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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tired of receiving unwanted regifted items?

88 replies

giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 18:59

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

I am so tired of receiving unwanted regifted items. People seem to just want to get rid of stuff they do not want rather than put any thought in it.

Some items I have received:

Bath soak - I no longer have a bath since getting my bathroom refitted. Everyone knows I had a new bathroom as I was using everyone's showers during the fitting.

Bright orange scarf: I only ever wear dark clothes and accessories.

Children's clothes: clothing given to my newborn girl that is age 5-6 and also boys pyjamas for her.

Other items include: dried flower arrangements, coasters, socks, houseplants. I am open about being a minimalist and not wanting stuff.

Most of the stuff I take to the charity shop because I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else.

The lack of thought is sad. I put so much effort into getting gifts people would like and I would rather have nothing than these thoughtless items.

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:46

chocolatehoovering · 22/04/2023 19:43

When you say they are regifted, do you mean they receive something and pass them on to you? eg. they show up with bath soak stuff and say so and so gave it to me so I'm passing it on to you.
Or do they wrap this stuff up and give it to you as a Christmas or birthday present? In which case, how do you know it is "regifted" and not just something they bought.

In a scenario where they try to foist unwanted stuff on you, not as an actual present for an occasion, just say thanks but no thanks. Oh, that bath soak stuff looks good but unfortunately I don't have a bath so can't use it.
Similarly, the clothes, oh they look good but they are far too big and I just don't have the storage space to keep them for 5 or 6 years until my daughter grows in to them. Please find someone else who has a child who can make use of them.

If the stuff comes wrapped up as a present then it's a bit trickier. You can't really refuse it. I get a whole load of useless stuff from an aunt and it usually sits around for a while before being recycled or binned, depending on what it is.

@chocolatehoovering It is stuff they have received which I presume they do not want and then they wrap it and give it to me for presents on special occasions.

A bright orange scarf is not a gift they someone bought for me thinking I would like it. I wear dark clothes and always have. It is either a regift or a very thoughtless gift.

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:47

DannyZukosSmile · 22/04/2023 19:09

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

You lost the argument with THIS line in your opening post @giftdilemma YABVVU.

@DannyZukosSmile I have lost the argument because I regift with thought? OK.

OP posts:
Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:50

Sacmagique75 · 22/04/2023 19:16

What sort of gifts are you giving to other people that you have “put a lot of thought into”? How do you know the the recipients don’t feel exactly the same as you? Your perception is you’re buying them a thoughtful gift and it may well be that they feel the same about what you’re giving them!

I love receiving flowers, chocolates and wine, so that would naturally be my go-to to gift but I have several friends who I know think that is a “thoughtless” gift. So I’ll buy them something I think they like (and probably get it wrong!) Equally I see friends exchanging candles, reed diffusers, nice ornaments or serving dishes etc and I think, what a waste of money! But to them a lot of thought has gone into choosing something that is not “just” flowers/chocolate/generic gift….

The problem is gift giving occasions come around frequently, you clearly enjoy giving gifts and putting “thought” into choosing them so people feel the need to reciprocate - what would you like to receive? What would be considered a thoughtful gift to you?

@Sacmagique75 A thoughtful gift would be a candle which I love, a book or something such as plant a tree, charity gifts etc,

OP posts:
Mary46 · 22/04/2023 20:13

Not mad on re gifting. No point a bright scarf if its not their colour. I put thought into gifts though.

fourlambbhunas · 22/04/2023 20:19

So your friend who is seriously ill with a brain condition has taken the time to give you gifts and home baked goodies and all you can do is complain? Yeeesh, you are awful

Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 22/04/2023 20:21

Just give it to the charity shop.

I am at the stage where I hardly get any presents now at all!

i take your point though, present giving can be a way of insulting people. But I’m not sure if that is worse or better than getting NOTING

Crikeyalmightey · 22/04/2023 20:24

Yanbu. I used to let this sort of thing upset me. The worst one I got was a folded up in a pouch "shopping bag" that smelt mouldy as if old potatoes had been stored in it. Obviously from a charity shop or maybe a rubbish tip. And that was someone's idea of a Christmas gift. 😣. More latterly I just throw them straight in the bin. Job done.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 20:26

Crikeyalmightey · 22/04/2023 20:24

Yanbu. I used to let this sort of thing upset me. The worst one I got was a folded up in a pouch "shopping bag" that smelt mouldy as if old potatoes had been stored in it. Obviously from a charity shop or maybe a rubbish tip. And that was someone's idea of a Christmas gift. 😣. More latterly I just throw them straight in the bin. Job done.

@Crikeyalmightey I have also had to throw some items as I can't even give them to the charity shop. Got given a box of chocolates with several missing 😐

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 22/04/2023 20:33

Stick it all in your local Community Cupboard. Someone will want it.

Crikeyalmightey · 22/04/2023 20:39

I'd rather people didn't bother than wrap up shite and call it a present.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 21:03

Crikeyalmightey · 22/04/2023 20:39

I'd rather people didn't bother than wrap up shite and call it a present.

@Crikeyalmightey EXACTLY!

