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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do people live

121 replies

pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:01

I just don't get it... as adults we are meant to pay bills and have savings... pay for kids weddings and uni...HOW????

I earn 28k, get small amount of tax credits and child benefit...

Mortgage is 570, after bills I have nothing and I mean NOTHING.

My car is a 2009 diesel owned outright... I do commute so that's 3 tanks a month (£250-300)

One child in childcare (£25 per week breakfast club plus £80 per week holidays)

I am in despair... I need bathroom repairs, a new kitchen, new flooring and garage fixing (and these are needs not wants, it's all falling apart and my garage roof is fucked)... can't see me ever saving for it and can’t get a loan cos don't have any money for repayments!!!

Surely this isn't normal?!!!

I don't spend anything on luxuries. My phone is PAYG £9 per month. I don't have tv package. I do have internet plus Netflix but I only pay half towards Netflix as I share with a friend (sshhh). I take lunch to work and kids take lunch to school. I cook from scratch and buy cheap food. I don't go out at all anywhere. No takeaways or treats. No clothes or anything for me.

My outgoings are literally bills, food and diesel. Plus whatever kids need.

Is this the new normal????

OP posts:
TheSparkling · 20/04/2023 21:53

@pinkshoes87 I'm a widow too, coming up 5 years now. It's tough isn't it? X

Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:55

I just feel stuck.

I have had a pay rise this year from 26k to 28 but it just isn't enough,

I have no family or childcare, it's just me. So I have to rely on wraparound childcare and I can't work from home as mine isn't a job you can do remotely (I'm patient facing).

The salary I'm on is a lot more than I'd get elsewhere for the same job which is why I stay, but the nearest jobs are actually only 5 miles away from where I work now... I live quite remotely.

OP posts:
tallcypowder · 20/04/2023 21:55

Its is awful op. The energy bills have tipped me over the edge. Mortgage gone up.
It's just a grind now.

Mental health will take a bashing and its bad enough now.

Andanotherone01 · 20/04/2023 21:55

Nimbostratus100 · 20/04/2023 21:18

how much do you need a car? Can you get rid of it and walk?

I’m going to guess not, if she is paying £300 a month in fuel for commuting 🙄

Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:56

TheSparkling · 20/04/2023 21:53

@pinkshoes87 I'm a widow too, coming up 5 years now. It's tough isn't it? X

It really is hard xx

OP posts:
trinibrit · 20/04/2023 21:56

Take a look and see if you qualify for Bereavement Support Allowance or Widowed Parents Allowance.

Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:57

trinibrit · 20/04/2023 21:56

Take a look and see if you qualify for Bereavement Support Allowance or Widowed Parents Allowance.

I had bereavement support allowance but it was only for 18 months. That ended a couple of years ago xx

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 20/04/2023 21:59

pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:57

I had bereavement support allowance but it was only for 18 months. That ended a couple of years ago xx

Show quote history

It was a bad move how they changed the widowed parent allowance which continued until youngest child left school and replaced it with bereavement support payment lasting 18 months.

Coffeellama · 20/04/2023 22:00

Have you checked if you’d be any better on universal credit? Some people are.

Coffeellama · 20/04/2023 22:02

Also can you get widowed parents allowance?

Iguanainanigloo · 20/04/2023 22:05

It's hard... My DH earns a really good wage for our part of the country (over 50k), and I work part time around the kids being at school bringing in another 10k. We aren't well off by any means, but we get by. I feel we should have more disposable money at this stage in life, but the second one of us earns more, something else becomes more expensive, so it just counteracts any wage increases. Was a kick in the teeth when husband just went over the 50k earnings, as now have to pay back child benefit, and that's what I was using to pay for the kids after-school clubs and swim lessons. Annoyingly a couple we know both earn 48k so their household brings in alot more than us, they pay less tax as not in the 40% bracket, and still get full child benefit?! There needs to be more support for single parent households, as it must be such a struggle to work enough hours, look after kids singlehandedly, and survive. Our only saving grace is managing to secure a low remortgage rate, but when that comes to an end who knows what things will look like. Plan was to try and pay off as much mortgage as possible over the next 4 years, but at the end of each month, there's not enough left to even bother overpaying. Even if we have £100 spare, the car service is due, or the dogs jabs are round the corner.

