to be so torn regarding having a baby on my own?

103 replies

Frankenweenie · 17/04/2023 19:54

Name changed for this one. I have a lovely son, age 4, about to go to school. I don't want a relationship. I've been single since he was born and absolutely love being a lone parent. I'm good financially, I live in a lovely house which I've made my own, have a good job, and lots of family support. I love my life. I really, really would love another child, possibly two but not thought too far ahead yet. I've been toying with the idea of sperm donation. I'd love to do it, but the only thing stopping me is the worry that a child could grow up to be affected by the way they were conceived. Is it ethical? Is it really OK to do this? I'm so torn. I want another biological child but don't want to if they're going to potentially be traumatised by the mere fact that they exist. It sounds awfully dramatic but I feel like a lot of people don't think about this side of things. Does anyone have an opinion on it?

OP posts:

emptythelitterbox · 19/04/2023 02:04

Can2022getanyworse · 18/04/2023 18:28

Everyone. EVERYONE has a daddy.

Some are present and amazing. Some are present and awful. Some aren't present but desperately want to be, some are absent, but the child is aware of them, for better or worse.

That's on the fella himself.

VOr sometimes the mum, if she excludes him from the child's life. What op is suggesting is to completely exclude half of her dc's genetic history from her potential child's life. To prevent them from knowing half of their life (again, for better or worse). Not because her body doesn't work and needs help to conceive, but because she is actively choosing to exclude a father from her child's life. That child will be daddy-less for 18 years, likely longer. There will be no second parent (of either sex) to support her, to support thee child.

Would I hurt my child to take away half of their physical being? Never in a million years. Op is chosing to take away half heer child's emotional being, their sense of self, of wholeness, of completeness, by chosing to do this.

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Dude, this is a bit silly.
Single parent homes aren't unusual at all. 3 million in the UK.

Can2022getanyworse · 19/04/2023 08:31

emptythelitterbox · 19/04/2023 02:04

Dude, this is a bit silly.
Single parent homes aren't unusual at all. 3 million in the UK.

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Dude, I know. I grew up in one. My kids are growing up in one. My dad was around, my kid's dad isn't at the moment. Their families are part of our lives. But I, and they know who our dad's are. Where our genetics come from. What our heritage is.

To purposefully exclude that part of a child's identity for no other reason than 'i quite fancy it' is abhorrent to me.

Nimblesandbimbles · 19/04/2023 09:24

OP you sound very thoughtful. I’m not going to get in to the ethical side of using a donor but I would echo what a pp said about thinking about the future with your current DC. There are going to so many challenges ahead & they are going to need you in so many ways. I think having one teenager on your own would be emotionally draining let alone two! I would focus on giving your one DC the best possible life you can.

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