OP posts:
Vee1987 · 22/04/2023 21:13

This is why I give money to relatives’ kids for them to do what they want with it: put it in their savings or buy their own plastic tat if they’re allowed to by their parents. I won’t buy it for them. I can’t help but think of the environmental impact too when I’m bought or regifted ‘stuff’ with seemingly little thought. I‘d be lying if I didn’t say I love receiving thoughtful gifts as I really do but I’d much rather a charitable donation than something I really don’t need/wouldn’t want, tbh.

Gingerkittykat · 22/04/2023 21:15

You sound quite difficult to give gifts to if you don't want stuff, but that's not a criticism as I am the same! I don't like buying books for other people since you never know exactly what they like or if they have already read something.

It's my birthday this week and people have been asking me what I want and I genuinely don't want anything so have asked for some audible vouchers. My niece baked me a banana loaf which was really thoughtful even though I'm on a diet.

Can you set up an Amazon wish list?

Growlybear83 · 22/04/2023 21:20

I would never give an unwanted present to someone else, and always just take things I don't want to the charity shop. I find it quite offensive if people give me unwanted things that other people have given them. I don't expect expensive presents from people and I'd rather they gave me a bar of chocolate that they know I like rather than giving me their unwanted crap.

blahblahblah1654 · 22/04/2023 21:21

Just politely say no. My FIL is always trying to give us crap. Well meaning but you just need to keep saying no. It doesn't have to come across as aggressive or mean.

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 21:25

Gingerkittykat · 22/04/2023 21:15

You sound quite difficult to give gifts to if you don't want stuff, but that's not a criticism as I am the same! I don't like buying books for other people since you never know exactly what they like or if they have already read something.

It's my birthday this week and people have been asking me what I want and I genuinely don't want anything so have asked for some audible vouchers. My niece baked me a banana loaf which was really thoughtful even though I'm on a diet.

Can you set up an Amazon wish list?

I would honestly rather be given nothing than something that is being palmed off on me because someone wants it out of their house!

A wishlist is a good idea. They might not like that as they would have to spend some money as opposed to rewrapping something they were given.

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 22/04/2023 21:25

Could you cut down on the effort you make in gifts for the people who regift to you? I have a stock of "standard" gifts for people like that. Definitely say no to the baking if she makes a habit of it, or if it's not very frequent just bin it straight away. I learned to get over the "waste guilt" because my DM has a terrible habit of palming off food to me when I visit. I have told her I don't want it but she carries on. Much easier to take it and bin it.

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 21:26

GrumpyPanda · 22/04/2023 19:14

You lost me when you got to the "boys pyjamas" for your DD. The shock! The horror! What exactly is the issue here - they're going to make her grow a penis?

Same. I was with you til then OP.

LittleMG · 22/04/2023 21:26

I’m with you OP it’s a piss take! My SIL does it to me, just gives me shit because she feels like she has to but I’m obviously not worth an actual thought. At least she stopped buying me presents that suggest I’m fat 🫠

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 21:27

giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 19:50

@Sacmagique75 A thoughtful gift would be a candle which I love, a book or something such as plant a tree, charity gifts etc,

Show quote history

I would absolutely hate a charity gift - there was a craze of donating goats at one point

Original poster
giftdilemma · 22/04/2023 21:27

blahblahblah1654 · 22/04/2023 21:21

Just politely say no. My FIL is always trying to give us crap. Well meaning but you just need to keep saying no. It doesn't have to come across as aggressive or mean.

It would be easier if it was just stuff being given and I could say no. But it is wrapped gifts for occasions rather than just stuff in a bag which would be easier to refuse.

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 22/04/2023 21:30

I don't know why people are in one breath explaining that they understand what their friends like and gift accordingly, and then in the next basically say but you couldn't possibly understand this?

YANBU.

And FWIW it's not a case of being 'difficult' to buy for. Friends and family are capable of opening their mouths and asking, or by taking note of things a person has in their home.

I swear some people just enjoy being contrary and arguing the toss.

JudgeRudy · 22/04/2023 21:31

DannyZukosSmile · 22/04/2023 19:09

First of all I regift too but if I know the person would like the gift and it suits them.

You lost the argument with THIS line in your opening post @giftdilemma YABVVU.

I disagree. If OP is gifted some bath soaks eg but she knows friend A loves Vanilla & Friescia gift to her. If friend B is into wildlife, give her the otter placemats. What's happening here is someone's thinking Oh bugger, it's GDs birthday this coming Monday. Now I could go into town and have a look in that little boutique for a silk scarf I know she'd like......or I could just wrap up these left over biscuits from Xmas that no-one wanted...maybe those 4 serviettes too. We won't use them. It won't hurt that there's 6 people in GDs family or she has diabetes. It'll save me a walk into town'.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/04/2023 21:35

You sounds perfectly reasonable in everything, apart from one thing. The children’s clothes.

If you have any storage space (loft, understairs cupboard, eves or anything) just put it aside until she’s older. It’ll pass in no time. “Boys” PJs are perfectly reasonable for a girl - what makes them boys’ anyway? And PJs aren’t even seen by the outside world. I have bought my Dd PJs from the boys section at her request many times.

Restforabit · 22/04/2023 21:40

How big is your house that you could store six years worth of children’s clothes, @GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing !?

My ILs do this with clothes, and toys. They mean well but we do have limited storage here and it’s pointless having the house filled with clothes and toys the kids can’t wear for years and years.