To be tired of receiving unwanted regifted items?

[giftdilemma]

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

I am so tired of receiving unwanted regifted items. People seem to just want to get rid of stuff they do not want rather than put any thought in it.

Some items I have received:

Bath soak - I no longer have a bath since getting my bathroom refitted. Everyone knows I had a new bathroom as I was using everyone's showers during the fitting.

Bright orange scarf: I only ever wear dark clothes and accessories.

Children's clothes: clothing given to my newborn girl that is age 5-6 and also boys pyjamas for her.

Other items include: dried flower arrangements, coasters, socks, houseplants. I am open about being a minimalist and not wanting stuff.

Most of the stuff I take to the charity shop because I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else.

The lack of thought is sad. I put so much effort into getting gifts people would like and I would rather have nothing than these thoughtless items.

I was once given a birthday present by a friend. As l unwrapped it, I discovered the most hideous dress l have ever seen in my life. My friend told me that it had been passed on to her but was too big for her so she thought it might fit me. To add insult to injury, not only is this lady a similar size to me, 14-16, but this dress must have been at least a size 26. It was also grey, a colour l dislike immensely as it makes me look like death warmed up. I was amazed that a local charity shop accepted it. This lady has form for dreadful gifts. This birthday l was given a box of Elizabeth Shaw orange chocolates, which l really like so opened the box with anticipation. When l ate the first one it tasted a bit off so I tried another only to have the same result. I checked the Best Before date only to see that it had expired over six months previously. Obviously a regift from the previous Christmas. OP, l am with you all the way.

It is fine if your DD has requested the pyjamas. But everyone is not the same.

I don't have much storage space and don't want to keep unwanted regifted items.

Maybe it’s time to just cut back on the gift giving. With my friends we don’t exchange Xmas gifts. Instead we have a get together in December. We only give birthday gifts on significant birthdays. Why not just take your friend out for a meal or a drink instead?

With family you can cut back by doing a secret Santa amongst the adults. Set a reasonable budget and propose that everyone submits a wish list.

@Rainbowqueeen this is a good idea. I don't send gifts to any of my friends, and they don't send gifts to me. Too much expense and dates to remember! I'll send a card or a present for a milestone event but that's it. I also try and avoid sending stuff to extended family including children. I don't expect gifts from them either.

I would prefer to go out for a meal or drink to be honest. I have a feeling I would still get the regifted presents.

Regifting is crap. People who do it are sending a signal of disregard, in my opinion.

If you want to pass along a gift - for example a bottle of wine if you don't drink - you need to announce it as such. E.g. A friend gave me this but I don't drink, would you like it? Passing it off as a gift that you bought for them is dishonest.

This "if I know they'd like it" excuse is disingenuous. Almost as bad as "I know they won't miss it" when you swipe something.

@giftdilemma just start suggesting the meal or drink. You won’t convert everyone all at once but over time things will improve.

I have a cousin who does this. I keep telling her not to get me things, and now I've started saying I'm trying to clear things out so no more stuff. Thanks, but honestly, no thanks. The bath stuff, just give it back, say thank you but I don't have a bath. Or just suck it up, and keep giving to charity shops. With the friend who brings the crappy kids baking, say you're on a diet.

I bin the stuff that our family dosent need or wont use, we have a neighbour who likes baking and like you said icing covered cake topped with maltesers etc, absolutely no wish to feed my kids pile of sugar and oil, i thank her but cakes go to the bin too.

@Bloopsie this is what I do not understand. My friend is so strict with her DC and how much sugar they have yet keeps turning up with sugar laden baking for my DC.

The cakes don't even look very appetising. Everything just crushed together in a box.

It’s all so very person dependent and difficult to know if someone is just ‘gift blind’ or being thoughtless.

As to storing clothes…DSis is happily taking six years worth of DS2’s clothing for my DNephew…I’ve obviously filtered it for the decent stuff and told her to do the same…but it’s in her loft, by size. Styles in trousers for five year olds don’t change much in six years!

