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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to tell this girl?!

88 replies

Miloticc · 16/04/2023 15:41

DC is 7 and has additional needs. There’s some parents on our street that let their kids play outside quite young, the kids in DC’s class (ages 6 and just turning 7) I would personally consider too young, but if you do that I’m not judging you at all as some children are way more responsible than others.

The problem is that one of them lives opposite us and keeps asking for DC to play out. And won’t take no for an answer.

I’ve tried telling her everything I can think of! Today I said “maybe when he’s older” and she kept saying to me “but im 6 and I’m allowed out!”. Im at the point where I wish I could just say “and I don’t think your mum should be letting you” but obviously I would never say that!

We do live next to a main road and cars do come flying past. I stand out and watch DC in summer so that they can mingle with friends but only when they’re outside my house. This girl goes around the town on her own and wants DC to go with her.

If it was anyone else’s child I could just talk to the parent, but her mum is very aggressive and nasty. Not a reasonable person and I’ve nearly had to call social on her before, so we aren’t amicable enough to speak to each other. This is also why I can’t invite the girl round for a play date, her mum would be livid.

So far I’ve tried saying; “no sorry”, “no sorry he needs an adult to watch him”, “no sorry but maybe when he’s older”, “he can come out in summer for a bit” and even “no sorry I won’t let him”.

I have no problems being blunt and looking like the bad guy, but is there anything I can say/do? At my wits end repeating myself.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 16/04/2023 15:43

"when he is older" isnt going to mean anything to her, because the next week, he is older, isnt he.
Just say no, he is not allowed to.

Frenchie36 · 16/04/2023 15:45

I'd just say no sorry were going out soon, no sorry he's just about to have lunch, no sorry he doesn't want to.

I wouldn't give a proper explanation of additional needs to her as it could end up him being teased in the summer when he is out, it doesn't sound like her mum would be one to encourage inclusivity x

Testina · 16/04/2023 15:48

I don’t see why you’re at your wits end against a 6yo!
Why do you need something else to tell her?
Stop feeling that you have to explain anything.
”No, you know I don’t let him out” and “that’s not your business though” to any follow up.
That and stop answering the door?

Singleandproud · 16/04/2023 15:48

"No, different families have different rules and X is not allowed to play out"

Your DCs additional needs don't even come into discussion here, it's not appropriate, children that age cannot gauge the speed of traffic accurately that part of their brain isn't developed yet and crossing roads on her own is not appropriate. It's a bit different if it's a green on a quiet cul de sac but even then children under 8 should be supervised.

8 is generally the age children can swim unsupervised and use household appliances (according to the manuals).

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/04/2023 15:49

Say ‘no, and please don’t come here to ask again. When DC is old enough and wants to play out we will ask you.’

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 16/04/2023 15:50

A 6 year old goes to town on her own? Yeah that's not normal!

I would just stop answering the door.

Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 15:55

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound dramatic, I’m at my wits end because it happens every time we leave/come back and step outside the front door.

She’s always outside and I feel really sorry for her because her mum must just send her out in the mornings for the day. But you can imagine multiple times a day for the whole 2 week holidays does get annoying 😬

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 16/04/2023 15:56

A six YO wanders around the town by herself?
obvs depends on how far that is, size of "the town" - but I think I would consider involving SS.

strawberry2017 · 16/04/2023 15:56

Who does she go round town with at 6? I don't let my kids out my sight! Granted she's only 5 but I don't plan to at 6 either!

Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 15:57

When it’s school time it usually just happens the once when we get back from the school run, unless we have to go to the shop etc.

Im quite good at just saying “no thank you” but she always reply’s with “but why, I’m allowed”

OP posts:
darjeelingrose · 16/04/2023 15:57

You should say:
Different families have different rules. Our rules are that you are not allowed to call here any more.
^^I think there is a difference between being blunt and being super clear.

