I’m going to give it a miss

[reebokbok]

I feel abit affronted with that response to me asking a group of friends if they wanted to meet up for dinner next week.

Am I being too sensitive.

I’d find that rude tbh

It’s quite direct isn’t it?

It sort of needs another clause in the sentence. Is she had said “I’m not really over my flu so I’m going to give it a miss” it might have been different.

It depends on the friend and what their usual delivery is like too. Some people just are more direct and if you know people really well you can be more honest.

Did they not say anything else?

What was their response ?

It’s a bit abrupt if that’s literally all it was.

It's difficult though, what are you meant to say if you just don't want to go. I have been invited to evenings out which just don't appeal, should I lie and say I am busy? Then there's the danger of the organiser offering to arrange a new date. I recently had to turn an invitation down and just mumbled something about not being very sociable.

Yes although I’d give the benefit of the doubt with friends, probably misssing the end of a sentence like…”im going to give it a miss cos I’ve got no money and im due on” or something like that.

But if it’s someone who’s normally cold and rude then tell them to go bollocks.

How many in the group and did they all say this?

I don’t think it’s that bad, there could be plenty of reasons why they want to give it a miss - money is tight, whatever “it” is isn’t to their taste, they’ve got an early start the next day etc, they’re doing to be tired after a busy week etc.

Could it be they can’t afford it and don’t want to say so?

I have no problem with direct communication. I wouldn't be offended unless there was a specific tone to how it was said.

An answer yes or no I'd appreciate, but not expressed that way.

Yes definitely abrupt. I know that people say “No is a complete sentence” but social wheels need to be oiled as well.

I would, at the very least explain that I had other commitments, reassure that I would like to meet up another time and continue chatting. Has anything lead up to this OP?

I have used exactly this phrase ' I'm going to give it a miss, have fun'.

Simply because at the time I was having radiotherapy and was feeling dire.
I could have told them how crap I was feeling, but I don't like, and can't cope with, sympathy and messages of support. I never know how to respond.

I can imagine saying the same again if I didn't want to go into detail because it would either bring the mood down, or make it all about me.

But this was dinner with friends (who presumably do this routinely).

It’s not as if the OP is asking them to do something they intrinsically dislike.

If your mate says “fancy paintballing next week” and you say “Nah” it come across that you don’t want to do paintballing. If they say “Do you want to hang out” and the answer is as abrupt as this it tends to suggest you don’t want to see them full stop. It’s a very different conversation.

I’m part of a group of friends and sometimes one of the women says this. If she added something like I am too tired/not well/ skint that would be fine.

However on its own it implies I don’t want to do the planned activity and seeing you doesn’t make up for that.

It's definitely a bit abrupt, and I'd think an additional sentence to explain would be nice "it's so manic at the moment that I can't commit to any other social events" or whatever, but in a group of friends I'd give the benefit of the doubt and assume the person just didn't want to do that particular thing.

Assuming 'lm going to give that a miss' is the reply then I'd be perfectly fine with that. I suppose it depends who's saying it and what their usual style is. It's quite blunt but what's the option
Not reply/ignore - maybe doable by text, awkward in person
No, it's the last thing I want to be bothered with atm...bit too blunt
Hmm, depends who's coming...rude
I'm broke....embarrassing
I could afford it but I'd get more enjoyment spending my money on something else
Nah, it was such a saga last time agreeing a date
Nah can't be bothered. Effort to gain ratio too low

I don't like particularly afternoon meals as it splits/wastes a whole day. I also don't especially enjoy meals where people eat then go home at 9:30. It seems a lot of effort for me so I decline those invites.

I'm unsure if you're affronted that she doesn't want to meet up for a meal or affronted because she hasn't lied/offered an 'excuse'.

I started going cinema with 4 friends. Last time I was invited I said No thanks (text). I was invited again this month so said, actually probably best you don't invite me because I don't really like the same films as you lot. One friend suggested we each take a turn to pick a film. I declined and said chances are 4/5 times I'm paying £15+ for something I don't want. Fair enough they said...in our group app I get to hear what they're going to see. I'm confident if I want to go I can. I won't get kicked out because I didn't fancy it. No one was affronted.

I always say to my friends that I'd rather they just tell me if they don't fancy something than make up some untrue excuse. I'm always fine with it even if the reason is just "I want to stay home tonight", because sometimes I am like that too!

But what if it's not manic and you just don't feel like it? That should be a valid enough reason. I guess it comes across a bit rude to say that but I wish people could just say it and it be acceptable!

Also depends if other people had responded first. If you'd already had a few yesses, then it's less bad, especially if the conversation was moving quickly.

Rude definitely.

Did they say why?

Skint? Exhausted? Too much on that week? Having a tough time?

They all chorused this, or just one of them said it?

Depends on how good friends you are. Why make up an excuse? It's fair enough if they're not wanting to go.