How do people live

[pinkshoes87]

I just don't get it... as adults we are meant to pay bills and have savings... pay for kids weddings and uni...HOW????

I earn 28k, get small amount of tax credits and child benefit...

Mortgage is 570, after bills I have nothing and I mean NOTHING.

My car is a 2009 diesel owned outright... I do commute so that's 3 tanks a month (£250-300)

One child in childcare (£25 per week breakfast club plus £80 per week holidays)

I am in despair... I need bathroom repairs, a new kitchen, new flooring and garage fixing (and these are needs not wants, it's all falling apart and my garage roof is fucked)... can't see me ever saving for it and can’t get a loan cos don't have any money for repayments!!!

Surely this isn't normal?!!!

I don't spend anything on luxuries. My phone is PAYG £9 per month. I don't have tv package. I do have internet plus Netflix but I only pay half towards Netflix as I share with a friend (sshhh). I take lunch to work and kids take lunch to school. I cook from scratch and buy cheap food. I don't go out at all anywhere. No takeaways or treats. No clothes or anything for me.

My outgoings are literally bills, food and diesel. Plus whatever kids need.

Is this the new normal????

Have you looked at Attendance Allowance for your brother?

In my world of similar salary levels NO ONE thinks they are 'meant' to pay for their kids weddings and uni. None of their kids would expect it and are grateful for a contribution, the odd food parcel at uni or letting them live rent free, and maybe paying for the wedding dress or cake or something. Savings usually mean what you put aside for Christmas and possibly a holiday. Certainly not a big sum building up for retirement. Yes there are people who do manage those things, and a lot of people who post on herd are in that position, but they generally have a double income or one considerably higher than average earner in the household. There's far more people out here in your position though.

Are you able to increase your income somehow - a sideways move, more hours, second home-based job, or different job? I think it would be difficult to cut costs supporting 3 people on your salary.

Unfortunately rent in the area I work is ridiculous. A one bed flat is at least 750pcm in the worst of areas. More than my mortgage and wouldn't save on diesel as my children go to school in the village. I wouldn't move their schools, they've had too much disruption in their lives as it is and the schools near where I work are awful.

More hours means finding childcare which means more money. I literally have zero family so no free childcare. I am looking for a second home-based job for the evenings though.

I’m also in the same situation.

Salary of £25k per year, grown up children who don’t live at home anymore and I’m a single person so everything is down to me.

Like you say, once all the bills are paid there is nothing left, especially now that my gas and electric cost has doubled per month.

Never buy any new clothes, never have a take away, have to really think about spending on anything, absolutely dread family and friends birthday, Christmas etc.

It feels like existing, not living and I very often wonder what life is about.

So sorry you’re going through this, I guess we just have to have hope that things will get better.

But not every adult lives in a dual income home or earns more. Surely that's obvious?

Is changing your career an option?

She's paying 300 a month and fuel. How on earth can she walk that far?

What ideas have you come up with yourself?

But to answer your question "how do people live?" well they struggle, rob one bill to pay another. Get into debt.

I think seeing if you can reduce your mortgage payment perhaps be extending the term might be an option.

If you work in healthcare is that for the NHS? Are you paying into a pension (I know there's rules about that) could you reduce that to the lowest amount?

My Dad was widowed when I was 8. I had 10 years of disruption after that. He had no choice sometimes. But because we all stayed together, things worked out in the end.

You really only have debt, reducing outgoings and increasing income as options.

I wish you every possible good thing to help improve things for you and your DC.

I, very naively, didn't realise that life insurance had caveats like that! I mean, I suppose thinking about it, why wouldn't it seeing as every other type of insurance will do anything to not pay out!!

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, I hope things can change for you.

The only thing I can think of is are you using tax free childcare for childcare costs. It won't save you all that much but it all helps.

Also, I earn a few bits on different survey and research apps - again, not much but it does give a little treat, or a bit off the weekly shop. (Eg, I've just earned a £25 voucher from scanning my shopping each week which I've been doing since late Jan - it's a free bit of cash for the minor effort of scanning a receipt and shopping once a week!).

If the OP is spending £300 a month on commuting to work i am pretty sure it is not walking distance

Please don't suggest that she reduces her pension contributions. Things are going to be dire in the future.

I’m afraid I don’t have much practical advice to offer you but I have been really moved by this thread and your predicament. I am so very sorry for your loss and the situation you’re now finding yourself having to deal with. I think we often forget how life can be turned upside down and our fortunes change. The current economic climate as many PPs have said is tough even with two incomes, it’s undoubtedly much harder, almost impossible when you’re trying to cope alone. I really hope you get some advice from this thread that helps you. One thing I would say is if I was your friend I would hope you could reach out to me, I would hate to think I could help but you didn’t feel able to ask. I feel that more than ever friends, families and communities need to support each other, life has become rather bleak and stressful and sometimes we just need help from others to make it through. I hope that somehow that things improve for you x

Oh absolutely I know this. I normally never, ever suggest this but IF its an NHS pension and she still pays SOMETHING into it then that's a better overall compromise.

OP needs money now as well as in the future.

How much tax credits do you get? Have you had a look at whether you're better off on UC?

You say rents are really high in your area. Could you get a lodger, even for a few years? Put both kids in one room, or you move your bed into the dining room or something. The extra money would more than cover your fuel costs.

If you feel brave enough, you used to be able to do ‘sexy chat’ if you had a landline, adverts were in the back of ladies magazines (take a break etc). Best pay was from midnight onwards.

look in local charity shops, you can make some good money if you can pick up popular brands and sell them on Vinted or Ebay, it’s a bit of faff but worth the effort if you find designer handbags etc.

If you have any old books sell them on Ziffit, it’s an app that pays for books. There are also apps that will buy CD’s and DVD’s

Have you looked at changing your mortgage provider? You might find a lower interest rate than you’re currently paying. Same with credit cards.

You can’t afford to be driving an hour each way to see your brother every week, you need to cut down on visits. Could you go twice a month instead of every week?

Your wage is low, your lifestyle is frugal but with necessities paid you are left with very little. I’m sorry life is being so hard right now.

That sounds really tough! On the plus side, you own your home, which many people on that salary don’t necessarily do!

Things sound dire now , she could opt out til she doesn't have to pay childcare. I had to when I was a struggling single mother.

I know, it's shit.

Don't vote tory.

@pinkshoes87 would the nearer job still pay less after fuel costs ?
Could you move up and earn more in the nearer job ?

Are you/ have you claimed the government support for widowed parents support?

Attendance Allowance is a benefit claimed by people of state pension age .
Op cannot claim carers allowance as she earns ways too much and you need to be caring for 35 hours a week which she isn't.

Op says earlier in the thread that she claimed bereavement support payment and this ended 2 years ago.

Childcare costs do reduce as dc get older but I would focus on trying to find a job closer to home to reduce fuel costs. I think society has moved to 2 income families being the norm which is great for equality in the workplace etc but not for those without two incomes. I say that as someone who works full time and so does my dh. We couldn’t live well on one income. I hope your situation changes. You can also speak to your bank who do try to help.