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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has husband gone mad or am I terrible person?

115 replies

Whatonearth3 · 21/04/2023 20:22

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to get your take on a situation that arose this evening. We were sat having our tea with our two DC (age 1 & 2) when a car drove and parked very quickly in front of our house (our house is directly onto the street). This was followed very swiftly by a police car with two police officers jumping out and escorting all of the passengers out of the car. Two men, a woman and child came out of the car and were taken over to the police vehicle.

They were out there for a long time with the men in the back of the police car, whilst the woman and the child were let go and allowed to sit in their own car.

After around 20 mins my husband announced he was going to go out and invite the woman and child into our house whilst they waited. I said that I wasn’t comfortable with this at all, as we have no idea what they’re being arrested for or what they’re involved with. I wouldn’t want them to know who lives at our property, especially not have the knowledge that we have two very small children here.

My husband just couldn’t see my point of view at all!! He’s basically saying I’m being a horrible person. I guess I might be? Or am I in the right here?

Thanks

OP posts:
CaroleSinger · 21/04/2023 20:47

I once had a neighbour who invited a supposedly distressed woman into her house. She was so busy trying to be 'that' concerned neighbour that she didn't realise the woman had just started a fire in someone's flat and was standing outside waiting to see it burn.

Zooeyzo · 21/04/2023 20:48

Was dh being nosey and wanted to know the full story so this was his excuse?

qpmz · 21/04/2023 20:50

HappiestSleeping · 21/04/2023 20:27

I think the police are best left to do their job. Admirable sentiment from your husband, but completely the wrong scenario to apply it.

This

Bluebells1970 · 21/04/2023 20:51

Is he mad?!

NettleTea · 21/04/2023 20:51

your husband is white knighting, and its not an appropriate time to do it

He doesnt know wtf is going on, and he doesnt know wtf the man might do if he is let go and comes looking for the woman and child.

why would he want to put himself in the middle of that, and even more, why does he want to put his wife and kids into it

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 21/04/2023 20:57

No way would I either especially with 2 small babies. He is too nosy and should mind his own business and tell him that. Why would he want to get involved at all. Don't let him bully you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/04/2023 20:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Newuswr · 21/04/2023 20:57

You both are curtain twitchers. You don’t need to spend your evening eavesdropping and watching for updates like it’s a movie. Christ. As if you’ve given us a play by play account…shouldn’t you be looking after your 1 and 2 year olds?

It’s stupid for your husband to offer that when those people are safe/comfortable in their car, and when the police are still dealing with them. It’s not like they’re exposed to the elements. The police obviously haven’t told them to drive away so your husband could be interrupting by trying to get involved. Close the curtains and resume your lives.

grumpycow1 · 21/04/2023 20:58

i agree with you OP, plus the police wouldn’t thank him for it if they asked them to stay there!! A good deed might have been to offer them a tea or glass of water perhaps, or something to eat for the child.

Newuswr · 21/04/2023 20:58

Zooeyzo · 21/04/2023 20:48

Was dh being nosey and wanted to know the full story so this was his excuse?

100%

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 21/04/2023 21:01

I get it from both ways.

I would like to be the good person and invite them in so they had somewhere to wait for a bit for the kids sake but you don't know who they are and they could have been stopped for anything. I'm sure he probably would have thought differently if the kid wasn't part of it.

AliceOlive · 21/04/2023 21:03

I see both sides and would be fine either way. I think you both get a vote and since it made you uncomfortable, I voted YNBU

BringMeTea · 21/04/2023 21:04

Totally barking. YANBU.

Iwasafool · 21/04/2023 21:06

I think his heart is in the right place but commonsense would be to leave the police to sort it out.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 21/04/2023 21:08

Is she pretty?

Your op is a freaking idiot! No just no. He needs to protect his family not a random woman

Iknowthis1 · 21/04/2023 21:09

I'm sure he means well but it's completely inappropriate. Leave the police to do their job.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 21/04/2023 21:11

They weren’t stopped for being excellent drivers were they 🙄

Emmamoo89 · 21/04/2023 21:13

YADNBU X

Alaimo · 21/04/2023 21:14

I'm not one of those mumsnetters who never opens the door. I open the door when the bell rings, I walk and cycle across town alone in the dark, I've picked up hitch hikers even when I'm driving by myself. But this would be a no from me.

In your situation, and if police would allow it, I'd suggest that DP brings some water or tea to them, but no way would I invite them into my house.

Malloryhitops · 21/04/2023 21:15

YANBU - I just can’t understand why he would feel the need to invite them in 🤷‍♀️😂! Like I work on the road and often spend an hour or more sitting in my car doing admin sometimes in car parks or sometimes parked on the street. I’ve never been invited in anywhere. Raging now 😂😂

Blizzard23 · 21/04/2023 21:15

If you were alone without the babies, do what you can to help yes.
With such young babies you have to prioritise them and no I would not take any risks.

Lasouthpaw · 21/04/2023 21:16

I think it's great to be kind and to look out for others.

I don't think it's great to think you know best and that your help is always needed.

Especially if it potentially puts your own family at risk, just because you have an urge to help a stranger, in a situation you know nothing about.

I agree with you on this OP.

thehourwaslate · 21/04/2023 21:16

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/04/2023 20:47

The police would not have allowed you to anyway. Your DH sounds deranged.

Deranged? For suggesting helping a woman and child who are likely in distress? I understand reluctance in case it puts you at risk, but in itself it’s not a wild idea. Does no one have compassion anymore?

aberlot · 21/04/2023 21:16

Blizzard23 · 21/04/2023 21:15

If you were alone without the babies, do what you can to help yes.
With such young babies you have to prioritise them and no I would not take any risks.

Why did they need help?

Malloryhitops · 21/04/2023 21:17

Newuswr · 21/04/2023 20:57

You both are curtain twitchers. You don’t need to spend your evening eavesdropping and watching for updates like it’s a movie. Christ. As if you’ve given us a play by play account…shouldn’t you be looking after your 1 and 2 year olds?

It’s stupid for your husband to offer that when those people are safe/comfortable in their car, and when the police are still dealing with them. It’s not like they’re exposed to the elements. The police obviously haven’t told them to drive away so your husband could be interrupting by trying to get involved. Close the curtains and resume your lives.

Ehhh mumsnet is basically online curtain twitching, you’re doing it yourself right now 😂😂