I feel like giving up driving lessons. AiBU to ask if there are any seemingly everyday life tasks that feel beyond you?

[drivinghell]

I just need company and hand hold in my misery really. I have been trying to learn to drive, and it's driving me crazy. I am not usually this dense and learning quick and well. But this is just absolutely making me feel like shit about myself. I am actually staying up at night stressed about it. We recently moved to a place where I need to drive everywhere and I really didn't think it would be a big deal to learn. I feel so stupid and just useless.

Help me feel better about myself please and of course any tips are welcome.

Can you share anything that makes you feel like this in solidarity?

I think the right instructor is key . My daughter took a few lessons pre covid and it was hopeless , she has CFS and anxiety and we just stopped . She decided to try again last year , we got recommendations for instructors and had to wait until late January this year for the one we selected and it’s been brilliant . She is still anxious but she’s passed her theory , got a test booked for a couple of months time and is out practicing with me a few times a week . We were tempted to go automatic but our cars are all manuals as I prefer them so we are sticking with it .

I'm struggling with learning to drive...in an auto. Basically I could definitely do it if there were about 80% less cars on the roads...

I always tell people to go for it when it comes to driving. It took me years, many many hours, hundreds of pounds but I passed. After I passed, I didn't need a car so I let years slip by and got more afraid of driving. It became the elephant in the room. Eventually, I was able to practise in a trusted friends car, got more confident and started doing little journeys. I worked up to motorways, now I drive probably upwards of 300 miles a week. I would never had believed it possible 10 years ago. I was beyond shit for a long time- I had instructors who used to shout at me and my own dad told me I'd never drive as I was useless! Wrong!😆

Could I recommend an intensive course? I took one and the day to day experience really helped make it 'stick'. I was not ready to take my test at the end, however through this I met an instructor who was very friendly, patient and fantastic and I passed with him. Also, book 2 hour lessons instead of 1 if you can afford it. Longer lesson, more time to practise. I'd also recommend pass plus (if it still exsits!). Basically any extra driving experience you can. You can do it! Honestly! Good luck x

Another one saying to learn automatic! If I had learnt in manual I would still be learning now!!

I passed my test at 33, was a ball of nerves and wanted to give up. Eventually it just clicked. You can do it!

It took me ages and ages to learn to drive as well- I was doing lessons for several years, and even then when my driving instructor gently suggested I book my test as 'something to work towards' I felt like I was miles off. Don't be polite, if this instructor isn't working for you then find someone else. At first I had a gruff old instructor who'd been doing it for years and he made me feel so stupid- he'd clearly forgotten how hard it can be to learn to drive. I switched to a lovely lady instructor who specialised in nervous drivers- it made a world of difference. I wasn't particularly a nervous driver as such, but her gentler approach seemed to help somehow. One of the lovely things she did was offer 90 minute lessons- I realised an hour wasn't enough because it took me so long to get into the swing of things, and two hours was way too long because I was bamboozled and exhausted from concentrating so hard.
Also don't forget, you're finding it hard because it IS really hard! You're multi tasking massively; trying to read the road, stay safe, be alert, AND operate this complicated machine. We generally don't learn anything this complicated once we leave childhood, so it can take quite a while to develop the muscle memory and co-ordination to do it competently. I know it feels like it will never click but it really will click eventually with practice.
I laboured to pass my test in a manual, but I really wish I hadn't. My lovely husband could tell I was overwhelmed, and bought a tiny, old automatic car for me and got parking sensors fitted. It was SO much easier. I've never looked back nor owned a manual car since. At first I was resistant because I felt like a failure, but his attitude was why make life more difficult? The important thing was to get driving, which this little car enabled me to do. The other kind thing he did was to say 'don't worry, it's an older car, if you prang it that's why we bought it'. I never did, but him saying that really helped somehow.
Finally, I wish I could remember the title of it, but I ordered a great book from Amazon with psychological tips to help learner drivers. I remember it helped me enormously, maybe do a search for something similar that gets good reviews?

I can't swim. I am happy with one of the noodle floats and will bob around happily for ages with a noodle. I like to rest my head on the middle and have the ends under my arm pits and I will float around on my back for ages. I really enjoy being in the pool with a noodle. Take my noodle away and its a different story. I have had many, many lessons over the years, but I just cannot do it.

I have had various piano/keyboard lessons over the years, but can't get to grips with that either.

Never had singing lessons - but was told to mime by the music teacher when I was in the chorus of a school production.

I do drive, but I couldn't say I actually enjoy it - in fact, if I could live my life and never have to drive again I wouldn't miss it. It took me three attempts to pass. But it is something that does make my life easier, generally, so stick at it.

