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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the way you look in photos...

107 replies

Fillyfrog · 19/04/2023 23:40

Is the way you look to everyone in real life?

I recently learnt in therapy that what you see in the mirror isn't what other people see, at all. They see a reverse image, so they see you as what you look like in photographs.

Been reading this article and it seems to confirm it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/selfies-vs-the-mirror-face_n_5a4faf77e4b01e1a4b14cdf9/amp

I know it sounds stupid but I can't stop thinking about it. What if you always look awful in photos?! I can't work out if I'm understanding it wrong and could do with some other opinions 🙈

So THAT’S Why We Look So Different In Selfies vs. The Mirror

If you've ever asked yourself, "Why does my face look crooked in pictures?" you should definitely read this.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/selfies-vs-the-mirror-face_n_5a4faf77e4b01e1a4b14cdf9/amp

OP posts:
Wetnwindy · 19/04/2023 23:44

I have the reverse problem ! I look a million time worse in photos…absolutely hate my pictures and family agree.

Original poster
Fillyfrog · 19/04/2023 23:47

That's what I'm talking about though... Is the way you look on photos, the image that people see in real life?

OP posts:
Ostryga · 19/04/2023 23:49

Hope not because I like how I look in a mirror but I look like a hag in photos 😂

Original poster
Fillyfrog · 19/04/2023 23:51

Me too...

OP posts:
MyMachineAndMe · 19/04/2023 23:52

Remember that a photo is a still frame whereas in real life people see you animated and moving so it's a bit different. Also, the lighting and the colour and intensity of the light makes a huge difference in how you look. The lens and how close or how far away you are from the lens matters too because it does distort you so can make your face look wider or your nose more pointy.

Wtfishappeningandwhy · 19/04/2023 23:55

No, a photo only captures a frozen image of a millisecond of your time, other people see an animated moving glowing living you, with all the light changes and expressions and glimmers of your personality

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 19/04/2023 23:55

You didn't know that the mirror is a reverse image of yourself? How could you not know this?

AbsolutePixels · 20/04/2023 00:01

Photos aren't exact depictions of your face because the lense size the photographer uses creates distortions. Phone cameras are particularly bad for this, if you hold them too close they give you a horsey look, with a big nose and a long midface.

And don't forget that photos can't capture the totality of your "vibe": your movements, facial expressions, voice, and general energy.

You like your reflection because you're familiar with it. There's a cognitive bias call the exposure effect which means we think people/faces we've seen a lot look better. Your family and friends are familiar with your face as it appears in real life so even though it's the not the same as the mirror image which you prefer, they'll think it looks good.

To think the way you look in photos...
Thepeopleversuswork · 20/04/2023 00:01

I’m horrifically unphotogenic. I’m no great beauty: average looks but scrub up well and I’m attractive because I’m animated and smile a lot so not insecure about my looks.

But by God when I see myself in photos a part of me dies. I swear I can’t look that bad.

HighInfidelity · 20/04/2023 00:03

I’m a pretty normal looking woman (I think) but I am hideous in photos. I really hope that’s not how people actually see me. Although Zoom isn’t much kinder to me. Maybe I’m just hideous and have a very kind mirror.

Want2beme · 20/04/2023 00:08

AbsolutePixels, that exclaims my huge beak. I swear it gets bigger each photo that's taken.

lukelovesu · 20/04/2023 00:11

I saw photos today of a recent holiday with extended family. Every single photo of me is so bad. I actually ruin group photos! How can I be so unphotogenic? I look like Shrek every time.

disneydatknee · 20/04/2023 00:15

Please also remember that whether it is a photo or a mirror you are looking at, the way you see yourself is still a million miles off what other people see when they look at you. You will immediately be drawn to your flaws because you are naturally critical of yourself. Those things won't be the first thing other people see when they look at you.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/04/2023 00:17

Oh boy yeah just saw a bunch of pictures of me on vacation. It was bad!

I’m not terribly worried about it.

Weirdly, the thing I can’t seem to get over is the idea that we see everything upside down and our brain adjusts. So is the world upside down from what we think it is?

HighInfidelity · 20/04/2023 00:28

saltinesandcoffeecups · 20/04/2023 00:17

Oh boy yeah just saw a bunch of pictures of me on vacation. It was bad!

I’m not terribly worried about it.

Weirdly, the thing I can’t seem to get over is the idea that we see everything upside down and our brain adjusts. So is the world upside down from what we think it is?

Not just upside down but 2D. Our brain fills in a lot and it really does make you wonder about how accurate it all is!

BritInAus · 20/04/2023 00:43

The older I get, the more I realise that most people, most of the time, couldn't give a crap about what you look like.

RunningUpThatMill · 20/04/2023 00:50

I suppose unless you have an identical twin, you can't really know what you actually look like to others 😳. Even then it might not be accurate?

I'm ghastly in photos, but I think I'm decent looking when looking in the mirror.

I have a decent looking DH, so I'm going with mirror image - at least I'm moving about when looking in a mirror.

RunningUpThatMill · 20/04/2023 00:51

Also, DH being decent looking is also very subjective

Glitterybee · 20/04/2023 00:54

I only learned this last week at almost 36 years of age. My 11 year old was horrified as it’s apparently common sense!

I googled it after my seeing my reflection on a colleagues laptop when she was screen sharing - I looked completely different on her screen than I did on mine. I actually can’t believe the difference and if I’m being honest still don’t really understand it 🤯

handsoffate · 20/04/2023 00:56

My dh is ridiculously photogenic, and I’m the opposite. I even cringe at our wedding photos. But in real life I reckon I’m averagely ok. It’s disheartening.

PickleOfAConundrum · 20/04/2023 00:56

I do not like my photo being taken at all. I look awful in them. My daughter is very photogenic and captured so many amazing photos of her but then my mug shot ruins the photo 😂. I definitely do look so different in reality than on camera!

Offleyhoo · 20/04/2023 00:59

So my theory is that if you are fairly symmetrical you will always look better to yourself in photos v someone asymmetrical e.g. side parting, mole on one side, scar etc because your mirror image does look much more like you really look. Also agree that you look worse to yourself because you focus on flaws and it's a snapshot in time. In fact I tested this theory the other day looking looking at a fab picture of a friend and I thought how great she looked, beaming smile etc and then thought that had it been a photo of me i would have looked closer to see if my teeth looked wonky, outfit flattered me etc rather than seeing it as a fab photo of a lovely woman. We are our own worst critics etc

ExtraLargeCupOfTea · 20/04/2023 01:05

Weirdly, the thing I can’t seem to get over is the idea that we see everything upside down and our brain adjusts. So is the world upside down from what we think it is?

Hang on, what?

LemonSwan · 20/04/2023 01:49

Yes that’s true about the upside down. Mad isn’t it!

Wewereonabreak88 · 20/04/2023 02:58

The world is the right way up. But the image is flipped upside down when the light passes through our eyes. So the brain flips it the correct way up again.