Page 9 | to ask if literally anyone feels they are paid adequate child maintenance? I'm feeling desperate

hadenlugff · 2023-04-21T14:39:15+00:00

Just that really. I’m paid 570 but it won’t even cover half of the nursery fees let alone wrap around care and everything else. Not only that but it’s not even guaranteed so I can’t rely on it… and that’s fucking awful as I should be able to have some assurance that I won’t be left entirely to raise a child that is half someone else’s. I know people have it worse, it’s not a race to then bottom. I’m just dreading dc starting nursery in autumn and dont know how I will manage. Is anyone happy with what they get for maintenance? Ever? It feels so shit.

Beezknees · 25/04/2023 06:01

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You are.

Flowersun6 · 25/04/2023 06:10

popsypretty · 24/04/2023 22:39

Also currently we have an arrangement between ourselves, we just used the cms 20% figure to work out what he should pay when we first split. He pays me by standing order, we've never had to involve the cms thankfully. Unlike my eldest child who gets £2.60 a week for her upbringing. But that's another story 😂

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You need to be using CMS. The only time I wouldn't advise to go down that route if you were getting a decent amount. You will be seeing an actually salary, increased or decrease on your yearly reviews how do you know how to work 20% of what? What he tells you?

Heatherjayne1972 · 25/04/2023 06:31

My ex refused to pay anything- just flat out refused
cms were involved, still refused to pay / wouldn’t engage with them. They went straight to his account to remove the money and he stopped putting money in (does mostly cash in hand work apparently)
cms currently taking ( very very slow) legal action against him
meanwhile I get to pay for literally everything and he has a wonderful free life of swanning about except for Saturday afternoon when he does the Disney dad thing for 3 or 4 hours

it’s infuriating that they are allowed to get away with this

BibbleandSqwauk · 25/04/2023 06:34

@taxpayer1 whilst part of me wants to just ignore you, I'd like to ask how you'd respond to the posters on here who "got pregnant" to their husbands of some years, on good, sometimes 6 figure salaries but who have still been left to deal with things largely alone because our system does not enforce that father adequately provides for the child that is biologically 50% his. These women weren't reckless,or hasty or making poor choices. There was nothing to indicate when I had mine that ex would fuck off with ow. But he did. Why shouldn't he be equally responsible?

Tumbleweed101 · 25/04/2023 06:43

I’m lucky if he gives me anything. For a year or so recently I got £150 a month for two teenagers. His current reason is he has moved and in and out of jobs 🙄

SomePosters · 25/04/2023 07:56

£0 for 1 child for 11 years.

honestly I never chased it with cms, I was just so relieved when he finally stopped stalking me that I never want to rock that boat.

Im not bitter about it. We are doing ok but I do think that in an ideal world not financially supporting your child should be considered neglect and dealt with accordingly. However while we platform people like boris Johnson we can’t be surprised. It’s hardly in his interests to put tighter control on men spunking and walking off

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 08:59

Perhaps you should of picked a better father?

Another one. Yes, of course it has to be the woman's fault. Never mind that I lived with him and was married for years before having children with him and that he suddenly changed after the children were born. Should have used my crystal ball.

Why did you continue to have multiple kids to someone who is so immoral.

I have two children. They are twins. What exactly was I meant to do, send them back?

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 09:01

Flowersun6 · 24/04/2023 19:31

I was talking about @IAmCinderella to be bloody Frank. What utter cheek.

Really? When you're telling people they should have chosen a better father and making out that it's women's fault for not predicting that men would become abusive? Ok then.

yoga4meinthemorning · 25/04/2023 09:02

I never had a penny in all the years. Even though ex is wealthy businessman.

I got tax credits to pay for nursery.

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 25/04/2023 09:05

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popsypretty · 25/04/2023 09:25

@Flowersun6 the 20% was off his wages at the time we split, I used his payslip to work it out. He rounded it up a little to £250 and it's stayed at that for the last 5 years.

thethreemuskateers · 25/04/2023 10:22

My ex was due to pay his 100 maintenance for our 2 boys on Saturday still no sign of it.

Although I’m annoyed there’s no way I’m going to lower myself to ask him to transfer the paltry sum!

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 10:37

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins your comment was spot on and shouldn't have been deleted.

taxpayer1 · 25/04/2023 14:29

BibbleandSqwauk · 25/04/2023 06:34

@taxpayer1 whilst part of me wants to just ignore you, I'd like to ask how you'd respond to the posters on here who "got pregnant" to their husbands of some years, on good, sometimes 6 figure salaries but who have still been left to deal with things largely alone because our system does not enforce that father adequately provides for the child that is biologically 50% his. These women weren't reckless,or hasty or making poor choices. There was nothing to indicate when I had mine that ex would fuck off with ow. But he did. Why shouldn't he be equally responsible?

