I feel like giving up driving lessons. AiBU to ask if there are any seemingly everyday life tasks that feel beyond you?

[drivinghell]

I just need company and hand hold in my misery really. I have been trying to learn to drive, and it's driving me crazy. I am not usually this dense and learning quick and well. But this is just absolutely making me feel like shit about myself. I am actually staying up at night stressed about it. We recently moved to a place where I need to drive everywhere and I really didn't think it would be a big deal to learn. I feel so stupid and just useless.

Help me feel better about myself please and of course any tips are welcome.

Can you share anything that makes you feel like this in solidarity?

Boring though. My husband has one with a switch for a hand brake. It feels remote and sloppy at the lights and wafts along like an old barge. I prefer my Mini Cooper JCW with three pedals. It’s like driving a rocket on wheels and great for bombing around in : always puts a smile on my face. Sadiq Khan must hate me.

I'm sorry you feel that way. It's horrible isn't it. I passed in September 2021 after having two years of driving tests and spending thousands of pounds. I'm reasonably intelligent outside of learning to drive but just found it so difficult and stressful.
Sometimes I'd cry in my lessons but I kept going and passed.
I now drive an automatic (passed in a manual) and I wish that I'd learnt to drive in an automatic as I think I would have passed so much quicker. Due to this I am far less stressed.
I don't go out of my way to drive but certainly don't feel anxious like I used to when I get in the car.
I hope it works out for you.

I passed on my 4th attempt. Felt i was an inherently hopeless driver. I then barely drove for 20 years as i was too nervous. Then a friend lent me her automatic. I drove a little locally in that and it gave me confidence and i eventually bought my own manual. Now a very confident driver and will drive anywhere, as if i were a natural! Keep going - with these things you either need to be a natural or be persistent- but whichever you get to the same place in the end.

Get into auto

i passed my manual ten years ago. Didn’t drive after that because I still didn’t know wtf I was doing to be honest!

I have started lessons again in an auto this month, all I can say is I am LIVID at myself for not doing this sooner. I can’t believe it.

The thing I’d add re: driving an automatic, is that once you can actually drive, using gears is virtually nothing in the scheme of things.
If you literally can’t get the hang of gears after months, fair enough, but otherwise you may aswell learn to drive using gears.

I still haven't managed to get to the point of taking a driving test, and ended up going automatic because I find it so frustratingly difficult. I am almost reduced to tears when I think about it. You're not alone.

@drivinghell hi OP, just wondered how you are getting on? Found this thread and I’m in exactly the same position and it’s really getting me down! :(

Hi there! I am still trying but moved to automatic after advice on MN. Booked a test for Jan and doing an intensive course in December. Fingers crossed all goes well. Wish me luck and good luck to you too. It’s endlessly frustrating but necessary, keep trying!

Driving never came naturally to me either. But it's a bit like how certain skills don't come naturally to our kids (like learning times tables, or a sport) and the only way to get better is to persevere and keep trying and eventually you learn.

Saying that, I passed after 50+ lessons and three failed tests, and still hated driving. It just made me so anxious. I got an automatic car after 2yrs of driving and I wish I had done it sooner! I'm totally fine with driving now, will never drive a manual again. Definitely try automatic!

Thank you, that’s great news! Makes me feel more optimistic. Hopefully the next time you’re back on this thread I’ll be reading you’ve passed 🤞

Yes OP stuff like fucking pivot tables In Microsoft Excel makes me feel thicker than a thick thing.

Same here only with more failed tests!
I was really struggling with driving but it was the coordination with gears that was actually causing the problem- turns out that coordination is a very little part of driving and concentration and anticipation are more useful.

I honestly do think this will change the game! So much less to worry about! Good luck, keep us updated!!

I passed after 5 fialed tests, one was failed for driving straight into the bollards that the instructor told me to be careful of in the last few seconds of the test.

i got my first car and wrote it off in the space in a month. Didn’t drive for 5 years then had refresher lessons and now confidently drive an automatic 12 years after passing my test.

keep at it and it will eventually click.

@PortiasBiscuit

I took lessons for 3 years and used to offer my lovely teacher a Nurofen afterwards. After a break of a few months, I think I'll go back to it although I am not at all musical. The neighbours will be thrilled.

Great news @drivinghell, good luck with your test!

Don’t give up! I passed on my 8th attempt 20 years ago (with breaks in between over a period of 10 years) I failed due to extreme nerves each time. I finally passed after taking a beta blocker and choosing a quiet time to sit my test. It’s is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it has made my life so much easier. I have driven all over the U.K. since then but I still get nervous driving in unknown areas and busy cities etc but definitely glad I persevered. Stick with it OP! Good luck 😊

I cannot get our bastard printer to print. I have to beg dp for help every time.

Cycling. Yes really. Spend more time falling off than actually moving in a vaguely forward direction.

Singing. Even I can tell I'm out of tune.

Have never found the courage to jump into a pool even though I'm an ok swimmer.

Anything even remotely practical.

Facial recognition.

But I CAN drive. Four tests, went auto in the end and never looked back.

Writing essays. Actually did a masters but each essay took hours and hours to do.

With lots of stuff I'd say just give up, but driving is really useful skill to have and opens doors to other things. So keep at it. I failed 4 times. Passed on 5th. Like A LOT of activities it's 50% confidence and when you pass and don't have to drive with someone judging your every move you might start to enjoy it. I passed on a manual, didn't drive for ten years so had refresher lessons and for past ten years have driven an automatic. Now I'm a taxi for my kids' activities daily and even put in the odd long distance drive to competitions.

My children took aaaages to learn to swim whereas I was a duck to water. They can dance beautifully yet im the worst in my ballet class.

Good luck for a January xx

I can’t drive manual cars, I just don’t have the coordination to do it. When I was learning to drive my instructor suggested I may have more success in an automatic car. I was not able to find an instructor with an automatic car so I bought one myself and my instructor taught me in that. I also did my driving test in it and passed first time. I had to show my insurance certificate, MOT certificate and the driving examiner had a quick check over the car before my test began. For me the goal was learning to drive and being independent, it didn’t matter that I approached it in a slightly different way. Once I started learning in the automatic I was off! It was like night and day for me.

Well done for not once giving up and just persevering 🎉 I passed fifth time. Was determined to pass as I had spent a fortune on lessons - no way was I not getting a driver's licence.

OP keep going, failure is not an option. Keep going until you pass. As soon as I failed, I was back to booking my next test on the computer.

Keep going!!!!

For the driving can you afford a one week intensive course, they often take place in Blackpool where there is only one hill for the hill start.

Work backwards, just before you go to sleep think about your self driving, not driving now, but in the future when you are a good confident driver.

When that feels natural and normal go back a stage to how fantastic you felt the day you passed, then when that is normal, visualise your test and how easy you found it.

You may never enjoy it, but that's OK.

My mother was in her 50s when my father died and she inherited the family car. It took her 5 goes to pass the test, but she did it. Even used to go to a test centre in South Wales which reputedly had no roundabouts on the test route! But this was 1980s.

Agree with others, drive an automatic, who needs manual these days. And try another instructor. Do you have a female instructor? Might be more sympathetic.