To think that my DH and I are growing apart due to political differences?

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DH and I met 15 years ago. We were both fairly liberal and centre in terms of politics and subsequent discussions were amicable. Fast forward all those years and he’s turned more to the right, whereas I’ve gone more to the left.

We differ now about almost everything: Brexit, refugees, unions and strikes. I feel that he’s become a real Tory bore to be honest. Has this happened to anyone else? Obviously we do try and be respectful of each other and have good debates about politics but fundamentally I feel that we aren’t as close as we once were. He’s a lot older than me too and he has become cynical, grumpy and argumentative whereas I’ve got a lot more energy and vitality to me. Sometimes I really crave a decent left wing professor to spend my evenings with. (Partly joking about that, but you get the gist)

I guess attitudes like this help to explain why we end up with shit governments.

I can't help but wonder what party that is, they both se m extreme to me. What one do you mean?

My left and left of centre friends are either skint or very, very wealthy (so can afford to be benevolent).
Just because people (even Tory voters) are happy to pay reasonable levels of income tax, it doesn't mean they will be happy with Labour's wealth taxes/inheritance tax curbs etc.

No I always vote. I just realise the facts about how FPTP works.

I think I agree with you op. I would place myself just left of centre and would say my dh is similar, I know how he votes because we discuss it, however, I don’t think labour are perfect and they really annoy me at times but morally I just can’t see how I can vote conservative. I agree with both sides on some things but deep down I feel labour look after the working class better.
if my dh were just right of centre then I wouldn’t see a problem, however, if he were hard right and ramming it down my throat then it would piss me right off and I would feel our views are just too far apart.

@MichelleScarn · Yesterday 19:18

Absolutely this, and I find this is true to the multitude of posts like this.. 'hey I'm a cool, liberal and down with the kids leftie, don't you think I'm just like sooo much better than my x/y/z who votes Tory. Don't they know I'm totally accepting and tolerant, unless you're right wing'...

@Dontevenstart · Yesterday 22:49

I think anyone who claims to be liberal, a down with the kids leftie, and tolerant of everyone needs to have a good long look at themselves.
I’m left-wing and I have absolutely no tolerance for right-wing pricks like you, who need to be put in a bin and abandoned. But hey, I’m sure you’ll get over it. I know I already have.

Thanks @Dontevenstart your response to michelle had proven people to be correct in what they say about the lefties. Hilariously you can't even see it. 😆

How old is he? I’m in my 60’s and to be honest DH and all of my friends husbands have turned into grumpy old men irrespective of their politics. I just think it’s something a lot of men do and probably more noticeable to you if you are a lot younger.
One other tip, do not get involved with a lefty professor! I know a few and they are the most opinionated people I know.

@Cherryblossoms85

LOL 😆 And this is the basis of your 'relationship?' Your husband taking shag-all interest in anything you say? Just nodding along in agreement. I can't imagine spending 30-40 years plus with a man that just willingly and weakly and meekly just nods, and says yes to everything I do or say !!! How pathetic. I prefer MY man to have some backbone and be strong-willed. (Like ME!) Not a wet lettuce who says 'yes dear' to everything I say. LMFAO! 😆

And the reason as previous posters have said, that a lot of people don't speak out when they're right wing or right of centre, is because they're fed up of being shouted at and called vile names by the ranty lefties. The lefties have no problem whatsoever being absolutely vile. And yet (as a pp said,) the people who are right of centre (or centric) are pretty chill.

Saw a few comments on another website, and one of the first comments was 'all Tories are cunts.' No intelligent points, or debate, or decent argument... Just a vile insult. This is typical of some lefties. They only post to attack people. Because they have NO ARGUMENT. And nothing intelligent to say.

As @JudgeJ said 'the Tories are always wrong, and the darling left are always right, and never put a foot wrong and are just perfect...' (According to the left.)

I do have to laugh at the poster(s) saying 'everyone I know agrees with me.' LOL, first of all, no they don't... People just won't speak up because they don't want to be attacked and shouted down by you. Secondly, imagine being in a world/ environment/ social circle where you're NOT ALLOWED differing views to the Queen bee in the group. What a shit way to live.

Glad I am not in that world, and have a vast array of differing viewpoints from people in all walks of life in my world. How narrow-minded some of you really sound. I pity you.

I'm off to the beach now. Enjoy your frothing.

The laughing emoji is a sure sign of the best arguments 😂

It's the argumentative and grumpy bit that would be the worst for me.

I sympathise with you OP - my ex boyfriend was a staunch Tory, and I most definitely am not. We muddled along for a while, avoiding discussing anything contentious.

