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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only person who never opens their front door to anyone?

585 replies

jugglingjugs · 17/04/2023 10:02

I just heard my front door go, so I hid in the kitchen out of sight, no idea who it was but I'm now very curious.
I wasn't expecting anyone, if it was family I would have answered because they wouldn't come unannounced.
I also never answer my phone if I don't recognise the number. Is this just me or does anyone else do this?
I have never really thought about why until now.

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 17/04/2023 11:25

I always answer the door, if only to shut the dog up!

I usually answer my phone. If I'm at work I'll quickly google any number I don't recognise to see if it comes up on one of those 'who-called-me' websites. By the time i've done that, it's usually 6 rings in, and if it was a cold caller they've moved on to the next victim call.

Slidingdowntherainbow · 17/04/2023 11:25

I answer the door to anyone during the day. In the evening, if I'm alone, I don't. If my partner's at home then I would.

WheelsUp · 17/04/2023 11:25

I don't answer phone calls where I don't know the number as they are scam/selling calls. I always answer the door though. Don't you ever order things online and get parcels?

Greydogs123 · 17/04/2023 11:26

I just read an article by a crime reporter who said you should always answer if someone knocks in the day because if it was a burglar then you are putting yourself at risk of them coming in to the house and then having to confront them, whereas, if you answer the door or even just shout “who is it” they are likely to just leave because they are looking for an empty house.

adulthumanfemalemum · 17/04/2023 11:27

BadLad · 17/04/2023 10:15

Mumsnet is a fascinating insight into people’s neuroses.

Yes indeed. There's some strange people out there.

Of course I open my door and answer my phone. Door is nearly always a delivery so would be very inconvenient if I didn't answer it, and I run my own small business it would be very bad for business if I never answered my phone!

What are people so scared of? Worst case scenario is it's a Jehovah's witness or someone selling something in which case you just say no thanks and shut the door. And if it's a scam caller just hang up. What if someone important is trying to contact you eg hospital, someone about your tax or benefits etc??

GeraltsBathtub · 17/04/2023 11:27

friendsinplaces · 17/04/2023 11:18

When did this start to be a thing? It's crazy. I have security so I can see the person on the doorstep and speak to them if I don't know them, but I wouldn't ignore that they are there. As for not answering the phone - what is going to happen to you if you get someone you don't want to talk to? Nothing.

Why do you need to acknowledge cold callers? They’ll just go away if you ignore them and you haven’t had to tell them that you aren’t interested in becoming a Jehovah’s Witness/donating to cats protection. Win-win!

NeatCompactSleeper · 17/04/2023 11:28

BadLad · 17/04/2023 10:15

Mumsnet is a fascinating insight into people’s neuroses.

It's no wonder MN is such a laughing stock to some people.

I can't imagine many men cowering away because someone's rang the doorbell or their phone and they're not expecting them.

Lifeomars · 17/04/2023 11:28

This is one of the most absurd things I have ever read on here. I live alone in a bad area but I still answer my door. If I am not expecting anyone I call out "Who is it?" and check through the window. I answer my phone even if I do not recognise the number, I have recently enrolled on a college course and would have missed vital communications calls if I ignored unknown numbers. What I don't do, is answer the door after dark if I am not expecting anyone . It's about being sensible rather than paranoid

Snazzysausage · 17/04/2023 11:28

I'm always amazed at the amount of people who say they don't open the door or answer the phone. I don't give it a second thought when either happens. Maybe it's my age - early60's - and it's a younger generation thing.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:28

You’re not the only one - it’s practically normal in mumsnet land. In real life I’d find it really odd and honestly be a bit concerned if my friend told me they ran to hide out of sight in the kitchen when the door went. And there’s no point being curious about who it was - you could have known who it was if you had answered the door.

fairycakes1234 · 17/04/2023 11:28

I find that sad that you almost seem like a prisoner in your own home.

WheelsUp · 17/04/2023 11:28

I avoid the window cleaner too. Bit embarrassing having a cuppa or whatever while he works on the window so I will suddenly have an important job in another room.

NeonBoomerang · 17/04/2023 11:29

I suffer with terrible anxiety and also my twenties were spent hiding from debt collectors. Getting a Ring doorbell has helped massively

lalaloopyhead · 17/04/2023 11:32

It wouldn't occur to me to not answer the door, unless I knew it was someone I didn't want to see. I would, for example not answer if I had seen coldcallers coming up the street.

Willowthecrisp · 17/04/2023 11:32

I always answer. It’s usually a delivery (for us or our neighbour) or one of the neighbours, occasionally a cold caller and I tell them I’m in a meeting or not interested or whatever.

GobbieMaggie · 17/04/2023 11:33

I have a video type door bell that is linked to my phone. If I don’t recognise the caller or they look dodgy then I simply don’t answer it : the dogs barking their heads off usually send the right message. Same with calls. I don’t answer calls I don’t recognise. If it’s important they’ll leave a message.

FiveShelties · 17/04/2023 11:34

tokka · 17/04/2023 10:52

Nope, I'm the same! I completely agree, I never open the door and it's always locked!

And for all the people mocking, ever heard of Jill Dando?

