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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Child's first night away and she doesn't care

100 replies

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 09:32

Okay I'm just worried I've done something wrong parenting wise here.
My daughter is 8, has never stayed away a night and has gone off on her school trip this morning said goodbye and not even looked back. I won't see her until Friday evening. She's never stayed away before, I was worried about her not being able to cope with the overnight stay so almost offered to take her to the day trip and pick her up in the evening so she didn't have to stay the night. But she didn't even seem to care! Have I done something wrong here. I remember overnight stays as a child making me feel sick and nervous and miss my Mum.

OP posts:

reesewithoutaspoon · 20/04/2023 23:18

ShandaLear · 20/04/2023 23:00

My DD absolutely loved her first trip away and came home full of stories and gift shop tat. Your DD is not phased because she is confident and secure, knows it’s only for a few nights, and knows she will be safe and well cared for. It’s a wonderful opportunity for her and she will have a great time. I always laugh when I think of my anxious friend who spent ages buying and carefully packing every single thing on the list, only to open his luggage on his return to find everything exactly as she had packed it apart from his pyjamas. He was a bit smelly but none the worse for wear.

Lol that reminded me of my sons first cub camp. Came him in the same undies he went in. Didnt have to wash a single thing in his pack (he went straight in the bath though)

Boogiewoogieanddance · 20/04/2023 23:58

Deffinatley a positive. She knows you'll be there when she gets home and in the interim if she needs you so she has nothing to worry about.

I have always done shift work so my DD never had a regular routine when I was home in the evening or for school pick ups and she hated going into school and going away for the night even though she was well used to it. When I went off on Maternity leave she was like a different child because she knew I would be home for her when she was finished. She is so much more confident now and is begging for sleepovers.

Sj07 · 21/04/2023 01:38

No you've done everything right. She is confident and happy enough to go and give it a try. Hopefully she will manage the whole week and will have an amazing time. My sons just back from his and had a blast with his friends, four of them in a room together, loads of memories made. Loved all the activities etc. I still remember my week away with primary school before we moved up, one of the best weeks of my life. Fingers crossed she sticks it out and comes home full of stories to tell you 🙂

AskMeMore · 21/04/2023 01:40

I used to work at a holiday centre with 7-9 year olds. Most did not miss their parents. They were too busy having fun.

Zola1 · 21/04/2023 02:16

My eldest was never bothered, she did school overnight trips, sport related sponsored sleepovers, and gymnastics residential from around 7 or 8. She always skipped off with a 'see ya later mum', and was the first in the queue for activities like abseiling and rafting.
She definitely liked me (prob doesn't as much now), and starting primary and high school were very much the same experience. I think it just means they're secure and trust the world around them.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/04/2023 11:16

You haven't done something wrong, you're daughter is just confident.

If anything, be careful not to project you're own insecurity on to her - don't ask her if she missed you, ask how much fun she had etc. Don't suggest you could have picked her up, I'm glad you didn't and gave her this chance.

Otherwise next time she might not go.

MyDogHumpsThings · 21/04/2023 15:36

This is a you problem

Harleyband · 21/04/2023 18:21

Two of my 3 DCs happily went off for a week of camp at the age of 7. The other still won't consider more than a night away at the age of 13. Each child is different. Neither option is wrong.

viques · 21/04/2023 18:25

I am assuming the trip is over and the children all returned home, possibly missing a few socks. I hope@TulipVictory comes back to let us know how it went. I hope little TulipVictory had a lovely time.

niugboo · 21/04/2023 18:57

Sounds like you’ve nailed it to me.

Trishthedish · 21/04/2023 19:49

Shows that you are great parent. She’s happy and confident and will have regale you with her exploits when she comes home. Well done you

pollymere · 21/04/2023 19:49

Don't worry! I remember being with the Mums at Beaver or Brownie camp and we were all tearful and worried. The kids had a great time and didn't look back, honestly.

Endlesssummer2022 · 21/04/2023 19:53

She feels safe and confident and is excited to spend the night with her friends. This is good.

I know there’s some weird thing where some people think kids need to be wailing about missing you to demonstrate they’re attached to you but all kids are different, there’s nothing wrong.

Pelsall116 · 21/04/2023 19:58

I was exactly the same as a child; nothing to worry about and far from getting anything wrong you sound like you have done it just right

OhcantthInkofaname · 21/04/2023 20:29

You are upset because you raised a confident, independent child? I think you should be proud of it. Be grateful she has a sense of adventure.

Teachertired92 · 21/04/2023 20:42

This shows that your daughter has a really secure attachment to you and you have done a great job! Well done!

TanukiMario · 21/04/2023 21:16

I cant believe you managed to go 8 years without a night away from your child 🤯

Teenagehorrorbag · 21/04/2023 22:15

Agree you've done a great job and she's fine.

My DTs have always been fine about sleepovers - DS had an overnight sleepover at a softplay with Beavers when he was 6, and I thought it was a bonkers idea. But the leaders did it every year and said it was always fine - and it was.

But the same year I went to London for a weekend with a friend and left the DTs for the first time. DH was there to look after them and brought them to the train station to see me off. Suddenly DD started bawling her eyes out, and DH said they both cried all the way home. I rang in the evening and he said they did the same again!

I still firmly believe they just felt they 'ought to be sad' . DH said they were fine the rest of the time. Hilarious in hindsight, although it did make me feel awful at the time.....! (I went again a couple of months later and took them too, they loved it!).

Hope your DD has a brilliant time.

ohjeesus · 21/04/2023 22:21

You are great and you should be proud

kennycat · 22/04/2023 00:09

Sounds like my daughter. i was a real worrier as a child (andadult) and cried about everything. My daughter toddles off everywhere without a care in the world. It always strikes me as strange but I’m also very glad I’ve not got a cling-on as I just couldn’t deal with that!
you’ve done a great job OP.

Mamanyt · 22/04/2023 02:53

Your one job as a parent is to rear a happy, well-adjusted, confident person. It sounds to me as if you have done everything right, not wrong. WELL DONE!

Mollymoostoo · 22/04/2023 08:37

TulipVictory · 20/04/2023 10:02

Thanks for sharing that @ferneytorro I think I was probably shy and didn't want to go anywhere too because my upbringing was more dysfunctional.

I see this is a good thing now 😊

You have raised a secure child, well done after what you went through. You should be really proud of yourself xx

threatmatrix · 22/04/2023 12:23

All you’ve done wrong (not) is raise a confident young lady. You should be very pleased.

ILoveEYFS · 22/04/2023 19:09

You have done nothing wrong. In fact you have done everything right. You've raised a strong, confident young lady who is safe in the knowledge that you will be there for her when she gets back, that you will have her back every time.

Juleslovesmaths · 23/04/2023 15:53

Absolutely not - you have raised a confident child who can go away and then return home safe in the knowledge she is loved and cared for . Well done !!

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