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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of receiving unwanted regifted items?

88 replies

giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 18:59

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

I am so tired of receiving unwanted regifted items. People seem to just want to get rid of stuff they do not want rather than put any thought in it.

Some items I have received:

Bath soak - I no longer have a bath since getting my bathroom refitted. Everyone knows I had a new bathroom as I was using everyone's showers during the fitting.

Bright orange scarf: I only ever wear dark clothes and accessories.

Children's clothes: clothing given to my newborn girl that is age 5-6 and also boys pyjamas for her.

Other items include: dried flower arrangements, coasters, socks, houseplants. I am open about being a minimalist and not wanting stuff.

Most of the stuff I take to the charity shop because I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else.

The lack of thought is sad. I put so much effort into getting gifts people would like and I would rather have nothing than these thoughtless items.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 22/04/2023 19:00

Regift the items back to the sender. That might give them the message. If not just stop doing gifts for people who cannot be bothered!

Iloveacurry · 22/04/2023 19:02

Is it the ILs giving you the regifted presents??

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:04

Just got a message today from a friend who wants to drop round some home baking. This is usually stuff her kids have made and consists of all different types of cakes mushed together mixed with wrapped sweets. Clearly just off loading the excess. She is very strict about the amount of sugar her kids eat but it seems to be ok to bring a huge box of sugary stuff for my DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:05

Iloveacurry · 22/04/2023 19:02

Is it the ILs giving you the regifted presents??

No although when they were alive their presents were not great either!

It is friends and family.

OP posts:
WestOfWestminster · 22/04/2023 19:06

Maybe they also think you'd like the present? For example with the bath soak, I can imagine other people totally forgetting you've had your bathroom re done and not got a bath.

But yeah, I agree its annoying when people give you regifted or thoughtless presents, it makes you feel bad taking them to the charity shops.

Perhaps its time we re think gift giving in our society in general, as I think a lot of people have this problem

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/04/2023 19:06

Surely you have one birthday and Christmas a year so this cant be a massive chore? You can give anything you dont want to charity or your school PTA for prizes.

PollyAmour · 22/04/2023 19:06

Is it just one person regifting you stuff? Or does everyone in your life pass on their unwanted gifts?

If it's one person, I'd donate the toiletries to your nearest nursing home for residents who have no family to buy them stuff and charity shop the rest. Then buy them a very generic, no thought gone into it at all, gift next time.

GrazingSheep · 22/04/2023 19:06

Just got a message today from a friend who wants to drop round some home baking

Have you said no?

Timeforachangeisitnot · 22/04/2023 19:06

Tell your friend ‘Thanks, but we are cutting back on sugar, so please don’t waste it on us’

And with the regifting, as PP suggested, just wait and give it back.

I do regift, but I try to match the gift to the person, so would only gift it if I thought the person would enjoy it more than I would.

bumblebeees · 22/04/2023 19:07

Funny thread

DannyZukosSmile · 22/04/2023 19:09

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

You lost the argument with THIS line in your opening post @giftdilemma YABVVU.

Kvetching · 22/04/2023 19:12

I’m a register, but I would regift anything naff - that would go to charity.

Friends are always buying me Neom stuff. I loathe it so regift it. Ditto Ren and Molton Brown. I know lots of people like this stuff, so I don’t feel bad.

GrumpyPanda · 22/04/2023 19:14

You lost me when you got to the "boys pyjamas" for your DD. The shock! The horror! What exactly is the issue here - they're going to make her grow a penis?

Sacmagique75 · 22/04/2023 19:16

What sort of gifts are you giving to other people that you have “put a lot of thought into”? How do you know the the recipients don’t feel exactly the same as you? Your perception is you’re buying them a thoughtful gift and it may well be that they feel the same about what you’re giving them!

I love receiving flowers, chocolates and wine, so that would naturally be my go-to to gift but I have several friends who I know think that is a “thoughtless” gift. So I’ll buy them something I think they like (and probably get it wrong!) Equally I see friends exchanging candles, reed diffusers, nice ornaments or serving dishes etc and I think, what a waste of money! But to them a lot of thought has gone into choosing something that is not “just” flowers/chocolate/generic gift….

The problem is gift giving occasions come around frequently, you clearly enjoy giving gifts and putting “thought” into choosing them so people feel the need to reciprocate - what would you like to receive? What would be considered a thoughtful gift to you?

Newnamenewname109870 · 22/04/2023 19:16

giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:04

Just got a message today from a friend who wants to drop round some home baking. This is usually stuff her kids have made and consists of all different types of cakes mushed together mixed with wrapped sweets. Clearly just off loading the excess. She is very strict about the amount of sugar her kids eat but it seems to be ok to bring a huge box of sugary stuff for my DC.