What about one of those intensive courses? Some people find them helpful.

I learnt at the age of 50. I'd raised a family and my husband could drive and somehow we could never find the money for lessons for me. I would heartily recommend it and encourage you to persevere. When I passed I actually kissed the examiner 😂 It was absolutely the best thing I ever did! I'm disabled and it gives me such freedom! I can't walk very far at all, and my car opens up a whole world of possibilities to me. Wheelchair and crutches in the back and I'm off! Love it! So friend, don't give up. Gather all your courage, deep breath, try again

Won't all cars be driverless in the future anyway.

People might not need yo take a test?

Thank you so much! You made me smile in an otherwise gloomy day!

Hi ya, started just before covid. My first instructor was amazing. Then subsequent lockdowns meant a long break. The second one was terrible, a bully. I had to stop. Then I had a baby and couldn't continue immediately after section. So it has been a long stressful journey. I just felt so spectacularly shitty today as I was getting basic things wrong. It was just a bad day!

You are so kind. Thank you. I promise, I will post back.

Thank you. This gives me hope.

OMG, this is like you are talking about my life right now. All of it resonates so much. I have my fingers crossed for you. Change instructor and keep going. Even as I feel shitty about myself, I still know that much is true.

Hey ya, I am in East Sussex.

I failed five times I was hopeless. Now I drive big vans for a living, don't have to think about it. Keep going, it's shit: it was one of the biggest challenges in my life but once your over the hurdle your over it.

I can't change a tyre
I can't do anything under the bonnet
I struggle with some light bulbs sometimes
I can't do flat pack furniture
I can't put up shelves
I can't even put air in the tyres

I'm good at many things but diy and anything fiddly I'm hopeless

Thank you everyone for the lovely comments, suggestions and solidarity. It helps to hear all those stories.

I learned to drive at 17 and passed just before my 18th birthday.

I actually hated learning to drive and was terrified of it. I dreaded my 17th birthday and had many sleepless nights in the run up to it as I knew my Dad would be taking me out in his own car to start learning (my parents were initially very reluctant to pay for an instructor for me). That made me even more terrified of it because a) he found driving easy and I don't think he really grasped why it worried me, and b) he was such an utter perfectionist and would get very het up (often shouting) if the tiniest thing wasn't spot on. I'm very grateful to my Dad that he gave me so much of his time but it wasn't our finest hour and caused a lot of tension. I did eventually get a driving instructor too, which helped enormously to build confidence. Fortunately, I passed my test first time as I don't think I could have faced doing it again and might well have just given up.

I'm glad I did learn to drive, but I didn't enjoy one second of it. I am 56 now and although I do drive I have never taken naturally to it and tend to stay on my patch. I don't like driving much but it is necessary where we live. I drive as little as I can get away with, and almost never long distances. I drove a couple of times abroad and on the right but was an absolute nervous wreck. I will never do that again.

Window cleaning.
It’s impossible.
When I realised that I couldn’t do it I decided to employ a professional.
Even he leaves the odd smear.
That’s when I knew it was impossible.

It took me about 4 years to learn and I passed on my 4th test. I was young and sometimes wouldn't bother with my lessons but I did keep at it and passed at the age of 26. Certain things like reversing around a corner used to make me cry. I was not natural but 16 years later it's easy as pie.

Learning to drive isn’t easy. Took me over a year before my instructor said I was ready to go for my license and I barely squeaked through the test (I was driving too slowly because I was terrified of going over the limit). I was in my late 50s and learned on an automatic - I can’t imagine learning on a manual. Part of it is the repetition, the muscle memory. Don’t give up, you’ll get there, just give yourself time!

This. Have just ordered our first ever electric car after many manual ones and we know that neither of us will miss having to change gear even though it mainly comes naturally now after so many years as drivers.

Honestly I was hopeless, some people get it quicker than others. I had tons of lessons and one day it just clicked in the middle of a lesson. I felt it and my driving instructor could tell. Although I still struggled with reversing. But I always say if you are struggling, switch to auto then you can concentrate on the roads etc. as operating the car is so easy. If you need to drive it will get you there faster

Don't give up OP. When I was a kid my parents didn't drive so my whole life was buses and trains and being tied to their schedules. More hours spent at freezing cold bus stops than you can imagine.

I found driving hard (not much experience of being in a private car didn't help) but passed 2nd time and almost 20 years later with almost daily driving still pinch myself sometimes that this is a thing I can do and a freedom that I have.

Ps.. it was my 3rd instructor that clicked it for me, if you don't get on with yours then swap to someone new.

100% automatic. It's so much easier.