I would imagine for every single thing you do, something awful has happened to someone in the same circumstances.

Wetnwindy · 17/04/2023 11:34

Why would you not answer front door…lots a very strange people on MN !
Maybe if I lived somewhere with a lot of crime and gangs I would feel differently.

desperatedespy · 17/04/2023 11:35

adulthumanfemalemum · 17/04/2023 11:27

Yes indeed. There's some strange people out there.

Of course I open my door and answer my phone. Door is nearly always a delivery so would be very inconvenient if I didn't answer it, and I run my own small business it would be very bad for business if I never answered my phone!

What are people so scared of? Worst case scenario is it's a Jehovah's witness or someone selling something in which case you just say no thanks and shut the door. And if it's a scam caller just hang up. What if someone important is trying to contact you eg hospital, someone about your tax or benefits etc??

Show quote history

No, worst case scenario is that it's my neighbour who will talk for half an hour on the doorstep and not take a hint that I don't have the energy to listen to her rambling on so I won't be able to get rid of her (I can't just shut the door on her, we have to maintain decent relations as we try to help each other out sometimes). If that happens I may have to cancel plans later in the day or the next day in order to recover (I have ME/CFS so I don't have unlimited energy and I have to protect it. I'm not going to open the door to someone who might steal it). I think a lot of introverts are in the same situation, just less extreme.

Essexgirlupnorth · 17/04/2023 11:37

I normally answer the door especially when I am working from home as they can see someone is in (though the amount of delivery drivers think my neighbors front door is ours and expect me to answer it is high).

Do have a door camera so sometimes won't answer if it is a chugger and can't be arsed dealing with them. There was a guy who said he was just out of prison and selling stuff who knocked twice one night answered the first time and politely said know but came back later and I didn't answer the second time.

I don't generally answer unknown calls on my mobile. I figure if it is important they will leave a message. My phone had a call screening thing where it asks the caller to say who they are are and 99% hang up at that point. I don't like talking to people I don't know on the phone anyway.

Sunnygirl07 · 17/04/2023 11:38

DustyLee123 · 17/04/2023 10:06

I always look through the window to see who it is first, nothing wrong with being safe.

I agree.

But sometimes if they are by the door and you don't have a video camera, you can't see them.

I always ask 'HELLO' and they say through the door who they are.

I always answer phone calls as my husband has blocked all scam calls.

He checks the number online. If it's a scam number, he puts it on BLOCK.

willingtolearn · 17/04/2023 11:39

Reasons I have had to knock on total stranger's doors (well distant neighbours usually)

  1. To ask if it's their dog that is cowering by the side of the busy road in front of their house with a side gate open. As to why I didn't take it back to them - I'm really scared of dogs, but still tried to shoo it back towards it's home - it just looked at me in pity.
  2. To sadly inform them that I think I have seen their 'lost cat' (posters up in area) and would they like me to show them where their remains are - this was very difficult as their young child was also with them and their ears were very much 'on' when I mentioned I wanted to talk about their cat. I had to do the weird 'intense face' at the parent to indicate it might not be good to say too much at that time. I probably did look a bit scary.
  3. Because I've found a young child wandering who has told me this is where they live and they 'want to go home now'

I think you might want to open the door in these circumstances - or at least do a check on children and pets.

But apparently I'm intruding. I would really rather not be as I don't like talking to people either.

Dontcutthedaisies · 17/04/2023 11:39

I do but I can see who's at my door from my living room and it's usually my neighbour telling me I've left my headlights on again Blush.

I live in a safe neighbourhood with little crime though and have all my faculties. There are plenty scammers out there and I know quite a few elderly/vulnerable people who have fallen victim so it pays to be careful.

Kanaloa · 17/04/2023 11:39

desperatedespy · 17/04/2023 11:35

No, worst case scenario is that it's my neighbour who will talk for half an hour on the doorstep and not take a hint that I don't have the energy to listen to her rambling on so I won't be able to get rid of her (I can't just shut the door on her, we have to maintain decent relations as we try to help each other out sometimes). If that happens I may have to cancel plans later in the day or the next day in order to recover (I have ME/CFS so I don't have unlimited energy and I have to protect it. I'm not going to open the door to someone who might steal it). I think a lot of introverts are in the same situation, just less extreme.

Show quote history

I mean, just be polite but direct? This is the thing on here, functioning adults who seem terrified of any normal interaction. ‘Hi Julie, sorry I can’t chat at the minute as I’m in the middle of x - I’ll pop in tomorrow.’ Much less stressful and less time consuming than hiding in the kitchen then posting a thread online about how curious you are about who was at the door!

Abra1t · 17/04/2023 11:40

jugglingjugs · 17/04/2023 10:02

I just heard my front door go, so I hid in the kitchen out of sight, no idea who it was but I'm now very curious.
I wasn't expecting anyone, if it was family I would have answered because they wouldn't come unannounced.
I also never answer my phone if I don't recognise the number. Is this just me or does anyone else do this?
I have never really thought about why until now.

No. I don’t do this. Sometimes screen calls but always open door or landing window to see who it is. Have never hidden in my kitchen.