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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child's first night away and she doesn't care

100 replies

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 09:32

Okay I'm just worried I've done something wrong parenting wise here.
My daughter is 8, has never stayed away a night and has gone off on her school trip this morning said goodbye and not even looked back. I won't see her until Friday evening. She's never stayed away before, I was worried about her not being able to cope with the overnight stay so almost offered to take her to the day trip and pick her up in the evening so she didn't have to stay the night. But she didn't even seem to care! Have I done something wrong here. I remember overnight stays as a child making me feel sick and nervous and miss my Mum.

OP posts:

BakedTattie · 20/04/2023 09:33

Sounds like you’ve done everything right! You’ve made her strong and independent.

Lamelie · 20/04/2023 09:34

It sounds like you’ve done good parenting. It’s good that you’ve anticipated she might be anxious and even greater that she doesn’t seem to be.

Sanch1 · 20/04/2023 09:35

This is a good thing!

NeatCompactSleeper · 20/04/2023 09:35

Yes, completely wrong 🙄

She's gaining her independence and that's a good thing.

Kids are all different. One out of my three would've been very nervous, but not the other two.

SillyMe101 · 20/04/2023 09:36

Like the PPs I think this sounds ideal! She is totally confident that you’ll be there for her when she gets back, and that she’ll be safe and looked after while she’s away 🙂

PuttingDownRoots · 20/04/2023 09:36

Sounds like healthy attachment... shes secure at home, so trusts that she will be fine with teachers. And is probably very excited to be with friends.

I'm a Cubeader so take a lot of 8yos away, and even younger. I hate to say this... most don't miss their parents. They are too busy having fun. The parents worry about it more!

StaceySolomonSwash · 20/04/2023 09:39

Great job! You've got a confident independent child there.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/04/2023 09:39

Your daughter is adventurous and self-confident. How is this a problem? You're making this all about you.

35965a · 20/04/2023 09:42

Aquamarine1029 · 20/04/2023 09:39

Your daughter is adventurous and self-confident. How is this a problem? You're making this all about you.

This is true ^

bridgetreilly · 20/04/2023 09:43

Plenty of children (me) never felt any fear or worry about leaving home. I went to boarding school and never cried at leaving home. My mother cried for weeks.

TizerorFizz · 20/04/2023 09:43

@TulipVictory My DDs both went on residentials in y3. So one DD was 7, the other was still 6. They went off in the coach very happily. I expected them too as they were keen to go. It’s absolutely the best feeling that you have a confident child who can be happy when not with you. Look at how her world will open up with such confidence! You should be very happy and she will really enjoy this time with friends!

My DDs did a term’s school exchange when they were 13. In South Africa. DH and I didn’t go with them. They just travelled with a friend also doing the exchange. Confidence is a great gift! Be happy about it!

shintyminty · 20/04/2023 09:45

Congratulations! You've done a good job as a parent.

viques · 20/04/2023 09:45

I will let you know what will happen. All day today she will be really excited at the new place, finding her bed space, rushing about with her friends working out the layout of the centre/camp, then unpacking, putting her pjs and teddy on her bed, then the whirlwind of doing all the activities,lunch, more activities. She won’t have a minute to think about home.

In the evening they will have supper, do the wind down activities , get into their pj,feeling like some kid in a film, or Hermione on her first night at Hogwarts. When she gets into bed they will be giggly and chatty, but exhausted from fresh air and tired bodies. This is the time she might feel a bit tearful, but she will hug her teddy and fall asleep.

Tomorrow morning she will finish off the trip, then come home to you having taken a huge step forward in her development.

MoggyMittens23 · 20/04/2023 09:49

You have done nothing wrong at all. This is fantastic! She is obviously very secure. I bet she will be very excited to see you when you collect her

OoooohMatron · 20/04/2023 09:52

I'd be more worried if she didn't want to go!

User57632678 · 20/04/2023 09:54

No, I was exactly like this as a child. Loved my mum to pieces but I was totally unphased by going away to sleepovers/school trips/away with friends families. I remember finding the kids that couldn’t cope with sleepovers or being away from their parents really odd.

emmathedilemma · 20/04/2023 09:55

Another vote for you having raised a confident, independent young lady!

BMW6 · 20/04/2023 09:55

Come on OP, you are taking this as if she doesn't care about YOU so you're miffed!

Turn it around and congratulate yourself for raising her to have confidence and independence. Good parenting!

ferneytorro · 20/04/2023 09:57

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 09:32

I’ve one of those. So different from me who was scared and timid that at first I couldn’t understand how she was so different. Partly though because she didn’t live in a house where there was arguing and fighting and on one of the rare occasions I did sleep over I came back and my dad had punched my mum and she had a black eye.

it’s something to be pleased about id say, she’s confident , embrace it. And remember she’s not you!

Thesearmsofmine · 20/04/2023 09:58

This is quite normal and a good thing. She is confident, is with people she knows and she will see you when she gets back.

LaLaLouella · 20/04/2023 10:00

You want her to be unhappy about a fun trip and cry about missing you rather than enjoying herself? That's a very strange attitude....

Be happy about the fact you've raised an adventurous little girl, please don't try and make her feel guilty about the fact she's not sad about being away from you for a few hours!

Original poster

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 10:02

Thanks for sharing that @ferneytorro I think I was probably shy and didn't want to go anywhere too because my upbringing was more dysfunctional.

I see this is a good thing now 😊

OP posts:

Marblessolveeverything · 20/04/2023 10:02

She will be fine and fair play to you - raising her to have the confidence that let her face forward and head on her little adventure.

She is with her peers and teachers and she will be fine. I appreciate it is very difficult to not think of your own experiences as it frames our perspectives. But celebrate your achievement and hers and look forward to hearing about her trip.

drsp51 · 20/04/2023 10:07

Please don’t worry but congratulate yourself on having done a great job. Both of my sons went off on their first day at school (eldest only 4 and 1 week) without a backward look whilst a lot of their classmates were clinging to mums legs and crying. I beat myself up for a while thinking that I must have been a terrible mother for them not to mind leaving me but then realised the opposite was more likely. When my younger son was on his first PGL holiday, I didn’t have a single phone call, when I tried to contact him, the staff said that he was enjoying himself so much he hadn’t had time!

Heartsnrainbows · 20/04/2023 10:09

I'd see this as positive. She's secure, confident and independent.

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