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Original poster

Child's first night away and she doesn't care

100 replies

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 09:32

Okay I'm just worried I've done something wrong parenting wise here.
My daughter is 8, has never stayed away a night and has gone off on her school trip this morning said goodbye and not even looked back. I won't see her until Friday evening. She's never stayed away before, I was worried about her not being able to cope with the overnight stay so almost offered to take her to the day trip and pick her up in the evening so she didn't have to stay the night. But she didn't even seem to care! Have I done something wrong here. I remember overnight stays as a child making me feel sick and nervous and miss my Mum.

OP posts:
cherish123 · 20/04/2023 21:25

Nope. Your DD's behaviour here is a sign of a secure attachment.

DanceMonster · 20/04/2023 21:27

My 7 year old did her first overnight residential a few weeks ago and she couldn’t have cared less! She was so excited that she didn’t look back. She had a brilliant time.
Her older sister was completely different and worked herself up into a state about going on her first residential. I don’t think it was anything to do with my parenting, they’re just different personalities. I was pleased that my 7 year old wasn’t nervous!

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 20/04/2023 21:28

As pp said - you've done it just right! She's happy, confident, having a good time with her friends, secure in the knowledge you'll be there for her when she needs you.

anon1968 · 20/04/2023 21:36

I would have loved my daughter to have had the confidence to do this instead of her crying. She loved the days just struggles staying over, but yet was determined to stick it out, our nightly calls with her and the teacher to settle her at bedtime broke my heart, yet i was so proud of her for persevering.

LeFeu · 20/04/2023 21:37

No my kids are all like this - always happy to see me when I get back though! Be glad your dd is going to have an awesome trip then enjoy the lovely hugs when she gets back

katepilar · 20/04/2023 21:48

Why do you think you have done something wrong? You've done very well as your child feels secure enough to go on a three day trip.

Your anxiety though seems to be still extremely high.

How do you know she hasnt looked back since going away?

firsttimemum1230 · 20/04/2023 21:53

Sounds like you’ve managed to do it right, I wouldn’t want my child to cry for me or miss me too much to miss out on fun. I am surprised at how easy she found it after not spending a night away from you in 8 years but it looks like she’s ready and you all are doing great! Just try and relax Friday is tomorrow and she’ll have great stories to tell!

mainsfed · 20/04/2023 21:56

Okay I'm just worried I've done something wrong parenting wise here.

Did you want to raise a child who is ‘sick and nervous’ rather than confident? Ok Confused

EconomyClassRockstar · 20/04/2023 22:19

Agree with everyone else. It's healthy! But will also add, I remember having the best time at one particular brownie camp and coming home and just bursting into tears as soon as I was home because I had missed my Mum but didn't realize until I got home. My eldest did exactly the same thing when he went to summer camp.

KitKatLove · 20/04/2023 22:22

If they had become hysterical about leaving you then you probably would have posted about how embarrassing it was and wondered where you had gone wrong. The joys of parental guilt.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 20/04/2023 22:25

Why would you want a clingy child?

Merangutan · 20/04/2023 22:26

It’s great that she’s secure and confident! I’ve taken so many children away on school trips as a teacher and some would cry and cling as if something horrendous was being done to them and others happily got on with having fun. Part of good parenting is teaching a bit of independence, resilience and adventure. You’ve done that. You definitely do not want to use a lack of clinginess as a measure of your parenting!

BlackFlyChardonnay · 20/04/2023 22:30

She sounds confident and well adjusted.

Nothing bad that you've done. All three of my kids have completely different personalities, needs, and quirks. They've all got the same parents, so I've concluded they're just different.

EggInANest · 20/04/2023 22:30

I was worried about her not being able to cope with the overnight stay so almost offered to take her to the day trip and pick her up in the evening

Well done for resisting the offer! Be proud of her! She has not absorbed your own anxieties and insecurities! Please, never again consider assuming or projecting worry that she does not feel and does not need to feel.

Usernamqwerty · 20/04/2023 22:34

I was a child carer and had a lot of stress at home - I would have jumped at the chance to have a week away at this age!

willow7612 · 20/04/2023 22:35

It's great that she is confident and not worried about it and no reflection at all on parenting. I had one who would worry and get homesick and another that happily went away for 4 days at 8 years old. It is so much easier when you know they are happy going.

Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2023 22:38

Neither of mine have ever fussed about staying away overnight.
I’ve always seen it as a good thing. They are clearly confident and secure, happy to go knowing that we’ll be there when they come back. Believing that they’re safe and just off on an exciting adventure!

Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2023 22:38

I see it as a very positive reflection on their parenting.

OldFan · 20/04/2023 22:40

It's normal @TulipVictory - she's probably excited! If she was clingy and scared to go, that'd be more abnormal.

An ex said to me want that children don't want stuff, they just want to spend time with their parents.
I thought, well, a child with an ok home life probably takes that for granted.

OldFan · 20/04/2023 22:40

*said to me once

OldFan · 20/04/2023 22:43

I used to cry on my way home from a lot of places as I'd enjoyed where we'd been/who we'd seen.

Unless I was being taken to another stately home. Grin

TheChosenTwo · 20/04/2023 22:49

You sounded disappointed to not have her a crying quivering wreck hiding behind your skirt - why would you be worrying about her being confident and secure? Is this fake? I don’t really understand this thread!
Having taken kids away en masse for residential school trips the children who were very tearful did usually settle but required a lot more attention and extra eyes kept on them to make sure they were okay, the less kids crying and weeping the better.

ZenNudist · 20/04/2023 22:53

Good news she is so secure. Both my dc are like this. Any kind of trip or new experience met with enthusiasm and confidence. No backward glance to me. You should have seen the way my youngest hot footed it into his reception taster, made the teacher laugh at lack of sentiment or backward glance. So happy to be growing up! 🥰

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2023 22:56

Sounds like you’ve done things right!

I hated being away from home (unless with gps) well into secondary school, and was really homesick. That’s not a good way to be.

ShandaLear · 20/04/2023 23:00

My DD absolutely loved her first trip away and came home full of stories and gift shop tat. Your DD is not phased because she is confident and secure, knows it’s only for a few nights, and knows she will be safe and well cared for. It’s a wonderful opportunity for her and she will have a great time. I always laugh when I think of my anxious friend who spent ages buying and carefully packing every single thing on the list, only to open his luggage on his return to find everything exactly as she had packed it apart from his pyjamas. He was a bit smelly but none the worse for wear.

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