How do people live

[pinkshoes87]

I just don't get it... as adults we are meant to pay bills and have savings... pay for kids weddings and uni...HOW????

I earn 28k, get small amount of tax credits and child benefit...

Mortgage is 570, after bills I have nothing and I mean NOTHING.

My car is a 2009 diesel owned outright... I do commute so that's 3 tanks a month (£250-300)

One child in childcare (£25 per week breakfast club plus £80 per week holidays)

I am in despair... I need bathroom repairs, a new kitchen, new flooring and garage fixing (and these are needs not wants, it's all falling apart and my garage roof is fucked)... can't see me ever saving for it and can’t get a loan cos don't have any money for repayments!!!

Surely this isn't normal?!!!

I don't spend anything on luxuries. My phone is PAYG £9 per month. I don't have tv package. I do have internet plus Netflix but I only pay half towards Netflix as I share with a friend (sshhh). I take lunch to work and kids take lunch to school. I cook from scratch and buy cheap food. I don't go out at all anywhere. No takeaways or treats. No clothes or anything for me.

My outgoings are literally bills, food and diesel. Plus whatever kids need.

Is this the new normal????

Sorry to hear OP you are struggling. You can look for flexible work at Easer app. Apple app store - https://rb.gy/4y5jc
Google play store - https://rb.gy/9pftc

What are the chances of increasing your salary? I mean by promotion?

Yes OP, this 'new normal' is now what more of us have - it's been the 'normal' for fewer people before now - but now more of us are feeling and living it too. The thin end of the wedge has got mighty thicker.

No little pointers to give other than ride it out until the storm subsides, and it will eventually. Good luck and best wishes x.

One of the most disgusting changes made to benefits is the slashing of widowed parents allowance.

sorry for your loss

I can relate. Average earner and lone parent. Everytime I get a better job or paid something off, prices go up even more so am no better off... very hard to find spare funds for car repairs etc. Makes life so much more stressful.

Have you written down exactly where your money is going each month? Every penny?

Someone else mentioned Turn2us upthread, I just had a look and the 'grant search' only needs a quick few answers so nothing to lose by having a look... ?
Turn2Us grants search

You mentioned your job is patient facing, are there any benevolent funds linked to your field of work at all or that of your late husband? From looking through the grants on offer it seems like any and every field of work has a charitable body supporting it - for example, there is a fund specifically for past or present employees of shoe shops! I do realise a grant is only a stopgap but if it even helps with one bill or one expense then it might make a difference.

I am sorry things are so hard, wishing you all the best and sending you strength 💪

Do your children get free school meals?
I think your salary is too high now, but it says that if you were already claiming in March 2019 you would continue to be entitled even if your income changed.

I ask because I know there are holiday schemes where I live which are free to children who receive free school meals.

You don't have to pay for uni, that is what student loan is for.

Could his carer's bring him to see you instead of you going to him all the time? They must take him out. My son is in sheltered housing and they bring him to see us out in the community?

Paying for university and weddings are luxuries for a lot of parents. As are things like paying for driving lessons and buying their children their first car.

Your fuel cost is the big thing. Changing jobs is probably something you will have to think about, especially if your car is getting on a bit. It doesn't sound like you will be able to buy a new one when it goes.
Eventually though things will get better. Your children won't need childcare forever, and all being well they move out and support themselves. Or if they don't move out they can at least get jobs then contribute to the household that way.

It is hard OP. I am lucky that we have DP and myself and both working. But I am paid about the same as you and DP is on less. You have already got a lot of people suggesting benefits that are not relevant. All we get is child benefit.
But the idea of paying for university and savings is a middle class one, it is not relevant for many of us.

I am in a better position now but at times I was like this, and that was without the COL.

That was when I heard about Shoppix, same sort of thing, scanning receipts and presumably you could use the same receipts on each app, I will certainly be trying now I know about this other one!

You need a referral code but a quick google will get you one. You can change them for paypal, itunes and amazon credit (£5 a time which doesnt take long to get although the more you save before cashing them in, the more they are worth). I change mine for amazon credit and save it for Xmas, not a huge amount but every penny I dont have to spend makes a difference.

