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Original poster

Child's first night away and she doesn't care

100 replies

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 09:32

Okay I'm just worried I've done something wrong parenting wise here.
My daughter is 8, has never stayed away a night and has gone off on her school trip this morning said goodbye and not even looked back. I won't see her until Friday evening. She's never stayed away before, I was worried about her not being able to cope with the overnight stay so almost offered to take her to the day trip and pick her up in the evening so she didn't have to stay the night. But she didn't even seem to care! Have I done something wrong here. I remember overnight stays as a child making me feel sick and nervous and miss my Mum.

OP posts:
ferneytorro · 20/04/2023 10:12

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 10:02

Thanks for sharing that @ferneytorro I think I was probably shy and didn't want to go anywhere too because my upbringing was more dysfunctional.

I see this is a good thing now 😊

That was exactly me. She’s very shy - no I’m bloody traumatised and as a result have a buggered up attachment style!

sobeyondthehills · 20/04/2023 10:15

DS went for his first overnight trip with his aunt without a backwards glance.

I was a mess.

When he got home spent the evening wailing how much he missed his aunt. When he was with her, nothing about me.

Its normal for some kids

NowItsSpring · 20/04/2023 10:18

BakedTattie · 20/04/2023 09:33

Sounds like you’ve done everything right! You’ve made her strong and independent.

Absolutely this!

Skybluepinky · 20/04/2023 10:52

Sounds like u have done everything right but now are craving them being upset and wanting u.

Trysbutfails · 20/04/2023 10:59

That’s how a secure, confident child behaves. Be pleased!

Though for everyone saying, “well done!”, children with wonderful parents and stable families can still be shy and anxious.

Lcb123 · 20/04/2023 11:07

That’s a sign of excellent parenting I think! Can’t believe she’s gone this long without an overnight stay though.

gogohmm · 20/04/2023 11:14

My dd went away to an orchestra project at 9, never met them before and never bothered even phoning (I had got her a basic phone especially!)

HappyMumOfGirlies · 20/04/2023 20:05

Why are you worried that your child has confidence and is assured she will have a good time? This is great. Well done Mum 👍🏻 Also, doesn’t mean she won’t miss you.

itsmylife7 · 20/04/2023 20:37

What a lovely confident child you've got. 😊

SargentSagittarius · 20/04/2023 20:42

I am so glad I have two confident, happy, keen to have adventures and be challenged DC.

I look at other children - some in particular - that are so desperately timid and clingy and thank God for my two.

Nothing warms my heart more than seeing them excited and heading off - and then being happy to come home.

I was a pretty timid child, and I love that my DC have so much more confidence than I did. Every time they go out into the world on their own and have those experiences, it further builds their confidence, and far more importantly, their resilience.

SargentSagittarius · 20/04/2023 20:45

Though for everyone saying, “well done!”, children with wonderful parents and stable families can still be shy and anxious.

Very true - this was me!

LaughingCat · 20/04/2023 20:46

Ahhhh….this is a lovely thread! Love that she’s so secure in her attachment that she’s happy to head off with friends. And she’ll be SO HAPPY to see you again tomorrow as well!!!

But, can I just check…are sleepovers not a thing nowadays? I was sleeping over with friends from 5 or 6 and they were sleeping at ours too. I used to LOVE those nights! By 8, we were going on holidays with each other to their parents’ caravans and the like.

DJT86 · 20/04/2023 20:46

Our child went to Brownies camp last year at 7 for 2 nights had a great time, initial slight wobble but to say she got worried is not the case. We felt it was positive that she felt it was great to have some independence and the confidence to go.

Tailfeather · 20/04/2023 20:52

I agree that you've done everything right. Making them feel loved, secure AND independent is important.

Dixiechickonhols · 20/04/2023 20:52

LaughingCat · 20/04/2023 20:46

Ahhhh….this is a lovely thread! Love that she’s so secure in her attachment that she’s happy to head off with friends. And she’ll be SO HAPPY to see you again tomorrow as well!!!

But, can I just check…are sleepovers not a thing nowadays? I was sleeping over with friends from 5 or 6 and they were sleeping at ours too. I used to LOVE those nights! By 8, we were going on holidays with each other to their parents’ caravans and the like.

They seemed to have become less of a thing I think due to Covid. We’ve had some brownies age 7 never slept away before, pack holiday I’d their first time.
You did the right thing op letting her go and I bet she’s had a lovely time.

SargentSagittarius · 20/04/2023 20:56

LaughingCat · 20/04/2023 20:46

Ahhhh….this is a lovely thread! Love that she’s so secure in her attachment that she’s happy to head off with friends. And she’ll be SO HAPPY to see you again tomorrow as well!!!

But, can I just check…are sleepovers not a thing nowadays? I was sleeping over with friends from 5 or 6 and they were sleeping at ours too. I used to LOVE those nights! By 8, we were going on holidays with each other to their parents’ caravans and the like.

They’re absolutely a thing here - kids love them.

CrackerAndPudding · 20/04/2023 20:59

It sounds like you've done a fantastic job. I hope mine is as confident as yours thr first full night away!

Helenloveslee4eva · 20/04/2023 21:02

Huh?
the job of a parent is to make them selves redundant long term - by baby steps to an independent adult hood.
congratulations on managing step 1 well

WandaWonder · 20/04/2023 21:04

If this is real, it is weird you want her upset?

It is not about you, it is a good thing

Trollsinmyeggbox · 20/04/2023 21:05

This is literally the whole point of attachment parenting.

Echobelly · 20/04/2023 21:12

Brilliant, you have an independent kid who can cope on her own.

I was never homesick on schooltrips and my 14YO isn't either - they've been away for uo to 2 weeks (summer camp) and have said they weren't homesick, although admitted to missing the cat. 😉

Not missing you doesn't mean they're not attached, it just means they're more excited about going away than worried about missing home, which is great.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 20/04/2023 21:13

Staying overnight at 8 is a normal thing hence why school has arranged it. Why would you pick her up instead unless she really couldn’t cope, she will never gain independence if you prevent her from doing the normal things for her age that help to develop independence and confidence.

Persuaderama · 20/04/2023 21:13

I went away at a similar age, on my own with no-one I knew. And I didn’t care either, I was fine. Some people just are.

I still love my mum and dad very much!

Persuaderama · 20/04/2023 21:14

And yes sleepovers are a thing, my daughter has been to hundreds!

Noodles1234 · 20/04/2023 21:24

sounds perfect!

hope she has a great time.