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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel like giving up driving lessons. AiBU to ask if there are any seemingly everyday life tasks that feel beyond you?

103 replies

drivinghell · 21/04/2023 12:36

I just need company and hand hold in my misery really. I have been trying to learn to drive, and it's driving me crazy. I am not usually this dense and learning quick and well. But this is just absolutely making me feel like shit about myself. I am actually staying up at night stressed about it. We recently moved to a place where I need to drive everywhere and I really didn't think it would be a big deal to learn. I feel so stupid and just useless.

Help me feel better about myself please and of course any tips are welcome.

Can you share anything that makes you feel like this in solidarity?

OP posts:
Defenders · 21/04/2023 13:17

How long have you been learning to drive and do you practice outside of lessons?

Caiti19 · 21/04/2023 13:19

My advice on the driving is don't give up! Also, take an intensive weekend course where a lot of learning happens over a short amount of time. But whatever you do, don't give up! Keep pushing on and post back here when you pass your test - WHICH YOU WILL DO EVENTUALLY I PROMISE YOU.

Choconut · 21/04/2023 13:21

I know someone who thought they'd never drive as they just couldn't do it. Then they did a week long intensive course in an automatic and passed with no problems.

brianixon · 21/04/2023 13:23

Are Intensive courses still available? They were good. Know someone who learned and enjoyed driving after, not a chore.
I can drive all vehicles, just take to it. But
I wish I could get a decent game of snooker, not win but make a game of it for my opponent.

RobinsEggBlue · 21/04/2023 13:24

I took an absolute age to learn to drive- you just need to keep going. Things got better for me when I did two lessons a week on consecutive days. Cost me an absolute fortune (as had to pay for extra childcare too) but passed on my second attempt (after four instructors and 18 months of lessons!). If I can do it you can too!!

TeeBee · 21/04/2023 13:29

Mine is driving abroad...not only not knowing where I'm going but also driving on the other side of the road. However, I force myself to do it because I hate being nervous of things or shying away from things. I'll keep plugging at it until I stop being nervous about it.

hurtytooth · 21/04/2023 13:30

OP, I passed my test when I was 30 after three failed attempts! I felt like such an idiot...I have postgrad qualifications and a very stressful job but I flapped every time I got in a car. I very nearly gave up but I knew that I'd regret it if I did.

I just took the pressure off myself and decided I'd keep going and not apply for my test until I felt as confident as possible. 4th time passed with two minors.

The feeling of not just passing but also knowing I kept on going was amazing! It'll be worth it. 😊

XelaM · 21/04/2023 13:30

yogacushions · 21/04/2023 12:48

Go auto !!!!

This. Automatic is SO much easier to learn than manual. It's almost like driving one of those little cars at the fair. All you have to do is press a pedal (gas or brake) and steer.

I have a manual licence but only drive automatic. I don't think I remember how to drive a manual anymore.

MadisonAvenue · 21/04/2023 13:35

I’m with you OP. I’ve had 70 bastard lessons now, still haven’t got a test date, and I’m getting so frustrated. I hate lessons, I have one every Wednesday but from Sunday the thought of the next one starts playing on my mind.

I passed my theory last August, asked for my instructor’s number so I could book my practical and not get a test clash but he said I wasn’t ready. Still says the same. I’ve enquired about changing instructors but all of the recommended ones (mine is recommended too, and taught both of our sons) have long waiting lists, a friend’s son turned 17 last July and is still on waiting lists so it’s not easy to do in our area without taking a long break and in the meantime my theory pass is running out.

Thing is, I can drive. I drive confidently in my own car when I practice, my husband says I drive better than one of our sons did when he took him out in the weeks before his test and he passed first time. I’ve actually realised that I really enjoy driving.

I had a lesson earlier in the week, just as I was getting out of the car at the end my instructor said my driving was “iffy”. Why didn’t he pick me up on any issues while I was driving? It’s really knocked my confidence because I didn’t drive any differently to how I usually do, and actually felt it’d been a good lesson up until that point so it’s really got me questioning myself.

Itdjgsurchg · 21/04/2023 13:35

Keep going! It took me 3 different instructors, years of stopping and starting and lots of tears but I managed to pass first time. Finding a good, supportive instructor but somebody who pushed me and encouraged me to keep going was the thing that really helped me. It’s so hard because it’s not something you can go practice on your own.

My new thing now is skiing. I took 3 lessons on a dry slope and gave up. I really want to be able to go skiing with my family but I am so uncoordinated and lack confidence. I hate being in a lesson with people watching but it’s not something you can learn or practice on your own, unless you live in a mountainous area I suppose.

ChickenRat · 21/04/2023 13:39

Are you in the UK? If so where?

I work for a driving school and we specialise in helping people who feel like you do about driving. If you're near us we may be able to help

user1471554720 · 21/04/2023 13:39

I have asd and am anxious e.g. i couldn't do forward roll at school climb a ladder etc.

I learned at 23. I bought my own car, had weekly lessons. I drove each day for half a hour as soon as I was reasonably able to drive. This relaxed me on the roads. I practiced what I learned. Got my test after 23 lesson. Took me 6 months. After this I drove for half an hour Mon to Fri. When I took 2 weeks hols abroad, I felt odd getting back to driving but kept at it.

The key is to drive somewhere, even local, at least 5 days a week for a few years. Even after this you need to drive at least twice a week.

