"As a parent..."

[LaPerduta]

I've just read about a local teenager who was recently subjected to a rather distressing mugging. The person who posted about this said that, "as a parent," she found this horrifying.

AIBU to think that it is not necessary to be a parent to be able to feel empathy/sympathy towards a child who has had a traumatic experience?

As someone who is not a parent, I find this trope to be quite insulting and it's usually completely unnecessary to state. (I'm assuming the person who posted details of the attack doesn't actually mean that they would have found it acceptable had they not had children of their own.)

Why invoke a pro-natal hierarchy, unnecessarily?

Agree with you. Remember Andrea Leadsom getting slated for effectively saying she'd be a better candidate for Tory leadership than Theresa May because she is a mother. V lazy.

Yes, lazy and infuriating. And rather cruel.

There are times where "as a parent" is relevant and times that it's not. I don't think either of you are unreasonable.

Since becoming a parent my response to some topics has changed and it's not that I care any more about the topic/situation because I'm a mother. It's like a change in emotional reaction and I wonder if on a subconscious level some parents put their child in the situation of the child in the situation and that's why they respond that way. Things involving children being harmed is one of those topics that despite years of professional training and experience with children, the gut emotional reaction felt different once having my DC.

You are overthinking this and looking for things to be offended at.

She’s giving her opinion on it as a parent. It means she’s imagining how she’d feel if it were her child. It’s perfectly normal.

Hmmm, yes and no.

On one hand being a parent doesn't make you more empathetic or anyhting - that would be ridiculous to suggest. However my feelings have definitely highened in respect of child related things since having kids. I went through about 5 years of donating to every child related charity going, if there were sad mistreated kids on a advert I was paying. So I definitely think it changes the emotional response you might have, maybe because you somehow feel closer to the situation or because suddenly it becomes much more relateable.

Things involving children being harmed is one of those topics that despite years of professional training and experience with children, the gut emotional reaction felt different once having my DC.

Yes, I can understand that. I don't think it makes the situation objectively worse though, and I'm not sure it's a necessary prefix.

For some people being a parent is the main part of their identity. I know many individuals who struggled to conceive and now they have a child will regularly start comments with ‘as a parent’. As they were traumatised when they thought they couldn’t have children they want to shout about being a parent.

Hmmm...like the others, agree and disagree. I remember not being a parent and it wasn't that I didn't care about people or children in particular, but your response to crime directed at children does change because you develop a visceral need to protect your child above anything else in your life. You see this and you don't just think how awful it is that someone would mug a child, but also, how will I protect my child if this happens to children these days?

You don't need to look very hard to find the "as a parent..." trope. It's ubiquitous.

I will admit to being (over-)sensitive to it, but I find it smug.

She probably has teenage kids and so whilst everyone finds it horrific, she is probably seeing similarities between the teenager and her kids and so it’s that bit more painful. My mum was particularly horrific about the Dunblane school shooting. A school shooting is always horrific but those kids were similar age to me and their uniform was similar to my school uniform and she couldn’t help but imagine it was me.

This.

Ironically, probably the very people who would have hated the phrase before they became a parent themselves!

Yes, I can understand that. I don't think it makes the situation objectively worse though, and I'm not sure it's a necessary prefix
But she hasn't said the situation is objectively worse.
She has given her opinion or emotional reaction, which is influenced by the fact she's a parent.

If we were talking about people saying "as a mother..." Or "as a parent..." followed by their opinion on the Bank of England interest rates, I'd agree.

I think you are being a bit over sensitive on this.

As a non parent you are horrified at what happened.
As a parent, this person is horrified at the possibility of it happening to their child

I find the phrase annoying too.

I didnt need to be a parent to find some things distressing.

What I have found 'as a parent' Is on top of the totally human distress/concern for the victim and their relatives and other potential victims, i have a fear of 'it could have been my child'. So in a way its quite a self focused response on top of the more ulturistic one about the victim and their family.

I don't know, I think people use this kind of thing all over the place "as a teacher..." "as a lawyer.." "I'm a dog lover and..." I think it's just to add some "extra" credibility to what they say next but I agree that doing that makes you seem like you think your opinion is a bit superior to someone else's opinion. So yes, it's a bit annoying, but I don't think "parents" are the only people who do this.

I thought I understood what childhood dependence on a parent was until I became a mother but I had no idea of just how vulnerable and dependent your children are. It's terrifying, all encompassing. I don't know if it ever leaves you. I even explained to my mother how to cross the road safely the first time she took my child out for a walk...

I get what you're saying, anyone can feel empathy to another human being, but as a parent you understand how YOU would feel as a parent to your own children, so in turn you can imagine it in much more detail. Anyone can feel empathy to a situation but you will feel greater empathy if you can relate more, it's quite simple.

Didn't see above post. But I agree in the situation cited it's more akin to empathy than superiority.

YABU she's giving her perspective. I absolutely see things differently now I'm a mother. You stop seeing yourself in these situations and you see your child being in that situation and it's a whole new level of horrifying.

I've voted YABU because you are being a bitnover sensitive.

Of course being a parent doesn't make you uniquely qualified to judge of something is terrible or not but I think when parents say this about things happening to children / teens what they really mean is 'This is terrifying and I'm scared for my child'. They aren't saying that as a parent they have a special insight into how much more terrible it is....even if it is badly worded to sound that way.

I think you’re nit picking unnecessarily

I agree with this. Whilst I've always known right from wrong, don't hurt anyone etc, etc. I don't think I truly appreciated the fragility and how special every single person is until I had children.

Its just a figure of speech. Nobody thinks than non parents don't care when bad things happen to children.
You're overthinking

I find that when it comes to crime, certain kinds of people always talk about "as a parent, I think the punishment should be xyz".

They rarely think, "if my child did this, I would want the punishment to be xyz".

A lot of "as a parent" statements unwittingly reveal that said parent is less rational, kind or fair than an impartial person. Not that they've been gifted special insight and meaning.