I’m going to give it a miss

[reebokbok]

I feel abit affronted with that response to me asking a group of friends if they wanted to meet up for dinner next week.

Am I being too sensitive.

I don't like this phrasing, but see nothing wrong with an answer like 'I can't come this week, hope you have fun'.

I prefer not to be given fake excuses to 'justify'.

But it’s not a fake excuse to say “I’m not that up for going out this week” or “I cba to drag my ass off the couch”…it’s just less abrupt and more “friendly” than the abrupt response the OP was given.

They all said this?

How many? Surely someone gave a reason?

I said this to a friend last week as I couldn’t afford it and I didn’t want to say that. I also didn’t want to lie.

I think it’s better than flat out saying ‘no’

I think there is a significant tonal difference between "I'm going to HAVE TO give it a miss" (implies other factors have intervened so they can't come to an event which they might have enjoyed in other circumstances)

versus

"I am going to give it a miss" (comes across as a snide way of saying you don't find the idea appealing).

The former would also usually include some reference to the conflict eg "My Mum's visiting that weekend so I'm going to have to give it a miss"

I think it's fine. They're not up for it for whatever reason and they don't need to apologise or justify their reasoning.

So rude.

It is direct and I would love it and wish more people would take this approach.

Too many people flower around. They say, oh I can't afford it at the minute and someone offers to pay. They say, oh I've already get plans that night and an alternative date is proposed. A simple, straight, I'm not up for it this time is massively preferable.

I think it's fine for a casual "do you fancy" type question.

You asked if they fancied it; they said they didn't. It's not as though you were going to any particular effort or it was a special occasion - they've no reason to explain themselves or be sorry for their absence.

That people consider it rude says an awful lot to me about female socialisation. Women can't simply say no, because that's rude 🤔

Precisely. It does say a lot.

I really wish this was an acceptable answer. Why do we have to justify not wanting to do something? Why do we have to tell people we can't afford something? Or make something up? We should be able to just say no I won't be going, or I'm going to give it a miss.

I agree, but I also wish people would stop trying to problem solve non-attendees!

I try really hard to say "not this week" or "not my thing" - but carry on without me! Then even though 80% of the group are happy, they try and fix it.

I invited a group to my parents house - in a special location, lots of hiking. One friend didn't want to come - fine. But another woman tried to suggest hiring a cottage more centrally, switching to a city break, changing the dates.... All of which massively spiked the price, and weren't what I offered. And the other woman didn't want to do ANY of the other options, and was perfectly confident saying so!

Sigh … no one has to do anything social they don’t want to do or make up fake excuses.

But I believe there is a kindness you should extend back. Someone went out their way to invite you to something, it doesn’t warrant a flippant response.

@reebokbok but that's what I'm saying. I don't see it as flippant. I'm sure they wouldn't have either.

"went out of their way to invite you"

What does that mean?

Me too

@Darthwazette @drpet49
Me too - unnecessarily rude and dismissive

Mayb they can’t afford it, or have been ill, u don’t give enough information.

How many were in the group and did they all give an identical response?

It’s fine. People are allowed to just not fancy/not be arsed to do something without a compelling reason. It isn’t personal. Did one person say it or everyone in the group?

Maybe they're all on MN and have been told they can just say no or that doesn't work for me.

Isn't that the advice normally given on MN

I’d prefer that response to fake enthusiasm then flakiness cancellations on the actual day.

Because a message or a call don't seem that much of "going out of your way" for someone who is supposedly a friend.

But you haven't invited them to anything.

You've asked a group of people if they fancy meeting up for dinner next week. You haven't organised anything. All you've done is sent a message.

That's not an invitation, it's a feeler to see if anyone is available/interested.