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 22:09

pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 21:51

Yes I'm single, their father died 4 years ago so I can't claim child maintenance

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I’m sorry to hear this. I take it there was no life insurance.

Jackdanielsg1 · 20/04/2023 22:10

It's so tough right now op. Could you extend the term on your mortgage? It would bring the monthly costs down. Youd pay more interest over time but would help in these next few years whilst you have childcare costs.

thebutcherswife · 20/04/2023 22:12

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 22:09

I’m sorry to hear this. I take it there was no life insurance.

Show quote history

What an incredibly crass thing to say!

PurplePineapple1 · 20/04/2023 22:16

I get it OP. No answers because we are also drowning. Just know you're not alone. I've had a couple of good to go boxes from the app which were OK and helped a bit if you could try that. I also have a receipt scanning app which you can swap the 'coins' for amazon or PayPal credit and it is useful to have. Its called StoreRewards.

Dymaxion · 20/04/2023 22:17

@Daisiesandprimroses I’m still not sure i understand your question, you’re a lower than average earner

Is she though ? The median average salary for all employees in the UK is £27,756 in 2023, so she is just over the average earner with a salary of £28k. If she is working full-time the median average salary is £33k, which she might be closer to with Tax credits and child benefits.

Add on to that the cost of living crisis, so fuel prices have gone up ( I remember filling my car at £1.11 for diesel during the pandemic ) food inflation at 19.2% , energy prices etc and that 33k isn't going to go far at all.

CommanderSeven · 20/04/2023 22:20

Do you have a spare room? Could you take in a lodger?

I'm sorry for your loss.

My dad was a widower and he struggled financially too.

sandyhappypeople · 20/04/2023 22:20

What is the situation with your brother OP, could you potentially claim carer's allowance? Which may at least go towards the travel costs of getting there and back?

Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 22:23

CommanderSeven · 20/04/2023 22:20

Do you have a spare room? Could you take in a lodger?

I'm sorry for your loss.

My dad was a widower and he struggled financially too.

No spare room xx

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 22:24

sandyhappypeople · 20/04/2023 22:20

What is the situation with your brother OP, could you potentially claim carer's allowance? Which may at least go towards the travel costs of getting there and back?

He lives in supported accommodation an hour away. He gets so many hours of support per week from support workers. Nobody else really bothers with him so I go see him every week to do his blood sugars and spend time with him. He doesn't have anyone else and I'm not eligible for carers as I'm not technically caring for him I suppose. I can't not visit him though otherwise he would be on his own.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 22:24

PurplePineapple1 · 20/04/2023 22:16

I get it OP. No answers because we are also drowning. Just know you're not alone. I've had a couple of good to go boxes from the app which were OK and helped a bit if you could try that. I also have a receipt scanning app which you can swap the 'coins' for amazon or PayPal credit and it is useful to have. Its called StoreRewards.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 22:25

Life insurance didn't pay out due to the cause of death.

OP posts:
RoseBucket · 20/04/2023 22:27

I’ve gone from earning £42k to £18k my outgoings are £1400 a month, I live in my overdraft but gone past caring.

CommanderSeven · 20/04/2023 22:29

In situations like this there are only 2 options.

Reduce your outgoings or increase your income.

You do that or you end up deeper and deeper in debt.

Have you looked for advice?

Check out turn2us for possible grants

It's tough when there's only once income coming in.

Could you rent out your home and move somewhere cheaper, close to work? Though this comes with its own costs and challenges.

Even if you have to downsize and get a one bedroom place, meaning you have to sleep in the living room?

NewNovember · 20/04/2023 22:30

pinkshoes87 · 20/04/2023 22:25

Life insurance didn't pay out due to the cause of death.

Am so sorry 💐