What to tell this girl?!

[Miloticc]

DC is 7 and has additional needs. There’s some parents on our street that let their kids play outside quite young, the kids in DC’s class (ages 6 and just turning 7) I would personally consider too young, but if you do that I’m not judging you at all as some children are way more responsible than others.

The problem is that one of them lives opposite us and keeps asking for DC to play out. And won’t take no for an answer.

I’ve tried telling her everything I can think of! Today I said “maybe when he’s older” and she kept saying to me “but im 6 and I’m allowed out!”. Im at the point where I wish I could just say “and I don’t think your mum should be letting you” but obviously I would never say that!

We do live next to a main road and cars do come flying past. I stand out and watch DC in summer so that they can mingle with friends but only when they’re outside my house. This girl goes around the town on her own and wants DC to go with her.

If it was anyone else’s child I could just talk to the parent, but her mum is very aggressive and nasty. Not a reasonable person and I’ve nearly had to call social on her before, so we aren’t amicable enough to speak to each other. This is also why I can’t invite the girl round for a play date, her mum would be livid.

So far I’ve tried saying; “no sorry”, “no sorry he needs an adult to watch him”, “no sorry but maybe when he’s older”, “he can come out in summer for a bit” and even “no sorry I won’t let him”.

I have no problems being blunt and looking like the bad guy, but is there anything I can say/do? At my wits end repeating myself.

Not much compassion to a neglected and lonely six year old child in these responses.

Can you absolutely not invite her in?

"No, go away and don't ever come back"

Shout it loudly if you need to.

Just stick at refusing. Surely eventually she'll move onto some other child nearby.

Have to agree with this. It's a little child with a questionable parent. It seems mean to turn them away.

She sounds annoying.
Maybe ignore her. Just don’t answer her and go inside.
Or just say no and rush into your house.
Try not to engage with her which is difficult because she has no boundaries.

If you invite her in you will never get rid of her. It’s not the op responsibility. I was the parent who everyone else’s dcs came to. Trust me, they will stay all day if you don’t say no.

They're young children ffs. Really young children. What a horrible way to talk about kids.

"I've told you no every single time you've knocked. He's not allowed to play out. Now if you knock again, I'm going to have to go and speak to your parents".

This is what I had to say when I had the same problem and it worked.

Do not entertain all the "Buuuuut whyyyy" etc, because you'll find yourself arguing with a child and it's unnecessary.

Honestly I feel so sorry for her because she’s often on her own, my solution would’ve been to say “no but you can come play if you like” but her mum really does hate me 😬

She knows it was me who told school about her and she wouldn’t let her DD come to our DC birthday party

And just re responsibility, it's everyone's responsibility. Kids can't advocate for themselves so it's everyone's responsibility to advocate for them. That attitude is dangerous.

I think this is absolutely what I’m going to do thank you!

I don’t know why you keep answering the door to her? Maybe try not doing and she’ll get fed up.

I absolutely wouldn't invite her to play. Either mum will see it as a golden opportunity to be rid of her and she will be there constantly or mum will take offence and it will cause problems.

"No, I've already told you that he's not allowed to play out. You need to stop asking me now, I'm not talking about it with you again."

All said with a smile but firmly.

You want her to stop asking so just say to her, ‘please stop asking me’. How is she going to know you want her to stop asking unless you articulate yourself?

Honestly it’s the one thing I haven’t said yet and it just didn’t cross my mind, or I was worried it was too rude to say to a child

So I really appreciate this thread, it’s the exact advice I was looking for and hopefully it solves the issue 😊

Sounds like you have a way forward, but just adding my voice to the chorus. I’d just say ‘no, he’s not allowed’ and then ignore any further response.

I hope she’s allowed in her house.

“No he can’t. Go away and stop asking.”

It's a small child. That's really horrible.

Maybe the child-hated phrase, 'because I said so' would have some effect here. The kinder option would be to the 'different families have different rules' route, but if that doesn't work, I'd stop being quite so polite. As sad as it is, if she's being raised by a rough parent, she may subconsciously interpret soft, 'kind' answers as a sign of weakness and believe she can argue with you. 'Because I said so' leaves no room for budging.

This thread has really upset me. I'm surprised that people can be so nasty about children. I was the kid knocking on doors because my home life was torture, i would have been mortified to think people were talking about me like this.

I would report again to the SS.
And let her be friends with your child.

What is OP meant to do, though? She's tried to be nice, but the child won't accept her answer. She can't risk her own child's safety just to appease someone else, even another child.

No you wouldn't, you'd be six. And as an adult, you should realise that obviously people would be talking about you.

It isn't. It's clear and firm and serves her much better in the long run.

I have had a similar situation with neighbours children who are allowed to go wherever they like. My DDs can play in the square in front of our house but nowhere else, which doesn't always suit the other child. I've even had them knock on my door at 8pm on a school night! My DDs are 5 and 7 (the latter being ND) and I'm just not comfortable letting them out of my sight yet. Not sure what age I would be ready, but definitely not yet.

"No, they're not allowed."
And repeat.

One child here has got bored of asking I think.