What to tell this girl?!

[Miloticc]

DC is 7 and has additional needs. There’s some parents on our street that let their kids play outside quite young, the kids in DC’s class (ages 6 and just turning 7) I would personally consider too young, but if you do that I’m not judging you at all as some children are way more responsible than others.

The problem is that one of them lives opposite us and keeps asking for DC to play out. And won’t take no for an answer.

I’ve tried telling her everything I can think of! Today I said “maybe when he’s older” and she kept saying to me “but im 6 and I’m allowed out!”. Im at the point where I wish I could just say “and I don’t think your mum should be letting you” but obviously I would never say that!

We do live next to a main road and cars do come flying past. I stand out and watch DC in summer so that they can mingle with friends but only when they’re outside my house. This girl goes around the town on her own and wants DC to go with her.

If it was anyone else’s child I could just talk to the parent, but her mum is very aggressive and nasty. Not a reasonable person and I’ve nearly had to call social on her before, so we aren’t amicable enough to speak to each other. This is also why I can’t invite the girl round for a play date, her mum would be livid.

So far I’ve tried saying; “no sorry”, “no sorry he needs an adult to watch him”, “no sorry but maybe when he’s older”, “he can come out in summer for a bit” and even “no sorry I won’t let him”.

I have no problems being blunt and looking like the bad guy, but is there anything I can say/do? At my wits end repeating myself.

Report what though?
That she is allowed to play out in the town? While I agree that she is very young to be aloud to wonder and that I wouldn't allow my child to do so, as others have said- different families have different rules.
I say this as someone who reported similar to SS and got exactly that response from them.

Sorry, but that's pig ignorant. You always knew you had stuff to hide. Always. it's a horrible way to grow up.

You are handling this fine, but I would say “please do not knock again” . There are always some kids allowed out when others are not, it’s hugely irresponsible for a 6 yr old to be wandering around on their own in town and I would never let my kids out like that. She sounds bored and looking for someone to occupy her - otherwise she would be off enjoying her time out if it was so much fun.

And jesus, that's the nastiest thing I've happened upon in a while. There's no need for it. Wagon.

just tell her that that's her mummy's choice, but you are DS's mummy and he's not allowed. Tell her to stop askung because he won't be allowed for a very very very long time.

There was a reason 'Because I said so' was used so much in the past...

I would say the previous suggestion of different families different rules.

If you’d happily have her over for a play date perhaps add, ‘You can come and play inside but you need to check with your mum first.’ If the mum doesn’t want her at your house she’ll hopefully then tell her daughter to stay away from you!

She's 6. You can be straight talking without being nasty. Cop yourself on.

This.

Grow up, its the truth and you know it. You can't for a minute imagine that people weren't talking about you if you were a six year old wandering the streets annoying the neighbours everyday and your mother was known to be abusive.

As you say, we knew those things. Even at six.

Er, you can’t call people ‘pig ignorant’. That’s mean.

I know that as an adult. I wouldn't inflict it on an innocent child. I can't quite see where you're coming from tbh.

"Not until he's 8. Come back then".

🤣

I doubt you'll shoo her away for 2 years but it gives her the idea it won't be next week!

If people are going to be horrible to children they can probably suck that up.

This person is slagging off what seems to be a neglected child. That is so horrible. I'm bemused that anyone thinks it's ok.

This is very good.
I wouldn't be justifying my parenting to a six year old. No means No. End of.

What the fck is wrong with you all? This is a fcking CHILD! Not a CF neighbour or whatever. The kid is crying out for help ffs.

Where does it say this child goes to town on her own..?

I completely agree with you. Some really awful suggestions of what to say to this child. It was depressing enough to read about her in the OP but to also read that people would shout at her or tell her to go away and not come back is terrible. What shitty ways to speak to a 6 year old especially one who sounds neglected, abused and lonely

Me too.

Right! The poor girls mum is neglectful at best and maybe abusive at worst and everyone is worried about a few knocks on the door? Do you all not think about how your own DC would feel if you turfed them out onto the street every morning to play by themselves, having to knock round houses for some company? Not our problem though right!

Disgusting isn't it

I also genuinely can’t believe some of the responses on here tbh.. this is a child that clearly you have stated isn’t very well treated, left to wander around town and also gets shouted/screamed at & called names by her own mother.. yes everyone on here bar a few has the attitude of “tell her to piss off” “no means no” etc..

I have to say I agree with a previous poster about explaining clearly “no I’m sorry he isn’t allowed to play outside without a grown up there, i don’t mind a play day here but ask your mum first” something along those lines.. then if her mum says no she understands why.. if her mum says yes it could be a good way to make amends with her and mention to her if ever she needs any help/support you are there for her if ever she needs it.

im a firm believer in helping people, this woman (the child’s mum) could be at her wits end, is the father involved? Is she struggling financially that’s causing stress/pressure? Does she suffer from any depression/ mental health problems..
I don’t think we should be judging a book by its cover, I would see how this goes down and if she is genuinely going around town herself/still being shouted and screamed at/called names I would put a referral In for social services just so then at least someone is helping..

then if the mum came back at you, you can then say you was worried and you offered the help and she declined.

however, a play day with her mums permission and explaining he can’t play out without a grown up should be more then fair and understanding for her..

Got to say I’m much more of the belief that she deserves sympathy. That’s why if she was allowed we would have her round to play, she’s allowed to play at the other houses though so hopefully she gets some respite there.

Because the mum hates me I’m not in a position to help her, but at least I can be the person to report it if things get any worse and I’m already the “bad guy” so I can tell school about any concerns.

She doesn’t have boundaries and she is rude/answers back but she can only know what she’s learned it’s not really her fault, she’s only little and probably lonely. Her and my DC are friends at school. I just haven’t known what to say to her because of the awkward situation with her mum.

Don't do this, it's horribly mean 😔

Say no he's not allowed out, if she asks why say because they're the rules in our house.
When she, inevitably, comes asking again repeat the same message. You could add, he will call over to your house when he is allowed out, that way she should wait for him.
She may need an adult in her life looking out for her, it sounds like her mother doesn't.