns. If you care about her, ignore it and have a quiet word with her. If you can afford discuss if the repayments could be diverted to specialist therapy for now. Make sure she knows that you care for her and are there for her, but also state your boundaries; you can’t be her punchbag.

I would absolutely address it - because you shouldn't be saying stuff like that about anyone, but especially not your sister who helped you when you needed it - but I'd do it privately and definitely not publicly. I'd convey how hurt you are that you've been nothing but supportive and she's inexplicably making public digs at you for...what? She might have lost weight and be rightly proud of herself for it, but she still needs to be kind. I'm sorry OP, that sucks.

to lie about having surgery and putting her weight loss down to diet and exercise - I can see her point. She is probably embarrassed.
Calling you the 'fat sister' after you have helped and supported her - nah she is bang out of order. I'd be tempted to reveal her 'secret' haha

I wouldn't say anything. She's obviously very jealous and insecure. It could also be as others have said, that she is looking to cut you out so that she doesn't have to cough up.

If I was going to be a bit passive agressive about it then I might 'like' or 'heart' her posts. Maybe even a cheeky comment saying that it is so wonderful to see how she has transformed with just hard work and dedication and that you are so proud. I am petty though.

Don't know if this is helpful but I had an ex who was obese in his teens and then lost weight and became normal sized in his early 20s.
He said after he lost the weight it was "like waking up on Christmas morning and finding there were no presents. Because all my insecurities were still there."

Just wondered if she's having a harder time than expected, if she thought losing weight would completely solve all her problems, and is now acting like a total dick to try and manage that?

"you of all people should know how hurtful fat shaming and comparing us can be. I will hold my head high knowing I've been a great sister to you"

id text rather than social
media respond. She might be trying to engineer an excuse to fall out and not pay you back.

I would ignore her, anyone reading her messages will make their own mind up!

I would probably put something along the lines of "thanks for the mention, if only I had half your will power. You'll have to start sharing your exercise and meal plans to help motivate the rest of us".
Seems like she has some resentment towards you.

How about replying "Are you joking? I lost 7,000 pound recently". Might focus her mind a little.

I would send her a message asking if she meant to be so hurtful towards you and if she's OK because it isn't the sort of thing a happy person would post. You did a wonderful thing for your sister.

Can you reply saying something like “I’ve got fatter have I?! You best share your ‘diet and exercise’ regime with me!” Or “How have I got fatter? I can’t afford to eat after lending someone very close to me £7k for weight loss surgery!” 😜

She's spoiling for a flight, so that you fall out with her and she doesn't then need to pay you back.

"If only I had the money for a Gastic Band Id be mathcing your achievement, everyone knows I don't have the stamina for diets and exercise like you. Well done Sis!"

If ever there was a thread ripe for the tabloids tis this one. And that would show her.

Ooooooh - I would never of thought of that, but perhaps you're right!

Well she’s outed herself publicly as being an arsehole so I’d leave her to it.

Id not help her again or frankly contact her for a while and I’d make sure the money was paid back.

Cut off your sister without a word for making a bit of a rude post on Facebook

She sounds volatile, a reaction could cost 7k. She may resent making repayments and this may be a provocation, she may not be conciously aware of.

But, if you're extremely rich and not bothered I'd comment publicly something along the lines of: "Ouch Sis, that was below the gastric belt"

OP when you offered to lend her the money, did you genuinely expect her to repay you, or have you always been half expecting her to welch on the deal? You've been an extremely generous and supportive sister, and for her to repay you with lies and nastiness like this, does make me wonder whether you went into this loan situation with your eyes fully open to the fact that once she'd got what she wanted, she might decide not to pay you back?

It really does sound like she has a massive chip on her shoulder about the fact that, in her eyes you've always had it easy with regard to your weight, whereas she's always struggled, and I would really hate for you to be conned out of what is, to most of us, a LOT of money, because she feels that in some weird way you've had life easier than she has.

I'm not rolling in it but have the money to lend. I've landed her money in the past as although she earns more than me she has a high rent and her husband doesn't earn much. I'm also an absolutely cracking saver!
She has paid me back but this has slways been to the tune of helping her with initial deposits for rents for about 1- 2 thousand.
I took money from my son's savings for his adulthood so although I don't need it back now, it's very clearly payable!
I'd not thought of her spoling for a fight butI wonder if £7000 sounds too insurmountable, we can only see!
It's the personal comments that hurt and the thought of her misleading people (her friends) which also bites. The petty side of me wants to really embarrass her online but I also want to be better than that. I do love some of the comments and may just send something as a DM!

Op if she earns fairly well the isn’t it odd for you to have to lend her mo ey, especially if that is by taking money out of your child’s savings? I have lent mi ey to my parents but it was literally because there was no other option, they couldn’t get credit and it was for a move that was happening in days time to prevent their homelessness.

I’m just saying because I’m wondering if you are in a weird dynamic with her whereby you feel you have to look after her or provide for her?

You used your sons savings for this??? Wow, I’d just message her to make sure she starts paying it back and never lend her money again.