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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I feel like giving up driving lessons. AiBU to ask if there are any seemingly everyday life tasks that feel beyond you?

103 replies

drivinghell · 21/04/2023 12:36

I just need company and hand hold in my misery really. I have been trying to learn to drive, and it's driving me crazy. I am not usually this dense and learning quick and well. But this is just absolutely making me feel like shit about myself. I am actually staying up at night stressed about it. We recently moved to a place where I need to drive everywhere and I really didn't think it would be a big deal to learn. I feel so stupid and just useless.

Help me feel better about myself please and of course any tips are welcome.

Can you share anything that makes you feel like this in solidarity?

OP posts:

PortiasBiscuit · 21/04/2023 12:38

Playing the piano, I’m 58, I have been having lessons for nearly 4 years, I am beyond shit.
Nor everyone is fitted out to do everything OP, be kind to yourself

ymemanresu · 21/04/2023 12:40

Try an automatic? I can't drive a manual

PrinceHaz · 21/04/2023 12:41

I learnt at the age of 36. My advice is to just keep going, just do lesson after lesson after lesson if you can afford 1 or 2 lessons a week.
I spent many more weeks than most people do and swapped to a better instructor.
I only took my test when I was absolutely ready and passed first time. Driving was never natural to me but now it’s part of my ‘muscle memory’. I can do it, but couldn’t explain how. Love driving now and it’s given me lots of freedom.

Plump82 · 21/04/2023 12:43

OP you're doing better than me. I can't even pluck up the courage to take one lesson. I know I'll be shit and now it's got beyond thinking that and just having no confidence. You can do it!

Beowulfa · 21/04/2023 12:47

I hated driving and was rubbish at it. My mum nagged me to continue after a few failed tests (she doesn't drive and it's quite a hindrance where my parents live), with the argument "once you've got it, they can't take it away from you" (barring a criminal offence of course!). I did eventually pass and have never driven, but the document is there if needed. It's useful as a form of photo ID.

I was a student at the time, and had a set of lessons with a different instructor in the big city where I studied. I think this sharpened my skills when I took the test in my more rural home area. So trying a different instructor/area might be worth a try.

yogacushions · 21/04/2023 12:48

Go auto !!!!

HappyValerie · 21/04/2023 12:52

Keep going - took me four attempts to pass.

Like me you’re not a natural driver, doesn’t mean you can’t do. It will gradually get easier and you will get there.

Maybe try an automatic and a different instructor.

Askil · 21/04/2023 12:54

PortiasBiscuit · 21/04/2023 12:38

Playing the piano, I’m 58, I have been having lessons for nearly 4 years, I am beyond shit.
Nor everyone is fitted out to do everything OP, be kind to yourself

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! really you are not.

Coolhwip · 21/04/2023 12:56

How many lessons have you had?

I had tonnes of lessons. Now I’m an amazing driver. I also beat males relatives/friends when we go go karting, I am fearless there lol

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 21/04/2023 12:59

Learning to drive is the hardest thing I've ever done and it took me four attempts to pass my test. Stick with it as it is well worth it. Driving an automatic may help too.

TallulahBetty · 21/04/2023 13:00

I'm not a natural driver (DF and DH are, so don't "get it") and it took me many many lessons and 2 tests to pass.

However, it is true that it is like muscle memory - you won't feel like this forever, once you pass.

Perhaps a change of instructor would help? I didn't click with my first.

BrendaHope · 21/04/2023 13:01

OP I hated learning to drive. It only got better for me when I found the right instructor. He was very relaxed, kept things really simple/ to the minimum I needed to know.

ISpyCobraKai · 21/04/2023 13:04

Auto, I drive one and its completely effortless.

MitchellMummy · 21/04/2023 13:04

Don't give up! Try another instructor ... it may be that the one (or more) you've tried just don't teach in the style you would learn best in. Try an automatic too as they're much easier. Good luck!

RagingWoke · 21/04/2023 13:05

I failed 8 driving tests before I finally passed. Almost gave up so many times, but 15 years on in so happy I stuck with it because now I don't understand public transport.