Yikes!!!

Newnamenewname109870 · 22/04/2023 19:16

GrumpyPanda · 22/04/2023 19:14

You lost me when you got to the "boys pyjamas" for your DD. The shock! The horror! What exactly is the issue here - they're going to make her grow a penis?

This made me laugh

KTheGrey · 22/04/2023 19:22

@Sacmagique75
It doesn't take much thought to decide that age 5-6 clothes are unlikely to be very useful for a newborn, if you have never seen your friend in orange it's not a colour she wears and that someone without a bath doesn't use bath soak.

I feel the OP being more thoughtful than that would be pretty easy.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:38

Timeforachangeisitnot · 22/04/2023 19:06

Tell your friend ‘Thanks, but we are cutting back on sugar, so please don’t waste it on us’

And with the regifting, as PP suggested, just wait and give it back.

I do regift, but I try to match the gift to the person, so would only gift it if I thought the person would enjoy it more than I would.

The kind of regifting where it is matched to the person is absolutely fine.

OP posts:
chocolatehoovering · 22/04/2023 19:39

giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:04

Just got a message today from a friend who wants to drop round some home baking. This is usually stuff her kids have made and consists of all different types of cakes mushed together mixed with wrapped sweets. Clearly just off loading the excess. She is very strict about the amount of sugar her kids eat but it seems to be ok to bring a huge box of sugary stuff for my DC.

Just say no thank you. Say that you and the children are cutting back on sugar because you've been having too much and have decided to reduce intake significantly.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:39

GrazingSheep · 22/04/2023 19:06

Just got a message today from a friend who wants to drop round some home baking

Have you said no?

No I haven't because she seriously ill with a brain condition so I feel bad saying anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:41

GrumpyPanda · 22/04/2023 19:14

You lost me when you got to the "boys pyjamas" for your DD. The shock! The horror! What exactly is the issue here - they're going to make her grow a penis?

Of course not but its thoughtless to give boys pyjamas that are for 3-4 years to a newborn girl.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 22/04/2023 19:41

“You can give anything you dont want to charity or your school PTA for prizes.”

Groans…. Nobody wants it. I detest having to buy something to donate. Then give DD money to buy something that’s been donated that I do not want.

I would rather just give money.

There is too much plastic tat floating around.

chocolatehoovering · 22/04/2023 19:43

When you say they are regifted, do you mean they receive something and pass them on to you? eg. they show up with bath soak stuff and say so and so gave it to me so I'm passing it on to you.
Or do they wrap this stuff up and give it to you as a Christmas or birthday present? In which case, how do you know it is "regifted" and not just something they bought.

In a scenario where they try to foist unwanted stuff on you, not as an actual present for an occasion, just say thanks but no thanks. Oh, that bath soak stuff looks good but unfortunately I don't have a bath so can't use it.
Similarly, the clothes, oh they look good but they are far too big and I just don't have the storage space to keep them for 5 or 6 years until my daughter grows in to them. Please find someone else who has a child who can make use of them.

If the stuff comes wrapped up as a present then it's a bit trickier. You can't really refuse it. I get a whole load of useless stuff from an aunt and it usually sits around for a while before being recycled or binned, depending on what it is.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:43

Sacmagique75 · 22/04/2023 19:16

What sort of gifts are you giving to other people that you have “put a lot of thought into”? How do you know the the recipients don’t feel exactly the same as you? Your perception is you’re buying them a thoughtful gift and it may well be that they feel the same about what you’re giving them!

I love receiving flowers, chocolates and wine, so that would naturally be my go-to to gift but I have several friends who I know think that is a “thoughtless” gift. So I’ll buy them something I think they like (and probably get it wrong!) Equally I see friends exchanging candles, reed diffusers, nice ornaments or serving dishes etc and I think, what a waste of money! But to them a lot of thought has gone into choosing something that is not “just” flowers/chocolate/generic gift….

The problem is gift giving occasions come around frequently, you clearly enjoy giving gifts and putting “thought” into choosing them so people feel the need to reciprocate - what would you like to receive? What would be considered a thoughtful gift to you?

I make a lot of gifts that I give to friends. I am sure they must like them because I see them on display or being used in their homes (unless they are keeping stuff from 10 years ago that they do not like but get it out every time I visit).

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:44

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/04/2023 19:06

Surely you have one birthday and Christmas a year so this cant be a massive chore? You can give anything you dont want to charity or your school PTA for prizes.

There are several other occasions too. Two would be manageable.

OP posts: