To think the way you look in photos...

[Fillyfrog]

Is the way you look to everyone in real life?

I recently learnt in therapy that what you see in the mirror isn't what other people see, at all. They see a reverse image, so they see you as what you look like in photographs.

Been reading this article and it seems to confirm it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/selfies-vs-the-mirror-face_n_5a4faf77e4b01e1a4b14cdf9/amp

I know it sounds stupid but I can't stop thinking about it. What if you always look awful in photos?! I can't work out if I'm understanding it wrong and could do with some other opinions 🙈

Some photos of mine I like (ahem..those from twenty years ago) and some are horrendous (those from the last 5 years...). But even when I thought I was really good looking all those years ago, there were some photos on which I looked great and some photos on which I looked rubbish. My point is that how a photo looks depends on many factors, such as lighting, angle, etc. It's not what other people see as people see you as a whole and in motion. Their brains will put together the combination of good and bad lighting and favourable and unfavourable angles and form a picture of you that is also modified by their own brain. So, no, I don't think it's possible to know how you look to other people and it's very unlikely to be what you see on a photo.

A lot of our vision is not accurate but is curated by our brain and that is different for every person (remember the dress colour debate?).

My slightly lopsided mouth shows up in photos but I never see this in the mirror or when caught in video/ms teams

my dads does too and only in photos but I never see it at other times

Some people look like themselves in pictures and some don’t. It’s not three dimensional so can flatten out peoples features. I had a boss who looked like she had a massive wide face in pictures when she didn’t in real life.

I absolutely dread seeing pictures of myself. This made me feel so much better - Thank you.

I think not necessarily. When you are looking at your dh your brain is applying filters and modifications based on your experiences of viewing him. This is why he will look similar on both photos and in person to you. When you look at his photo you see th person you know.

Conversely has it ever happened to you that you've seen a photo of someone first before meeting them and then realised they looked fairly different in person? It happens to me all the time and I think that shows that photos are not really the same as what people see us

It's not most people's best angle.

Most people look better in real life than they do in photos, unless the photo is ridiculously air brushed. As people have said it depends so much on lighting, angle and so on.

IKR 😆

Don't feel like that - remember other people have always seen you from outside, and they are absolutely fine with it. It is like when you hear your voice recorded and think "What the fuck?! Why do I sound like Ryanair cabin crew?!" because your voice sounds different from inside your ears when you are speaking. But other people have always heard the version you hear recorded, and it sounds totally normal to them.

Photos are two-dimensional and we see in three dimensions if we have two working eyes.

Also, when we look at others, our eyes scan around, picking up expressions, curls of the lips, twinkles in eyes, so we don’t really look the same when we are moving.

Nah watch a video on different camera lenses and how much it distorts the face. You can go from very slim to huge face just on lense. People see you moving not a still image.

@GoodByeMyDearBrain that's given me hope

What I've never been able to understand is how us mere mortals can look completely different in photos Vs real life whereas celebs look much the same in both instances albeit usually shorter / skinner than you might think. They can't all be freakishly symmetrical!

In the limited sense regarding reversal of the image you are correct, but as pps have said there are so many other factors which contribute to the way you appear in a photo Vs a mirror/real life: animation, brain biases/ familiarity, lens/lighting/ distance distortions.

It is interesting to see someone you know well in the mirror - they look so odd. When it happened recently with my Dad I had to turn round to look him in the face to check he wasn't having a stroke - looking at him face on, he looked completely normal. Whereas of course the mirror version of himself will be his normal idea of how he looks so the photographed version will look strange to him. Objectively neither is strange looking, but our brains are so attuned to the faces of those we see regularly that all we notice is the way they don't meet our expectation, not the objective picture.

The extent to which people remind us of people we like or dislike also plays a part in the way we perceive attractiveness.

@Fillyfrog The reason you think you look so odd in photos is precisely because of the mirror thing.

You're used to identifying yourself as you see yourself in the mirror, which isn't what you truly look like, it's reversed. So when you look at yourself in a photo you're not seeing what you expect, and it gives you an uncanny valley sensation, that's something off.

Everyone else see's the non-reversed version of you all the time, so notices nothing different in a photo. (Weirdly, selfie cameras often flip the image for precisely this reason, so you think you look more like you. It does make you look off to anyone else who knows you).

There's also the fact its a still image. I think my DP is absolutely stunning. But she doesn't photograph well. She's still pretty, but suddenly she's not stunning. And I think the difference is the lack of movement, the little half smiles, eyebrow raises etc. Some people look better in a still image I think, but most look better in motion.

But you also think photos look wrong because you are fixed on the idea of what you look like in the mirror.

My sister and I also picked up "mirror face" from our mum. It looks ridiculous when you see someone else do it - bulgy eyes and pouty lips. My husband says I look like a mad pouty fish. He must be right because my sister and mum look like mad pouty fish too. But it's just a muscle reaction to do what we THINK makes a nice face in the mirror. And when I look in the mirror, I don't think I look like a mad pouty fish.

Well they are unusual looking. That's why they've been selected. Most people don't look like that. Even they have all sorts of magic done before they step out. Didn't a supermodel once say that at 7am with no makeup, even she didn't look like Cindy Crawford?

I look absolutely awful in photos. It's been a source of sadness for me my entire life. I just don't take a good photo. I hate anything that requires a photo.

In mirrors I look marginally better perhaps but I'm not the most attractive person so I can't expect much.

When you think you're unphotogenic it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy where you tense up and look really awkward and weird in photos. Photogenic people are really comfortable in front of the camera, they have relaxed smiles and naturally squinch their eyes.

How do you manage to do your hair or anything if you don't realise the mirror shows everything on the other side?

Nah, in relaxed and candid shots where I don't know I'm being photographed, I still look like Worzel Gummidge.

I hate photos of myself as I am the least photogenic person ever. I just look awful
I tend to avoid.
My passport photo and driving license one is terrible (luckily they don't often see the light of day )

I remember seeing my beautiful gran in the mirror and being horrified that she looked so different. All twisted and weird. I remember six year old me trying to communicate this to her but I don’t think it went down very well. I remember feeling sorry for her and wanting her to know how pretty she was

Seeing myself on camera in work Teams meetings during lockdown totally destroyed what little self confidence I had, I look like Jabba the Hut.