I never said that a father should not pay. I was replying to a hilarious comment that I was an idiot done by some man-hater MN poster. I was just highlighting the fact that I didn't choose to get pregnant from a minimum-wage man and then complain that the CMS is too low. A person on minimum wage can hardly cover his/her basic needs so it was always the case that the maintenance would be low in case of a split.

taxpayer1 · 25/04/2023 14:36

BibbleandSqwauk · 24/04/2023 17:04

@taxpayer1 you really are deeply unpleasant aren't you? Which part of @IAmCinderella's post do you have a problem with? Could you explain why you think men SHOULD be allowed to do what her and mine and so many others have done? Even if we were all awful bitches, that still wouldn't excuse them abandoning their kids, to all intents and purposes. Or would it? In your view?

I find it amusing that all posters in here are perfect human beings, martyrs, heroines, and selfless and the ex is misogynistic, narcissistic, controlling, blah blah, blah. But the truth is always somewhere in the middle. The lack of self-awareness and entitlement is mind-blowing. Very few people (men or women) are as perfect as the posters in here pretend to be.

Shanksponyorbust · 25/04/2023 14:39

£330 month for two. Been that level for about 8 years as ex moved abroad so solicitor got a court order as can’t use cms. Ex is too tight to put it up. £165 per month per child does not go far and I’m struggling.

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 14:47

The lack of self-awareness and entitlement is mind-blowing

Indeed.

Clearly some people haven't even become sufficiently capable adults to manage to purchase a mirror.

Flowersun6 · 25/04/2023 14:51

popsypretty · 25/04/2023 09:25

@Flowersun6 the 20% was off his wages at the time we split, I used his payslip to work it out. He rounded it up a little to £250 and it's stayed at that for the last 5 years.

Go through CMS.

Flowersun6 · 25/04/2023 14:58

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 09:01

Really? When you're telling people they should have chosen a better father and making out that it's women's fault for not predicting that men would become abusive? Ok then.

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OK what? I only put that commennt because you started giving me attitude saying the problem was me and how it's because my bar is low.

FFS reas your OWN comments.

Flowersun6 · 25/04/2023 14:59

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 09:01

Really? When you're telling people they should have chosen a better father and making out that it's women's fault for not predicting that men would become abusive? Ok then.

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YOU started it. Don't dish what you can't give.

I was telling you in return for your comment to me. Let's be clear, I repeat I said that yo you not others on the thread.

NCforthis123456 · 25/04/2023 15:02

I was paid £720 for our one DD4.. after a few months he claimed he moved in with his new partner who has 2 children so this reduced to £350... then after that he went self employed and now I received the princely sum of £51 a week..

He earns in excess of £75,000

It's a joke - but I have just learnt to try not to be dependent on that money and include it in my overall finances.

I hope he's proud of the wonderful father that he is to our daughter...

HelpIcantfindaname · 25/04/2023 15:10

£20 a week for one child. When he left I couldn't afford childcare so had to move her to the school I taught in. He doesn't pay anything extra. He doesn't give her much for birthdays or Xmas. He hasn't made her room at his nice...6 years till he even put curtains up, & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. She very very rarely stays at his now. (Her choice, she's 14). He doesn't earn a lot but DD is way down his list of priorities, even though she's his only child.
My first H paid nothing for our 3, in fact he didn't get a legitimate job till the youngest was 18. He always had cash in hand jobs so he didn't have to pay.
So at least I get something for DD.

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 15:43

OK what? I only put that commennt because you started giving me attitude saying the problem was me and how it's because my bar is low.

So now other posters aren't just responsible for useless men's behaviour but also responsible for yours? 😆 Woe betide anybody disagree with you because apparently that justifies you being rude and making personal comments?

Nobody forced you to write misogynistic comments just because you didn't agree with my opinion that you were wrong to assert that if an absent parent finds it difficult to meet half of the cost of raising their child that is their problem to solve and that setting the payment threshold at the level they feel they can pay comfortably with no detrimental impact on their life" is too low, given the resident parent has no such option. That is, objectively and based on systems in comparable countries, an extremely low bar.

Me having pointed that out doesn't entitle you to heap vitriol on me and other mothers and imply that we are to blame for the behaviour of the men who walked out on their children and do not do their share of parenting, practically or financially. And then pretend huge levels of offence and assert that someone disagreeing with you justifies personal attacks on other mothers?

One has nothing to do with the other. Totally irrational. 🙄

IAmCinderella · 25/04/2023 15:46

YOU started it. Don't dish what you can't give.

How old are you?

This is a discussion.

People may disagree with you and point out flaws in your reasoning. That does not mean it's ok for you to start making personal comments about the lives specific posters who you know nothing about. Why do you have to insult people who don't agree with you? How childish.

BibbleandSqwauk · 25/04/2023 16:10

@taxpayer1 nowhere have I or any of the other single mothers on here said we are perfect. However, facts are facts. We are doing the day in day out care for our children, which we assumed we'd be sharing with the fathers as we did not have a random shag with a stranger. We are also shouldering the vast majority of the cost, while taking a massive hit to our own long term careers and futures. Our exes are paying either diddly or the legal minimum and doing fuck all meaningful parenting. Certainly in my case, my ex chose to leave, move away and move in with his affair partner. He reduced his income. I would very happily hand him 50/50 but he doesn't want it. Please tell me WHY you think, given those objective facts, that I shouldn't feel that I am morally in the right and he's not.