Mercy1968 · 21/04/2023 13:40

OP if it makes you feel better I m a good driver, been driving 30 years but this week my car needs a new alternator and while that's being done I need to take the bus.
I can't read bus timetables and understand them!

I m a qualified counsellor and deal with serious problems at school all day but no can't work out buses or what stop to catch the right one.

PlacedelaConcorde · 21/04/2023 13:47

It took me ages and ages to learn to drive. I think it's much harder when your an adult rather than 18 because you've grown out of that teenage feeling of being indestructible so being in control of a car is absolutely terrifying.

I struggle with unlocking doors- for some reason is find it really challenging to turn the key without pulling it out of the lock at the same time. If there's also simultaneous handle waggling needed I'm completely scuppered.

Mortimercat · 21/04/2023 13:48

It took me a long time and three tests to pass. Normally things come easily to me, it is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am by glad that I persevered. Keep at it.

Fudgewomble · 21/04/2023 13:52

I genuinely think I would struggle to learn to drive as an adult. I learnt at 15 (overseas) and didn’t stop to think about it but now I would be terrified. As per PP - automatic all the way! I had to drive a manual hire car last year and it required SO much more concentration than what I was used to.

what can’t I master? Anything other than a bog standard turn the key turn the handle door or window. Any holiday house or hotel I simply cannot work out anything but the most basic latches or catches. Once was trapped inside a holiday house until DH got home as I couldn’t figure out any of the doors.

Kindofcrunchy · 21/04/2023 13:53

OP I had loads of lessons from when I turned 19 to when I passed my test at 33. I failed 3 times and was astonished when I passed the 4th time, I was sure I'd failed again. My instructor was shit, he said "surely you've had a baby, driving should be a piece of cake" - no mate, having a baby is entirely different, you only do it once and it doesn't put other people's lives at risk!! Just keep at it and you'll pass eventually, it doesn't matter how many times you fail.

skyfalldown · 21/04/2023 13:54

Getting my master's degree was a breeze compared to passing my driving test 😁

I'm an intelligent woman and (I think) a decent driver but my nerves went into absolute overdrive. Sleepless nights, many tears, upset stomach, trips to the toilet, you name it.

Could you afford an intensive course? After many many attempts, sitting my test after an intensive 2-day course is what finally pushed me over the line. And I passed in a manual. If you don't have an issue with gears, then I wouldn't bother switching to an automatic personally.

Please don't give up! If I can pass, anyone can!

LuvSmallDogs · 21/04/2023 13:54

I've had a couple of attempts at learning to drive, but I'd get so nervous about controlling something that could kill someone that all the learning and advice from the instructor would get forgotten (my memory always goes to hell when I'm amped up).

I ultimately decided that rather than throw money at forcing myself through the tests to put a panicky driver on the roads who would probably never enjoy driving, to just make sure to always live somewhere that most day to day things could be taken care of on foot, supplemented by public transport when needed.

Elvira2000 · 21/04/2023 13:58

Another one saying - go for an automatic. In fact i have no idea why people bother with manuels anymore. Way too much hassle and the fuel efficiency is the same now (I believe).

But to answer the OP: understanding DH's language. In fact to the point where i wonder if I have language processing problems. I speak it nearly fluently, can write it well (university level) and can read novels, textbooks, even the bloody TV subtitles. But I literally can not follow or understand people speaking. Gets me really upset. Makes it impossible to form relationships as i live in the country.

Lolly86 · 21/04/2023 14:02

Switch to auto- best thing I did.

Natsku · 21/04/2023 14:02

As I discovered the other day, I can't seem to pump up a bloody bike tyre!

I also can't drive but recently decided I just have to learn. I've been studying the theory for a few weeks now and I've got my first driving lesson on Monday and I'm so nervous about it. Struggling with the theory stuff too even though I'm usually a quick learner with theoretical stuff. My driving school has an online portal to study on and there's level tests you have to pass and I kept getting the same questions wrong over and over (mainly yielding questions) and couldn't figure out why, but then I found a section where I could do a practice theory test and then it explains why my wrong answers are wrong and now its starting to make more sense (except I still don't know when you're supposed to yield to cyclists)

Moonandstars90 · 21/04/2023 14:05

I know exactly how you feel! I started to learn to drive when I was 18 in a manual, really struggled with anxiety when it came to tests and failed several times due to silly mistakes that I never made on my lessons. I ended up giving up just before going to university.

I’m now 32 and have a 3 year old. My husband cannot drive due to having a hereditary eye condition which limits his field of vision and causes night blindness, so I knew it was down to me to pass. I started again last year in an automatic and passed in November. I was so shocked when the examiner said I’d passed. It had become this huge thing that I never thought I’d achieve.

I’d really recommend trying an automatic if you haven’t already. It allows you more thinking time when approaching roundabouts etc and made it much less stressful for me.

Good luck with your lessons, and keep going. You will pass! 😊

earearearear · 21/04/2023 14:05

Have you tried watching youtube videos? I struggled and never got the hang of it with my instructor but I watched Ashley Neal's driving videos and they really helped me to understand exactly what I should be doing and when. I was never comfortable with my instructor as I didn't like being watched, so driving with a family member regularly was really good too.
As for what's beyond me, never got the hang of swimming and I'm shit at cooking, even eggs end up a disaster 😩

Mamoun · 21/04/2023 14:09

I learn at 30. Failed 3 times, my sense of space and direction is terrible and I never thought I could be a driver. I was amazed that so many people can do it.

I did pass and I love it. Drove to France on my own with kids in the back twice.