Sorry OP. I don’t have answers, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong or that you shouldn’t be angry about your situation. Life has become unfathomably hard financially for so many people who work hard in reasonably paid jobs. Unfortunately I don’t believe the government is getting to grips with this or doing anything about it. At least know you are not alone.

@Mamapiggywig Since when is it cheaper to run a petrol car vs diesel? You get loads more miles out of diesel and OP can't afford to switch cars anyway.

I couldn't survive on your income with your mortgage etc either, OP. I'd suggest looking at where you have capital - do you have equity in your house? If so consider extracting some so you can fix the house - garage roof is esp important methinks.

Reduce your outgoings by extending your mortgage term. Once you can pay more, you can pay up to 10% pa off the balance without incurring fees. If you're on a fixed term mortgage with good int rates and they wont allow you to extend the term of your existing mortgage, talk to the bank/building society and reduce your payments for a given period of time to buy yourself 6 or so months. The prob with this is that you will need to make up the shortfall.

Def look for a job nearer home too, though I know that's difficult at the mo. With minimum wage increasing, you may find you can do a different job, get a bigger top up of tax credits and tgat means your overall income isn't too badly affected.

Sending a hug and good luck x

I was listening to a radio programme about poverty and they said that single parents were at the bottom of the pile.

And there are a lot of us! We could do with some more support really.

I am on similar to you, with SEN child. I don’t / can’t run a car or work full-time until DS goes to longer hours in a few hours at school.

It’s really rubbish. I managed to find WFH which saves a lot. And also manage to do some things in the house cheaply (not roofs though!). Ikea kitchens and a lot of DIY.

I’m well qualified and so am fustrated as I could earn a lot more part time but the workplace is all geared towards two parents able to juggle childcare, or at least be able to work full time etc. Also now people see a gap in my career and don’t really get ‘needed to be a carer’. It’s crazy because I know I could be a real asset, but workplaces are not flexible enough still.

hi
appreciate you’re new
so welcome
but
you need to post this on a separate thread as this thread is about a completely different issue
suggest you start your own thread and MNs will respond.
pat the top of the thread highlighted in blue it says. Start your own thread.

good luck

I’m so sorry to hear this OP.

It makes me angry that the Bereaved Parent Allowance stops at 18 months now. It used to be until youngest child reached 18. Fair enough if they wanted to means test it but really bad imo to just scrap it completely

I’m so sorry for yours and your children’s loss.

You mentioned a second job, have you thought of teaching English online? There are lots of websites that are free to join and you can do it in whatever free time you have, all you need is to be able to speak English.
It could be worth looking into even if it’s just a small top up.
https://www.cambly.com/english?lang=en

I’m so sorry there’s not more support for you and your children, I hope you have a friend/friends in real life that you can talk to xx

There is a solution here and if you were my friend or family member having been through what you have with two children I would be telling you to cut your hours down to the magic 16 hrs per week, claim Universal credit. This will top you up to a bit over what you currently get plus less commuting costs for you. Plus you will be entitled to all the cost of living payments, free school meals, perceptions etc. As a single mum with two young children you are exactly the person the system was set up to help. I really don't care if I get flamed for this! You may even get time to have a little side hussle! Good luck OP x

I’m in the same boat, earning £30k. My kids are older so no childcare costs, but bus passes, basic mobile phones and a small amount of pocket money etc all add up. I used to get DLA for one of mine but when they transferred to PIP it was refused so that’s brought the monthly income down.
Things are incredibly tight, and quite suddenly. We were never rich but we used to be able to get by.

In answer to the OP's original question, a large number of adults don't manage to have savings for weddings and university etc. A lot of two income families live pay cheque to pay cheque.

MN often has threads about "side hustles'. I did mystery shopping for example, and one of my colleagues does spray tans. Back in the day my grandfather took in ironing, so it's been necessary for generations.

Yeah you can just choose what you want to pay into an NHS pension. Not sure she is even in that scheme tbh. But you pay a percentage dependant on what you earn, so you either are in the scheme or you aren’t. But like previous posters have said we will need that in future.

Also you aren’t always that better off because you pay( a little) less tax because of paying into the pension.

A lot of people I know even the ones earning well have a lot of support from their parents/inheritances.