SpringLobelia · 21/04/2023 13:05

Deffo try an automatic and a new driving instructor.

I can't work out the soap pump handle thingies. I just unscrew the whole lot and pour soap into my hand.

I'm 50 and I have 3 postgrad degrees. Fucked if I know how to sort out the soap dispenser.

FrostyFifi · 21/04/2023 13:07

OP I'm sure you're better than I was. I hated every second, would come home drenched in sweat. I have ASD and dyspraxia. I did consider trying an automatic but given that I also had massive panic attacks when trying to drive on faster roads I decided that it was probably best all round if I accepted it as not something for me.

Boopydoo · 21/04/2023 13:09

I remember being several lessons in and thinking my god how the hell do people do this, so many things to think about.
How the hell am I meant to learn where all the gears are without looking and remember to dump the clutch, all whilst also moving one foot off one pedal onto another whilst at the same time looking around me and in the mirrors, switching on indicators, cancelling indicators, turning the steering wheel, keeping your wits about you regarding pedestrians and what random action they may take next let alone the other drivers who seem to hate your very presence. I was strangely good at the manoeuvres straight off, reversing, parallel parking, three point turns etc, it was the driving on the roads with other people around that made me panic.
Arrgghhhh I thought and nearly gave up. But I pressed on, first instructor made me feel more anxious than I already was, so found another one who I felt relaxed with. Passed on my second test. Still driving now, eventually you jump in the car and just do it all without thinking it just takes time and practice. Good luck!

NaomiS1 · 21/04/2023 13:10

Another vote for automatic! So much easier!

Georgeandzippyzoo · 21/04/2023 13:10

Mine was driving! Took me yrs (not continuously)!

I started when I first started teaching and could afford it until we bought our house and had to pack in. I believe I could have passed with that instructor, she was very relaxed and no pressure.
I then over the yrs had 4 different male instructors . 1st and 3rd were bloody a-holes. The first I did 2 lessons although I'd paid for 5 totally arrogant and belittling. The 3rd was an ex policemean who couldn't accept I could be nervous andbtalked about going for my test and i knew i was no way ready. I packed in when I started waking on lesson days absolutely sobbing with anxiety, and I'm.normally a confident person who didn't show emotions.
I knew as soon as I started with the 4th he was good for me, my sister had passed with him a few months earlier. Had about 8 lessons and happily put in for my test a few weeks later and passed first time.
I enjoy driving now, have gone right round the country and really wish I had done it earlier, it would have saved me lots of travelling times, bus connections etc for work.
One thing I struggled with was understanding WHY you had to do certain things, HOW it worked etc. The instructor would tell me yo give me the knowledge and then say 'but you don't need to know why, just how'. Apparently teachers can be bad learners!

Good luck. I know its possible cos I did it eventually but you really need to be comfortable with your instructor.

WhatHoMarjorie · 21/04/2023 13:11

Another person saying go automatic (if you haven't already). Nearly all cars will be automatic in the near future so just save yourself the hassle and forget the gear stick.

RedEyeBaby · 21/04/2023 13:14

Piano
Diving into a pool
Cartwheels and handstands
Most non-missionary positions

The thing with driving is you have to keep at it without having time away from it. I failed 4 times and wanted to give up but my mother insisted I try one more time.

Then I didn't drive for a while as I couldn't afford it and was very nervous and had to have some top up refresher lessons. But the pressure was off as I'd already passed my test.

DRS1970 · 21/04/2023 13:16

There was someone posting on MN the other day who had failed their test for the ninth time! So if you are just starting out and struggling it can't be anything near as bad as that can it?

Fivebyfive2 · 21/04/2023 13:16

I can't drive op! I tried for ages but it just wouldn't click at all and I'd get so stressed out!! Also the cost of buying/insuring/running a car is something that seems pointless if driving just made me feel sick with stress. I'm 34 and don't drive, I live in a small village but the buses aren't bad so I walk or get the bus.

Neededanewuserhandle · 21/04/2023 13:17

YANBU I was lucky with driving but I am shit at a lot of everyday things many others find a piece of piss.

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