I think one shouldn't assume someone is happy to take clothes several years ahead. If someone is then that is the perfect gift for their DC.

I received bags and bags of clothing for many years ahead for my newborn. Some of it smelled stale like it had been in their homes for years. I gave it to the charity shop.

I was imagining there was six years with of clothes, just SOME clothes of the wrong size, ie several sizes too big. My house isn’t big at all, but I have a bit of eaves storage that can take a few too big clothes.

Yes to all of this. ⬆️
Just stop buying presents full stop, and pass it on what you don’t like yourself without ‘re-gifting’. Re gifting is generally crap for the receiver. I agree re the stale smell too.
Tell your friend offloading all her kids making onto you is an utter piss take, can’t believe some people are so obvious!

I never regift. Anything I don’t want goes to the charity shop. And I’d much rather receive a bottle of wine or chocolates or a plant than regifted toiletries or smelly candles.

Whatever happened to graciously accepting a gift? OP you sound like a nightmare to buy for, so maybe they don't want to waste their money?

I still remember, 20 years ago a "friend" handing me back my gift saying it's not to her taste. I thought about that gift, and I thought her response was incredibly rude. We are no longer friends (a combination of things).

Just stop having "The Occasions" .
Are you one of these people who do Baby Showers, gender reveals, a vow renewal annually, birthday events, hens, stags, Easter Egg hunt, Street parties, New baby celebrations, Christenings, house warming get-togethers, Summer Bloody Solstices, Graduation Parties, Harvest festival... Just stop!

I don't like gifts or being celebrated so the only gifts that I get, is around Christmas time. Every other time is avoidable by not making an "occasion" out of things.

Also, I'm very doubtful that the gifts you are making are in themselves great. I'm sure they're dear to people who love you but otherwise there's a high risk of cringe. Unless you're incredibly skilled at making something and people can commission you for a particular piece as a present - that would be perfect indeed.

You cannot complain about regifting when you do it yourself. 🤷‍♀️

I hear you OP. It’s the thoughtlessness of it for me. I have been given some right old shit in the past. For my birthday one year got given a green suede handbag that was covered in dust and mascara (clearly grabbed from the back of the cupboard) inside was a bottle of used body spray. Made even worse by the person saying “I bought you these”. I love second hands bits generally and am grateful for things being passed down to me that I can use but not when their cast off to you because the other person can’t be bothered to put some thought into the present.

Just say no. Why are you in capable of saying no?
Re friend with the children who bakes cakes why don't you just say no thank you. why don't you ask her : why do you keep baking cakes with loads of sugar when you don't want your kids eating sugar?

just say no, to the bath bombs. Do you actually ever have the courage to ask your friends why they buy you such thoughtless presents?

Say, I never wear orange. Ask her why she bought you an orange scarf??

Just put them in the charity bag

You make them gifts and are sure they like them? How do you know they aren’t just displaying them for your benefit? A lot of people would think a home made present is cheap and therefore not what to spend money on you…

You sound spoilt to me. Maybe they thought you'd suit the orange scarf. Maybe our friend thinks it's nice to give your children a sweet treat, a sign that they think of you.

The kids clothes was a bit odd I guess, but perhaps they thought you'd want the clothes for when she's older. Newborns don't need much.

But ultimately, there aren't objectively good gifts, and not everyone is good at gift giving or has the same time/money to put into the preparation for good gift giving.

You are an adult, you should be able to accept this by now.

I have a regifting friend. So far as a family we've received pencils with her child's name embossed on them, a child's diary completed by her child, two half used toiletry sets squished into the wrong packaging and a calendar for the previous year.

I have multiple times said let's stop doing presents but she'll say we have to because she's already bought gifts. I've stopped making a huge effort but she is the only one I know who complains about other people's gift. She particularly doesn't want perishables, presumably as these are more difficult to regift.