AndyandTeddyarewavinggoodbye · 16/04/2023 15:57

And won’t take no for an answer.

How is she not taking no for an answer?
Does she force her way into the house and drag your child out?

Why do you need to "try everything you can think of"?

is there anything I can say/do?

No?

Not sure why you are constantly apologising to a 6 year old.

Itakecreaminmycoffee · 16/04/2023 16:01

Stop answering the door to her?

A 6yo should not be wandering around alone - personally I’d call ss or nspcc for advice. It takes a village and all that.

LadyKenya · 16/04/2023 16:01

Honestly! Stop apologising, better still stop answering the door when you know it is her knocking. It is not hard. Is this even real, I mean....

Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 16:02

ThinWomansBrain · 16/04/2023 15:56

A six YO wanders around the town by herself?
obvs depends on how far that is, size of "the town" - but I think I would consider involving SS.

Personally I agree with this, but I didn’t want to upset anyone and get a flaming in my original post. It is a small area where we live nothing like the busy town’s near cities, but her parent is neglectful.

Me and the mum don’t talk because I caught her being abusive towards her kids (shouting, screaming, calling them names etc) and I had to let school know. So she hates me. I was going to ring Social but things calmed down and I didn’t catch her doing anything else after that so I left it with school.

If social comes knocking she will absolutely know it was me and she does live in the house directly opposite. Our living room windows face each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 16:03

darjeelingrose · 16/04/2023 15:57

You should say:
Different families have different rules. Our rules are that you are not allowed to call here any more.
^^I think there is a difference between being blunt and being super clear.

I really like this suggestion thank you!!

OP posts:
Anniessong · 16/04/2023 16:07

I think the welfare of the girl is the issue here really. Appreciate it’s difficult but you could have a word with the school’s safeguarding lead if she goes to the same school as your DC? They can take it from there for you and the mum wouldn’t know it was you

Beamur · 16/04/2023 16:09

It's difficult. We've had this too, both with one older girl whose parents were absent a lot and just very persistent kids nearby.
My DD often just didn't want to play or to have other kids in the house.
I would just answer and say DD isn't playing today. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. If they ask why you say we're busy today. Don't get into explaining.

postapesto · 16/04/2023 16:17

Miloticc · 16/04/2023 15:55

Sorry I didn’t mean to sound dramatic, I’m at my wits end because it happens every time we leave/come back and step outside the front door.

She’s always outside and I feel really sorry for her because her mum must just send her out in the mornings for the day. But you can imagine multiple times a day for the whole 2 week holidays does get annoying 😬

She's not taking no for an answer as you are not giving her no for an answer. You are giving her a million excuses and reasons but she's not hearing no in your answers.

It's really not that hard: "NO, he is not coming out today, or tomorrow, or any other day. Please do not call again. Thank you. Enjoy the holidays (or whatever)".

She's a child. Be clear. Stop being so weird about it.

Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 16:18

I do think I said in my original post i often just say “no, he’s not allowed” 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 16:22

I think my issue is that I do say these things, and I have to repeat them every day, multiple times a day

She isn’t knocking on my front door she’s coming over every time I go outside/go to the car/pull up in the car/let the cat in

thanks for all the advice so far though it’s nice to see different perspectives

OP posts:
postapesto · 16/04/2023 16:22

But you are clearly saying lots of other things, and not saying it in a way that is clear to her.

She's six. Stop waffling. Why haven't you told her to stop knocking on your door?

postapesto · 16/04/2023 16:22

Seriously, tell her to piss off.

Original poster
Miloticc · 16/04/2023 16:24

Sorry everyone I might be waffling on here to you guys, but I’m not waffling at the little girl, I do honestly just say “no I don’t let him” but she responds with “why not, I’m allowed” which is why I tried saying all the other things

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 16/04/2023 16:31

Once you’ve said no you don’t have to respond to her further questions. Possibly she’d hear “not today” which can just be repeated if you really feel it’s necessary

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