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AIBU?

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Original poster

Has husband gone mad or am I terrible person?

115 replies

Whatonearth3 · 21/04/2023 20:22

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to get your take on a situation that arose this evening. We were sat having our tea with our two DC (age 1 & 2) when a car drove and parked very quickly in front of our house (our house is directly onto the street). This was followed very swiftly by a police car with two police officers jumping out and escorting all of the passengers out of the car. Two men, a woman and child came out of the car and were taken over to the police vehicle.

They were out there for a long time with the men in the back of the police car, whilst the woman and the child were let go and allowed to sit in their own car.

After around 20 mins my husband announced he was going to go out and invite the woman and child into our house whilst they waited. I said that I wasn’t comfortable with this at all, as we have no idea what they’re being arrested for or what they’re involved with. I wouldn’t want them to know who lives at our property, especially not have the knowledge that we have two very small children here.

My husband just couldn’t see my point of view at all!! He’s basically saying I’m being a horrible person. I guess I might be? Or am I in the right here?

Thanks

OP posts:
ohjeesus · 21/04/2023 22:27

Obviously im in the minority here, but what a nice empathetic man shes married to! Its nice to be nice

billy1966 · 21/04/2023 22:42

Is your husband really dim?

Because he sounds it.

Don't ever doubt yourself 🙄 with him, he has very poor judgement.

Catshaveiteasy · 21/04/2023 22:49

Why would anyone need to invite them in? If they were standing out in pouring rain or shivering in the snow maybe, but otherwise what is the concern? It was nothing whatsoever to do with you or your DH. Does he normally invite random strangers in?

LucifersLight · 21/04/2023 22:49

Your husband may be a good man but he is clearly not street-wise and is putting his whole family at danger.

AgrathaChristie · 21/04/2023 22:58

The police are there and will sort out transport for woman and child if she’s not being arrested ( when SS get called in to care for child) Leave it to them, they know what they’re dealing with, your dh does not.

ArgoBargo · 21/04/2023 23:02

I think you are both right and wrong.

I don't think there's really a safety issue for you and your family here but neither do I think that it would have been helpful to invite them into the house.

But I don't hold with the idea that one should turn your back and entirely trust the police - there are definitely circumstances in which I think it is the responsible thing to do to hold the police to account - remember the miners strike of the battle of the beanfield as extreme examples of institutional failure and abuse on the part of the police - but what you describe here doesn't sound like such an instance.

In this instance it sounds like the police were behaving perfectly reasonably and respectfully and the woman and children were in a safe and comfortable place so there's no need for intervention.

HernamewasNOLA · 21/04/2023 23:06

I wouldn’t invited them in. I’d maybe ask if the child wanted a drink or anything to eat though.

HernamewasNOLA · 21/04/2023 23:06

HernamewasNOLA · 21/04/2023 23:06

I wouldn’t invited them in. I’d maybe ask if the child wanted a drink or anything to eat though.

And by anything to eat I mean a few biscuits or something, not a full meal.

MayThe4th · 21/04/2023 23:10

I guarantee that if the OP had said that she was going to ask the woman and child in and her DH had said no people would be saying he had no compassion or empathy and was an arsehole and would be telling the OP what a good person she was.

While I wouldn’t have invited them in, I don’t think that the DH is all the things that people are accusing him of for wanting to do so.

BustPipes · 21/04/2023 23:13

My DP and I would both have checked to see if the woman - and particularly the child - needed anything, including coming inside to use the loo/have a cup of tea etc.

Apparently we're quite mental and foolish. I am very comfortable living with that.

justlurkinghere · 21/04/2023 23:19

Does your DH like to be the hero? Was he after an ego fix? Being willing and ready to help is a good quality, but interfering in a police situation unfolding in front of you is definitely not something I would do. You don't know what is going on or what you might be opening your door too. Unfortunately we have to be careful who we open ourselves up to.

I was in a situation last week where I wanted to help but stayed right out of it. My heart wanted to but my head knew all the reasons that was a very bad idea, so I didn't.

OrangeRock · 21/04/2023 23:31

He’s bonkers.
unsafe and the police wouldn’t have allowed you to get involved.

NatashaDancing · 21/04/2023 23:31

BustPipes · 21/04/2023 23:13

My DP and I would both have checked to see if the woman - and particularly the child - needed anything, including coming inside to use the loo/have a cup of tea etc.

Apparently we're quite mental and foolish. I am very comfortable living with that.

I might have spoken to the police to let them know that if the children needed to go the lavatory they could come in.

However beyond that I'm struggling to see what desperate situation needed to be alleviated. The were sitting in a car.

NatashaDancing · 21/04/2023 23:36

And I would only have offered that if they'd been there for a while - not 20 minutes.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 21/04/2023 23:39

I wouldn't see the point in inviting them in. They're in their car. Why would they feel better being in a strangers home than their own car?

If I was the woman I'd never go into a house a random man had just invited me into../

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 21/04/2023 23:44

AP5Diva · 21/04/2023 20:30

Your husband is a nosy Parker. He wanted to find out details.
The woman and child would not have wanted to come in and have tea.

This is what I think too 😂

NEUserNamesNotTakenJeez · 21/04/2023 23:45

No chance. If they needed anything urgently, the police were there. Say she did take him up on the offer, the nice man and nice family who looked after her, perhaps next time she's in the area she decides to pop by to say thanks. Then another time she comes round and needs some money or something to get away from the 'bad men' Or because she's ran out of food for her baby, you were so nice last time afterall. Or one of her male friends comes knocking, asking what you were doing, a man inviting a woman and his child into your home? Just not worth engaging incase any of them come back for further 'help'.

Your DH needs to know there's a time and a place and in the middle of a police chase isn't it. I'm saying that and I'm one of the nicest people you'll come across! But, my kids security trump random stranger involved with the police needing a cuppa.

Twonewcats · 21/04/2023 23:45

I havent rtft so sorry if this has all been said. No WAY would I be ok with a stranger who had been stopped by the police coming into my home.
If you were stopped by the police with one of your kids would you be happier/safer in your car or in a strange man's home? And would your DH be happy with you doing so?

Yet another example of a man not understanding boundaries and thinking things through- even though it was with the right intentions

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 21/04/2023 23:49

No way would I let them on. They might be innocent but police involvement surely means a much higher chance of them being dodgy.

Topseyt123 · 22/04/2023 00:43

No way would I have invited them in. Your DH is bonkers. You have no idea what the incident was about nor what type of people you would have been dealing with.

It's very unlikely that the police would have allowed your DH to do what he was proposing anyway. Too inappropriate and too risky. He would have been politely but firmly told to bugger off.

JMSA · 22/04/2023 00:52

I would honestly help out a stranger in most situations. But even I would have been uncomfortable with this. YANBU.

fryanddry · 22/04/2023 00:56

he is being nosey and attention seeking, the woman and child are with the police that is safe enough

Rosula · 22/04/2023 01:12

Your husband would have come over as simply being nosy. Is he in the habit of inviting random strangers he sees outside the house in? If not, you have to wonder he decided these particular strangers were more worthy of hospitality than others.

Sammy900 · 22/04/2023 01:16

Nope keep out of it

MummyNeedsADrinkDear · 22/04/2023 01:17

I'm with you op. How bizarre. It's not like they've just broken down and are awaiting assistance. They're with the police!
Tell your DH to keep his nose out!

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