But when Brexit came along (voted to stop all the muslims coming in), and Grenfell (it was their own fault according to him), and then Boris fucking Johnson - I was just so disgusted wtih his views that it totally changed the way I felt about him.

OMG OP your DH sounds like one of my closest friends. I know it's not the same as living together and I can go home, but we are polar opposites.

She is a diehard Labour supporter and I am centre right. We disagree on everything and have agreed to not talk about politics...well...she tries but she does go on especially when we are with other people.

One thing I have noticed is when we are in a group and she cant help but mention something she is raging about, other people do tend to nod and agree with her, but it's not their view. She is very bullish and opinionated and our friends back down and nod along as though they agree to get the converation done. Could your family and friends do the same with your DH?

Plus she listens to Radio 4 and told me she wakes up raging 😂

You know, I will never fall out with her, she's my mate. Sometimes it's nice to listen to the other side's views and I am not blinkered and want to see other views, but at the end of the day, my opinion is mine and hers is hers.

Good luck with him!

The "all my friends agree with me" point is just how we are though. We all have biases/preferences and seek out friendships with people whose values align with our own. Not many people actively enjoy conflict. Though sparring with anonymous strangers on Mumsnet can be a diverting hobby, in real life we're looking for people 'like us' to socialise with.

It's a big reason why you see a lack of diversity in workforces at higher grades and why institutional/systemic racism exists. Far easier to promote a person with the same values who'll do the job like you would do it yourself. No reason to change because the system suits those in positions of power and those who hold similar values who will eventually join them there.

I know why Labour voters are angry and frustrated. They come close each time but rarely win. I don't vote for either of the two contenders so know from the start that my Party is not going to hold power.

Labour may get in this time round, but history dictates that they'll not be in position long.

We do need a different political system. One without left and right, just policies that are put to demographic vote in a fair and accessible way.

I think if I was a right wing, brexit-supporter I would probably prefer to be with someone who aligned with my views. Because politics is important to me, I could not just ignore it.
Who is right and wrong depends on what you care about in life.
I wouldn't divorce DH if he voted Tory, in fact our Tory MP is fairly decent, but if he held the wider views that members of his family hold, it would be tough going.

You say you doubt Labour competence with the economy. How do you think the Tories are doing with the economy? Genuine question.
Given Tory Brexit is predicted to reduce the economy by 4% and Mark Carney said that in 2016, the UK economy was 90% the size of Germany's, now its below 70% the size.
I know there's a general view that Labour are good for public services and the Tories are good for the economy, I just don't see the evidence that the Tories are good with the economy though. Things in the UK seemed absolutely, off the scale better under the last Labour government for the vast majority of people.

Oh, and I'm not even a Labour voter btw, haven't voted Labour since the Iraq war.

Does your DH still favour tories currently? Just wondering as their popularity is meant to be low now

@DannyZukosSmile Forgive me, but you really don't sound chill at all. Unless by chill you mean slightly drunk? Fwiw I would these days probably count as right wing. I don't mind my DH being a wet lettuce, as you put it, because he's very hot.😀

Democracy is a great thing, as long as we all think the same.

Tories are awful. Labour is so weak they aren't going to get voted in. So we're all scuppered. Sorry state of affairs.

I don’t think you sound ageist at all and I’m quite sensitive to that. You said he is cantankerous and older than you which are factual comments, you didn’t say that all older people become more right wing and cantankerous ( which someone else did say). I think that this is more than a difference in party political disagreement, it’s becoming a clash in values. Also he’s argumentative and sounds a bit pompous. When you marry someone older than yourself it is possible that you will notice different energy levels in time.
You sound frustrated and held back by the relationship. I would either start following your own interests independently and have a frank talk with him r even consider separating.

@DannyZukosSmile

You couldn't sound any further from chill.

Hopefully you calm down after a day at the beach.

Me and OH don't agree on everything but we're aligned when it comes to human rights and being decent to people. We do talk about politics but are respectful of where our views diverge. Also the idealist parts of our political views are similar, whilst the practical differs.

I don't care what anyone's politics is really, it would have to be really pretty extreme for me to take issue with it rather than just not talk about it. Have a low tolerance for hateful people in general

Indeed if everyone just voted Labour, there would be no democracy at all.

I think people get more conservative as they age, in general, as they're more resistant to change, rather than any increased brain power. The conservatives biggest base is old age pensioners and with respect to elderly people someone in their 80s isn't going to have the same cognitive function they had at 25.

Property/home ownership a big factor as well.