To ask if you’d consider me a failure? Be honest.

[Ladybirdshere]

I met with friends on Saturday I’ve been friends with for around 10 years. We are very close, meeting up twice a month on average and share things about our life.

Well Saturday turned out to be a sort of intervention for me by my two friends. They said that they wanted to speak to me as they’d been talking and they felt that life was passing me by and that they felt I wasn’t doing much with my life.

l I think this was mainly focused around around boyfriends and living situation as we are all 29, I am single but my friends are both engaged and both have children.

Anyway, would you consider me a failure?

1. I work in advertising for 32k a year
2. I’m well travelled, last year I went travelling around America on my own
3. I can drive and have my own car
4. I have a degree and a masters
5. Ive lived in 4 different cities in the past ten years

but I don’t have

1. a partner, I’ve been single around a three years. I had a really bad breakup and simply haven’t found a new person
2. i recently moved back in with my mum as my finances changed and it meant I couldn’t afford living alone.
3. I don’t have any children

Am I a failure? We sort of agreed to disagree and they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track :(

Oh my goodness you are still so young - life is not about reaching a destination but about enjoying the journey - which you sound like you are doing. If your friends really said/ think what you are saying, it says way more about their narrow minded mindset than it says about your life choices (nothing wrong with their life choices, but no reason for them to be judging yours). It sounds like you need to branch out to find more like minded friends.

Honestly OP the fact you're even questioning this is a huge red flag, why did you even listen to that or allow people to patronise you like that? That's the only element of failure here- your inability to hold your own against morons like them.

I don't normally post but I couldn't pass this one. You sound lovely and should be very proud of everything you've done so far but it's more than that, you sound very mature and balanced. They made an error and will realise it in time.

Do your friends watch Andrew Tate videos between nappy changes?

@Ladybirdshere I think you sound fabulous and your friends sound like dickbeads. The only thing I would say is with having children it gets harder as you get older especially with PCOS. But you are right to prioritise what you want, saving a deposit and helping your mum is a extra bonus. If you don't feel that gap, then you don't need to fill it " because your friends say so".

You need new friends. They’re idiots and quite possibly jealous. Husband and kids aren’t the key to happiness!

given my time again I’d have neither!

You're amazing!

And to the PP who says you need to move out- nonsense. She's fine where she is. Suits them all so why MENS what isn't broken.

Live your life and ditch your Mean Girl 'friends'!

Your life sounds a lot better than mine, by the time I was 29 I was a mum to 3 and have never had a career

They can fuck right off. You are doing great, it’s not the 1950s where you have to be married fgs. New more open minded friends needed I think!

The only criterion is - are you happy?

Your achievements sound great to me. It could be the very 'skewed' company you are keeping - unhealthily competitive and stressed about status etc. These attitudes are highly contagious though and it takes a bit of perspective to judge how you yourself feel about your life.

I really doubt it’s coming from genuine care about the PCOS. The symptoms and severity vary from woman to woman and most women with PCOS are able to conceive nowadays. I have PCOS too and my endocrinologist told me that (in our area anyway) access to fertility treatment is expedited for PCOS patients.

Your friends are being very, very weird.

Most people I know who have chosen not to have any children are certainly better off all round. ( I've always found this to be the case anyway. )
I love my own two, who are now late 20s, but it is relentless and worrying and seems even more difficult these days too. I think that many , (including one of my own sons) probably won't bother to have them , for many reasons. Which I totally understand tbh. I don't blame people and certainly wouldn't 'judge ' them for it. It's just narrow mindedness a lot of the time or being told ' this is the normal way of doing things' because we did , which is just rubbish.

Her friends aren't married either.

Because women with PCOS are more likely to need fertility treatment! You’ve contradicted your own point.

Yes, you need better friends. Life will knock a few corners off their smug self-satisfaction.

100% this- that’s exactly what I was going to say! You can do whatever u like whenever u like and don’t have to answer to anyone! I’d bet anything it’s pure jealousy on their part and I know it’s easier said than done but I would maybe try n find some friends you have more in common with? I’m so sorry about your past relationship & it’s so understandable that your taking ur time & maybe a bit nervous- if anyone who had been through that and said they weren’t nervous to get back into a relationship- they would be liars!
Good luck & enjoy wherever your travels take u to nxt! Xxx

Why can't we applaud single women instead of shaming them?
What a wonderful example to our younger generation a woman happily taking care of herself, instead of the shit show of relationships that miserably exist.

This thread has had me raging, I am 64, no children and no partner. Am I a failure, no, I am not and neither are you. You sound like a lovely level headed woman with her head screwed on and frankly those women are not your friends or if they are, then they have very low aspirations. If there is a lid for your pot, then you will find it, if not, then continue to live your very best life, be happy and make marvellous memories whilst seeking new and nicer friends.

This is a really wise post and I hope OP doesn’t miss it in amongst all the ‘ditch the bitches’ cheerleading.

The intervention was because you are not married with children? That's none if their business . Do your 'friends' , not realise
you don't have to follow what they are doing in life. Life is your own journey and your path to carve. It's not for them to try and steer you. I'd be telling them to f**k off. What kind of friends are they discussing your life behind your back and claiming your off track cause your not married with children. Jesus christ

Many women without PCOS need fertility treatment too, but have to wait 6, 12 months of trying before being able to get it so in some ways OP is better off that she already has an idea about her fertility that other women might not. But the point was that having PCOS doesn’t mean that if OP isn’t married at 29 she’s so far off track that her friends need to stage an intervention about her fertility (which is weird enough on its own without being incorrect).Women with PCOS can and do conceive through their 30s and into their 40s just like other women!

You sound like me (I'm 33). Would I swap my lifestyle for having children, currently? Fuck no. The fact they did "an intervention" suggests they are jealous of your lifestyle whilst they're covered in sicked-up Ella's Kitchen muck and not getting any sleep. It's fine if that's for them. It's find if that's not for you. It's not fine for them to neg you to make you feel as shit as they feel about themselves.

Your life sounds great, you're definitely not a failure. Your friends sound awful, it sounds like you need new ones.

'they said they wanted to just make sure I stayed on the right track'

Well who is to say what the right track is? Not everyone wants a Barratts starter home, him indoors and 2.4 children by the age of 30! Perhaps you have moved in with your mum while you consider joining a lesbian commune or retraining as an MI5 agent? Perhaps you are prioritising other things? You sound great and lovely, and in no way a failure - and you have done a hell of a lot with your 20s and had the strength to make the choices that are right for you, including taking the time to get over a previous relationship and making sensible economic choices. Unless you have been pouring your heart out to them every night for the last few years that you are miserable about your life, its a bit of an overreach, even from friends.

The only thing I would say, as a fellow PCOS sufferer is think about your fertility and its possible impact on your future now. By that I dont mean get pregnant asap by some random for fear of missing the boat, but just to be aware of your PCOS in the background, prioritise your weight, health and exercise and medication if neccessary now, so if you do find a partner and want to have children you are more likely to succeed in conceiving or being eligible for fertility assistance.