Teacher acting differently now towards us

[Underthenorthernskies]

I had some issues with some things at school for my dd, 4.
I’m very much not *That mum at school,
I’m always friendly at school and am quite shy and hate confrontation.
There was an issue that was making dd very upset and I’d discussed it with the teacher (in a nice way) many times and sent emails to follow up, from Dh too. Nothing changed and I felt I had no option but to book a meeting with the head. The teacher asked me about it and I explained why I felt the need to go to the head. It was an awkward and embarrassing situation and we seemed to finally sort things out between us and I cancelled the appointment with the head.
Since then, I’ve noticed a shift, she’s polite but not the same with me and seems dismissive of Dd.
I've just received her most recent report via email and it’s different to previous ones, very brief and not positive or encouraging in any way.
I’m a former teacher and have in the past worked with some teachers who have taken things out on the children, in a very subtle way, if there have been problems with parents etc.
The majority of teachers I worked with were fantastic and many of my best friends are teachers, but sadly, it does happen.
Just feeling a bit upset/pissed off about this.
Aibu to feel this may be happening?

at our school ‘sitting on the bench’ is what they do when they have finished with their lunch. It’s not a punishment just where they go when they’re done. Could it just be this?

@IKnowItsNotMine Sadly, I’ve witnessed it happening in the past amongst colleagues…I have considered that this makes me more paranoid about it happening, but there’s a definite change.
I don’t care if she doesn’t like me, it doesn’t make me feel great, but I do worry how Dd is treated, whilst I’m not around.

As a teacher, you will know that a lot of teachers are great but others can be a bit rubbish. My son’s Yr1 teacher was so bad that I couldn’t face seeing her at parents eve, so I pretended that I had to work. I knew I would struggle to be polite. I gritted my teeth until we got to year two, when he got a fantastic teacher. They have been pretty good since then.

From a 4 yo perspective that will always feel like a punishment. And I think the school knows that.

I wouldn't be too bothered about
what the teacher thinks. Your DD is very young and there's little damage that a crap teacher can do in the last few weeks of term.
🤷🏻‍♀️
Presumably your DD will have a different teacher next year?

I remember your previous post about your daughter. I am sorry it is turning out like this. The fact that the teacher consistently ignored you for so long is a pretty good indicator that your concerns about her current treatment of your daughter are valid. The teacher didn't take you seriously, then didn't take the doctor's advice seriously. Not a good sign.

What are you going to do about it, do you think?

Just because she doesn't like you doesn't mean she doesn't like your child. And why would it be unprofessional for a head to speak to the teacher about the appointment you requested? If you're a teacher surely you knew that they'd say "x has asked for an appointment, can you fill me in?".

Maybe if teachers want to keep their jobs they should avoid forcefeeding children whose parents have repeatedly asked them not to for medical reasons?

Treading carefully would be ensuring they follow the parent's requests. Taking revenge for their own incompetence by treating the child dismissively can in no way be construed as "treading carefully". It sounds more like an unprofessional attitude from someone who shouldn't be working with children.

Where are you that children are punished for not eating? Sounds horrendous

@Sugargliderwombat A little strange/unprofessional for the class teacher to approach me to ask what I was having a meeting about with the head. It could have been anything, not related to her at all, it was very awkward and put me on the spot really.

I'd probably re book that meeting with the head - the class teacher has behaved appallingly and the change in behaviour is a huge red flag.

It was probably more unprofessional of the head teacher to tell the class teacher about the meeting. Unless the head specifically told her and asked her to check with you if there was anything they could help with first.

Don't ever worry about being 'that parent'.
Your kid only has you to fight their corner so you can't care too much what the teacher thinks.

OK, so this teacher is a bit more distant and professional with you, that's fine. Just be polite back. Keep an eye on your DD - if the lunch time issues have resolved and she is happy to go to school then great.
Any more problems go straight to the Head.

Are you in Spain? I taught in Spain and found 'comedor' duty deeply unsettling. Children are routinely force fed and soothed materially as they gag and vomit. Hated it.

Without knowing what the issue is, it's impossible say.

And yes, multiple emails to her and conversations then going over her head to her boss without telling her means you are 'That parent.'

*maternally

Sorry, just read your update on page 2.

This is a medical problem, not a teacher problem!

That’s great that you pursued a better outcome for your DC in spite of obstacles.

The widespread fear of being (seen as) ‘That Parent’ does worry me tbh. Sure there’s a type ….

But most parents that raise an issue actually aren’t That Parent and, worse, many don’t dare raise issues that should be addressed, due to the very fear you describe OP - that the teacher will take it out on your DC. Weaponising parent’s vulnerability when it comes to their DC’s well-being. And actually, when our instincts are serving us - other peoples’ DC too!! I was once thanked by another mother for reporting a classroom incident I observed (before official school start) that impacted her daughter. She knew something had happened to DD but couldn’t get to the bottom of it until I told her what I’d observed.

How did you deal with it professionally when your saw it subtly taken out on pupils?

Unfortunately, the teachers at the school has to take responsibility for looking after her child 6 hours a day.

It’s so funny how people use ‘that parent’ as the ultimate insult on here as if being well-liked by any schoolteacher you might come across is a commonly held key social priority.

I can understand if you haven’t given the head teacher a reason for wanting to meet that they may have asked the class teacher for a heads up as to why you maybe want a meeting.

but it’s not right to force a kid to eat

@alyceflowers you said everything I was thinking, but more succinctly! I feel so strongly about this theme - school is very many years of our parenting life. And within that, a year is a long time too for a class teacher/child situation, if your child is upset in the evening

Blimey OP, that’s awful. Don’t blame you for wanting to go to the head. I hope your DD gets a different teacher next year. Poor wee girl.

I have learnt from experience that to me there is that parent who complains about everything and for whom the school can’t get anything right.

but that isn’t the same as being a parent who raises genuine issues that are upsetting their child and are prepared to push points that are needed to. DS can have anxiety issues (and food is a trigger) and it has involved emails/phone calls and meetings. Never passing blame and understanding that they are managing the needs of many and DS needs have to be balanced.

Making sure that your child’s needs are heard and met whilst respecting the boundaries in which schools have to work should never make you that parent.

Honestly, she sounds like a silly old drama lama…She has ignored your daughter’s medical needs and it doesn’t sound like she’s passed the info on to the lunchtime staff either. She has created this problem and rather than owning it and is now getting all stroppy about it. I would complain again about her response tbh. V unprofessional. Your poor DD 😢